He has a girlfriend... is he into me or not?

[Cinnabella]

Hmm and im sure you have never made a mistake? she'll learn from it and move on.

You mean me? I did but never this one, I know that I shouldn't do thngs like this to anyone cause I would be so mad if someone does to me. Good if she learnt, not too late yet.

[Wakeup]

IMO: When one puts themselves out on a public forum board and shares how they have no personal boundaries and are willing to persue a man who is not available to be persued.. and they actually ask for advice on how to keep doing what they are doing while not having the common sense to know that what they are doing is not a very nice thing to be doing then they should be prepared to receive some bad comments that coincide with the bad behaviour. People who only think about themselves and are unable to empathize with the bf or gf who is being cheated upon need to hear things that they may not like.

If negative comments from strangers is the only Karma she receives for her actions then she'll be doing alright.

I know that I shouldn't do thngs like this to anyone cause I would be so mad if someone does to me.

That is the fundemental meaning behind "Do Unto Others as You'd Have Them Do Unto You," Op so I'm glad to read that you have learned some things here today and you won't be chasing and inviting someone who is already involved any further. I'm quite sure that you wouldn't want some internet chick doing what you've done with your boyfriend/husband.

Good luck, may you get over your crush in due time in order to find the man that was meant to be with you.

[Petit Papillon]

Jeeze, she came on here to ask for advice. Not people making harsh comments about her when they dont actually know her and dont actually no how she is feeling about all of this. Yes perhaps she was a little bit naive, but im sure we all have been at some point!

Hmm and im sure you have never made a mistake? she'll learn from it and move on.

Obviously we are first people to tell them it's a bad thing what she's doing so there you go. Don't expect people to react polite and with understanding to someone behaving completely wrong. If you think that she would get other responses here then maybe you are naive. It's Love Forum but we're people too and we express how we express,how we feel about people who break other people's relationships/marriages etc. It happens especially on the internet. And I still hate women who steal other women's boyfriends. Or even flirt with them and make them doubt their feelings to their actual partners.

[Bootsie]

Me naive? Ok. Im just saying every one has made mistakes. Did i say for one moment she was right? No i dont think i did.

[scd]

Look, it just spiralled out of control OK. I now realise that. I never meant for it to happen this way.

First of all, we were just friends. When I went to his town and asked to meet up it was simply just that, honestly. Just to meet up. I have done that with other people I met online too as it's nice to put a face to a name and they weren't always male. If you're friends with someone online what's wrong with wanting to see them in the flesh?

We had a nice time. So? Yes I developed feelings... and? I'm human afterall. I didn't force myself to have feelings simply to be a 'boyfriend stealer'.

I know this does not excuse what horrible crime I committed but I believe he was in the wrong more than me. He was the one that created these feelings in me by being so helpful, nice, caring, gentlemanly etc. If he did not, there was no way I would have fallen for him no matter how well we got along.

Also I resent the comments that allude to the fact that this is something I've done often in my life. I have NEVER in my 30 something years been in this situation. Sure I may come across as naive, maybe that's why I was asking for advice? Because I've never been in this situation and didn't know how to deal with it.

[Wakeup]

I know this does not excuse what horrible crime I committed but I believe he was in the wrong more than me. He was the one that created these feelings in me by being so helpful, nice, caring, gentlemanly etc. If he did not, there was no way I would have fallen for him no matter how well we got along.

Please don't make this even worse by picturing yourself as some victim. You damn well knew he had a girlfriend and you chose to ignore that fact and continued to volunteer to try and make him like you as much as you like him. Don't deny that it just makes you appear even more dubious.

If you have no personal boundaries then you will go ahead and continue to meet men from the internet whou you have not ascertaing if they are in a relationship or not. If you've learned something here, you will not meet with men who have wives or a gf again. There is something missing in people who have a partner and continue to try and meet new people of the opposit sex for extra-calicular activities.
Those people see attention and have some hole that no one seems to be able to fill, not even themselves can fill that hole. In short, they don't make very good partners for anything of substance.

You made a mistake. Just don't make another one by justifying why you enabled this man to step out on his S.O.

Also I resent the comments that allude to the fact that this is something I've done often in my life.

Who cares? Really once is enough. You've learned it's wrong now just don't continue doing the same thing because it will be even worse on you if you still do it after learning that it's rather unintegral to say the least. It's not all about you.. there is an innocent third party here. (the gf).

