Can we reconnect?

[kevho66]

ok, so long story short...

I hurt my current girlfriend by going back to my ex wife two years ago. While I thought she was over the issue it seems there were some harboring feelings. additionally, I was less than focused on our relationship at times and did not give her the impression that I wanted to get married so she got angry and said she wanted a break. Well little did I know that during the break she started seeing another guy and quickly told him she loved him. (they have been friend for a while).

After a couple of months of us going back and forth and me thinking we were working on things she finally told me that she wanted to be with me because she knew she still loved me and it was the right path for her. Her mom, sister and best friend have all told me that she loves me and wants this. She still has stong feelings for the other guy and is having a hard time letting go due to guilt and I am sure some love is still present.

Her concern is that while we are working on our relationship, she is scared that the "emotional connection" that we once had will not come back.

I have told her it will once she is finally able to completely let go of her interim "friend". I know it can because is did for me previously when I lost that "connection" with her.

I realize this all seems quite complicated but we do have reasons to continue on and I do believe it is whats she wants or she would not be here with me know. we are undergoing relationship counseling.

So my question is...
What is everyone's experience with regaining the fire that once was so strong but has been lost due to anger and someone else in the picture?

we have 5 kids between us which is also one of our reasons for fighting for this.

[ConniptionFit]

Back and forth, up and down, chaotic and drama-filled relationships rarely change.

Always amazes me how people seek to complicate their lives and make them as chaotic as possible.

[kevho66]

easy to say when you are not living it.

[ConniptionFit]

easy to say when you are not living it.

Easy to not live it by making decisions that cut out chaos and drama.

BTW, kids learn by example. You are teaching them to make the same choices of chaos and drama.

[devonbrown]

It sounds like both of you are easily swayed towards others. Relationship counselling is a good start, but maybe you might want to consider alternative relationship status. Maybe attempt something akin to an open relationship so you two at least keep your thoughts and emotions and desires out in the open. I normally do not suggest open relationships, but it sounds like you are on a train heading right back to where you were before if you don't do something.

[kevho66]

we both want committed relationships but got together on less than ideal circumstances. All is not as it seems as we are just going through some rough times. Our backgrounds are both of solid beliefs but both had been previously hurt and probably should have moved a little slower. she is a good person who is desperately trying to do the right thing.

what I really was looking for was some advice on how we get the "connection' back. we do love each other.