My ex left me because she said I did not have my priorities strait

[Slipnot4149]

Trying to get an opinion. We ex has broken up with me because she thinks my priorities are not right. We both have children an hers are really great kids good grades, good mannered, and all around great kids. Then I have two children 1 is autistic who really likes to do his own thing she loves him then there is my daughter who is problemed she is a run away, school drop out. But when she came ba after being gone over a year I took her back and like I have to trying to fix her situation. But she wants nothing to do with her. So I guess what I am asking you ladies is, can I do something to get her back I have fallen so deeply in love that the pain does not stop. I guess why they say the bigger the heart the harder they fall. That you in advance for any feedback you ladies can give. Just as a side note I am 39 she is 40 if that helps.

[Wakeup]

I'm confused: What does she think you should be prioritizing buy you aren't? You go into detail about both your backgrounds but you've failed to state what she thinks the actual deal breaker is for her...

Oh, and who wants nothing to do with "her?" Is it your daughter that doesn't want anything to do with your gf or, is it your gf who doesn't want anything to do with your daughter (I suspect this is where the problem lays). *sighs* What reason did you gf give you for breaking up with you? What were her words?

[Slipnot4149]

She wants nothing to do with my daughter. I have told her to let me deal with her. I need to fix her issues, she told me that i need to fix my priorities with my son and spend more one on one time with him. This is sometimes hard because he has specific like, that are indavidual things. I do take im fishing cause he likes to throw rocks in the water. Now what I am thinking and help me if I am wrong but I think since her children do not have any issues she is affraid to deal with hard times that relationships bring and wants to run away from them and wants it to be easy going with no interuptions. But hell if relationships were easy then they would be boring. However needless to say I feel that she is my soulmate and looking in her eyes when we talked about this I see that she is trying to fight the fact that she does feel the same way and just wants to run from the problems and not face them. What do you think.

[Spring Haze]

How old are your kids? How long were you and this woman together?

She seems to have made her mind up. She does not accept your daughter, or the relationship you have with her - her reasons may be valid or not so much, with your meager details, it's impossible to say. Fact remains: she wants no part of this.

[Slipnot4149]

We were together for 4.5 years. My kids are 17 daughter and son 15 hers are 14 twin boys.

[vashti]

Aww, hell. Her kids are still young - they have time to make trouble still.

I don't think you should have anything at all to do with a woman who doesn't accept your children, whether you love her or not. Your priority SHOULD be your children - not her.

[Wakeup]

I have told her to let me deal with her. I need to fix her issues

Well, the thing is you can't fix your daughters issues. If she's emotionally disturbed or is being a hellion then maybe if you got her some professional counceling, did the family counceling thing then perhaps your gf will see that you're trying to make it less stressful for her and her children by getting your daughter the proper help she needs.

If your daughter is so bad behaved that it is causing stife for her and her children then I can see why she'd want your daughter out of the picture. Neither of you should be neglecting what's in your childrens best interests so unfortunately if you both gotta do what you both gotta do to make sure that you raise good and healthy kids then unfortunately that's what ya gotta do.

Have you thought of you and your daughter and your ex wife having family counceling so that your daughter has a fighting chance to be the best her that she can be?

[IndiReloaded]

Your ex sounds like she is expecting you to wash your hands of your daughter. 17 is nearly an adult but NOT an adult. She sounds young and troubled, so kudos to you for wanting to help her. The woman (ex) needs to accept you are a parent first, boyfriend second. GTFO if she can't handle this, which is sounds like she did. You will have less drama in the end for it, I think, so don't worry.

Of course, helping doesn't mean 'fixing'. Your role as a parent, especially at this age, is to help facilitate your daughters transition to responsible adulthood. Which might mean allowing her to take the consequences of bad decisions (within reason). If you aren't sure what this means, I think Wakeups suggestion of some family counselling is a good one.

As for your son, I think I will leave comments to the more experienced parents in this matter, Vash and Qwerty.

Best wishes for your family.