Lesson learned. Now you just have to get over your crush and be strong in no longer contacting him. Let his karma look after his part in this.

P.S. Stop relying on your so called "older and wiser" confidente because he/she has been enabling you to be unintegral by not directing you to stay away from men who are already in a committed. relationship.

Me naive? Ok. Im just saying every one has made mistakes. Did i say for one moment she was right? No i dont think i did.

No, instead you turned the whole issue around on those that had the balls to tell this girl what she needed to hear.

[Petit Papillon]

Listen , he shouldn't meet you in real life in the first place . Why? Cause when you were talking online before, while he was still single, you weren't talking only in a friendly way right? He should put himself in such a situation and you neither, should put him in such a situation . I think nobody would be fine if their partner met some online friend from an opposite gender just because they are currently in the same city or something .And you gave the exact reason why it shouldn't happen. Cause people cannot (or sometimes don't want) control their feelings. And he was nice ,gentle and so cause some guys are like that . To everybody. Not because they have some feelings towards those girls, they just are helpful,gentle and nice. It's you who created some idea in your head and you decided to pursue him .

[loves568]

He's got a girl. Do you really want to be that kind of person. Anytime he's with you he's going to be thinking about her. Not to be cruel but you just went through a break up, you're looking for love, but you don't want to me a tramp.

[IndiReloaded]

You aren't a tramp, you haven't done anything but meet for lunch. But you are in danger of being taken advantage of, for sure. Think: Who knows how many internet girls like you he has strung along. Doubtful you are the only one.

Feel bad for his GF, who probably has no idea about any of this. Move on and find a decent guy. You wouldn't want to be the GF of a guy who acts like this would you?

[Wakeup]

IMO she hasnt done anything wrong by meeting a guy for lunch... It's her intent behind the not so innocent lunch that makes it and her wrong.

[IndiReloaded]

Meh. We aren't responsible for our thoughts, only acts of will.

[Wakeup]

Nice excuse for bad behaviour

[IndiReloaded]

Its not an excuse. Its the only way a rational society can operate. It is the boundary of those thoughts and our actions that make us civilized (or not). The OP is teetering on the brink, but its not too late for her to choose a different path.

Also, I don't see the OP's actions as wrong in the same way HIS actions are. He is the one who has gone for a lunch with a woman who is not his GF. The OP is under no such constraints. It seems to me the woman is being held responsible for a boundary which is really his to keep.

[Wakeup]

Its not an excuse. Its the only way a rational society can operate. It is the boundary of those thoughts and our actions that make us civilized (or not). The OP is teetering on the brink, but its not too late for her to choose a different path.

Totally agree but if you read back, she was asking us for advice on how to advance the relationship. Lucky she came here first.

Also, I don't see the OP's actions as wrong in the same way HIS actions are. He is the one who has gone for a lunch with a woman who is not his GF. The OP is under no such constraints. It seems to me the woman is being held responsible for a boundary which is really his to keep.

He is just as responsible for this sham as she is. If she didn't enable him by persuing then there would be no issue.

If people stopped enabling cheaters to cheat by co-operating with the cheater, then infidelity would cease to exist. It takes two to tango. She's not innocent and nor would you be if you were the one who is enabling a cheater to cheat.

Rules of society apply to everyone one. I think one of the basic moral guidlines imposed upon us by society and church and which accomodates the possessive nature of how humans "love" is: "Thou shall not covet thy neighbours wife... or husband.

[IndiReloaded]

He is just as responsible for this sham as she is. If she didn't enable him by persuing then there would be no issue.

If people stopped enabling cheaters to cheat by co-operating with the cheater, then infidelity would cease to exist. It takes two to tango. She's not innocent and nor would you be if you were the one who is enabling a cheater to cheat.

This isn't how people operate, tho. If she doesn't pursue (this is how its spelled) him, he will just do it with someone else. And there IS always someone else. So really, if you want to remove the problem of infidelity, you should be counselling her to deliberately lead him on and then bust his chops somehow so there is a lesson learned. Or contact his GF, or something like.

But if the issue is not to eliminate infidelity, but to improve her own personal development, then I think she should be congratulated for recognizing the problem and stopping at this point where her thoughts and wishes are crashing hard against the reality of the situation and the likely consequences of her ACTIONS should she CHOOSE to take them.

I'll ignore the religious/moral reference b/c its not one that has value to me in of itself.