Missing passion but still attracted

[fredflinstone]

Hi Ladies,

I'd really appreciate some advice on a problem my girlfriend and I are having.

Some quick facts - I'm 22 and she is 18 and it's our first relationship. We've known each other since the start of February and got together at the start of April.

When things started, we really liked each and it was easy to tell the passion was definitely there from the way we kissed each other. We even used the magic four letter L word. Things were moving really fast, but neither of us were complaining. We even planned and booked a 3 day weekend getaway together, which we've just returned from - but more on that later.

Unfortunately, at the end of April, I had a four week overseas holiday prebooked before I met her, so I had no choice but to go and it was impossible for her to come with me (even though she wanted to). While I was away, we sent long emails to each other on a near daily basis, but towards the halfway mark of the holiday, she dropped the emails down to one liners every second or third day. I came back and things were fine, but it hasn't been quite the same.

We've just come back from our 3 day weekend away together and on the most part, it was great but I could feel something was not right. She said she wasnt ready to have her breast touched or have sex, which I am okay with given her age. However, every time I've kissed her, she barely moves and just lets me kiss her. She also rarely initiated a kiss.

It's obvious something isn't right, and it came out tonight after we got back from our weekend away. She said that she's missing the passion, the flame, or the spark she once had for me, but still likes me very much. She said that she found it difficult when I was away for four weeks and the flame disappeared during that time, which explains the sudden drop in email contact. She said she really wanted to write long emails to me and she had regularly typed it all out but deleted it without sending it to me. She said that after she stopped writing emails, she was able to go back to her normal daily life and it got the point that she would only think of once a day, instead of all the time.

She said she wants to find that flame, but doesn't know where or how to look. She doesn't want to end things, but thinks that passion/flame is too important and being attracted to me simply isnt enough. She knows I'm really into her and thinks its unfair that I like her a lot more than she likes me.

What can I do here? I don't want to lose her but it feels like she's slipping away. It's probably naive to think I should leave things be and hope she finds the flame herself, so are there any suggestions on what I should do? Is this relationship doomed?

Another thing, she has a male friend that is 17 she's known for a year and they talk about literally everything, so it comes as no surprise she tells him everything about us. He calls her all the time and they spend an hour talking (but she hangs up on him straight away when I call) and is always curious what we do. He even called her during our weekend away, knowing full well we were away. As soon as she got back, he asked her if we did anything and then brought up this whole passion/flame topic because she had told him about it when I was away.
Am I being sensitive, or should I be worried about this guy? What really gets is that they talk about sex in general and even knows roughly when her periods are!

[ConniptionFit]

She's not that into you and is passive-aggressively punishing you for going on your 4 week trip.

Ask yourself why you would want to be into a girl who obviously is not attracted to you.

[Boisdevie]

She is not sexually attracted to you is she? So wake up, smell the coffee. FIND SOMEBODY WHO IS SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU. Is my message clear enough? Or option 2 is:
Keep complaining to us and work on your masturbation technique because if you try to stay with this woman that's all you're gonna get

[deepika_16]

Simply put the things around and try to figure out what she really wants from you. It's okay if she really likes you till now but is it true that she loves you still. Get close to her and find out if she has flames and passion for that boy or not?

There is a bit difference if you like someone or if you love someone. She likes you because may be she found you more reliable and mature or may be she enjoys your company. But my main point is that if she is still in love with you? This is only you can answer this question and if you seriously want to continue your [URL="http://www.myboyisanidiot.com"]love relation[/URL] with that girl then you have to.
By the way best of luck..

[fredflinstone]

I think the problem is not that she isn't sexually attracted to me, but it's that she isn't sexually attracted to me anymore after my four week holiday. She said she's missing something at the moment that was previously there and wants to find it because she really likes me, but doesn't know how or where to begin to look. She said she doesn't want to end things and that's why she's telling me this, so I don't think things are over just yet.
Is there any way around or how I can help her find what she's looking for?

[Riku]

No she does want to end things but it's her first relationship and she is immature. What she is saying sounds like complete BS to me.

[fredflinstone]

No she does want to end things but it's her first relationship and she is immature. What she is saying sounds like complete BS to me.

That's where I'm confused. On one hand all the signs point to her wanting to end things citing a loss of passion but on the other hand, she will text me telling me she misses me and we can spend an hour talking to each other on the phone every night.
When we don't see each other, she'll show really positive signs, but when we see each other, she's almost like a different person.
In terms of attractiveness, i'm not the prettiest, but i'm also not the ugliest and a relatively toned figure.

What can I do?

[Riku]

She does that because she gets lonely and bored most likely and knows you are there to fill the void. She's young, I think she is playing games and using you and that's all good for her till she sees you in person and gets uncomfortable. Move on, you can't do anything. And don't be surprised if when you do move on that she comes chasing you because then she has a challenge but don't take that for anything substantial, she'll do this all again if you go back to her.

[fredflinstone]

Hmm interesting that all the replies on here seem to favourfavour that I should walk.
We continued our normal nightly phone call tonight and she said that passion didn't matter as long as I'm with her and she explained that she only made a big deal of it last night because her male friend reminded her of it.
After we hung up, she sent aa text saying don't leave, so I guess she's figured something is up.
Why is she being like this now? Would her monthly visitor have anything to do it?
I really don't get how she can talk about a lack of passion one night then ask me not to leave the nex.
Any thoughts?

[Bootsie]

Shes a woman, we change are minds alot. Do something to regain the passion? Take her out, spend time with her? see how it goes from there. If that all fails then I guess its the end of the road but dont give up just yet =) x

[smackie9]

Personally I think she is trying to decide who she should go out with, you or this friend of hers.