Can't be myself with her, yet want her.

[Colts]

Ok, i've got myself in a right situation in terms of relationships.

Ok, so i'll explain the situation.
I was with an EX 4 years ago for about 5 months, we never got really close, and eventually she ended it with me, about 3 months later she got a long term boyfriend, and i got a long term girlfriend, we've both split with them now, and after we did, we got together again, had a few dates, nothing serious but this lasted for about 4/5 months. Once again, we both kinda' lost contact, and this time she hasn't had a relationship since, but i've had a short 3 month relationship, which i ended about a month ago.

So she contacted me yesterday saying she's really missed me (it's been about 8 months since we last saw eachother) and i do genuinly miss her too, so made her aware of this.

The problem is, i can't be myself with this girl, i've always had 'that thing for her' from the start of 2007. But i like to go out at weekends and have drinks with friends, yet i don't feel like i can do this with her in my life, but i really want her in my life.

What should i do? How can i be so sure about what i want? im just really confused what to do.

[devonbrown]

I guess the question is why you feel like you can't do these things with her in your life?

And then, there is a choice. What is more important to you - her or going out on the weekends with your buddies?

But I think there has to be some middle ground there where you don't have to choose.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

It's a big waste of time to have her in your life, you tried a few times and it didn't pan out so why bother. Hang with your buddies and maybe then you will meet someone that is more compatable to date.

[LoveInPeace]

Well what I learned from past relationships is that it is better for you and whomever you are involved with to be YOUR best true self. In other words, you should focus on creating a lifestyle that makes you feel great. You would probably benefit from having goals, hobbies, work, friends, etc. that your are passionate about. Once you live like this you will be at peace and loving life. Then you can bring someone into your life that will appreciate and enjoy you for who you are. I used to be a DJ, and my lifestyle revolved around this lifestyle. It was awesome.

Also, your girl might actually want to be more with you once you're living an amazing life. She will see this in your behavior and your energy level. And I think people find that attractive. Or you just might attract someone even more amazing that fits you wonderfully. I have been in relationships where I changed important things about myself and my lifestyle for my relationship, but it only kicked me in the ass and the relationship went sour, and my lifestyle began to fall apart, and ultimately my energy and attitude began to deteriorate. In the words of Joseph Campbell, "Follow your bliss."

I'm actually glad that I can share this with someone cuz I have learned what works for me and what doesn't, and I am in the process of applying what I have learned and what I am sharing with you know. I am rebuilding my lifestyle, and I feel excited about it. I wish you an amazing lifestyle too!

[Colts]

I hear you guys, and i know this sounds a little cliche, but it just seems that i'm meant to be with this girl, the fact we still have feelings there after these years must mean something? or not?

The thing about this too, is that this has come smack bang in the time where i am feeling my best, loving my lifestyle at the moment, and just don't i'm going to be wanting to trade that in for this girl, who on the other hand, i really like. :S

[abn25]

You dont have to trade your lifestyle, just continue to do what you want but maybe casually still see each other to really see if there is something there, no harm in that.