Confused about feelings for a friend.

[loser20]

Hi I am a 21 year old male and I've never had a girlfriend. The most I've had with girls in the past is just having crushes on each other, and a couple random hook ups at college parties where I never even knew the girls name and was really drunk anyways. I have just always been too shy around girls and I am really bad at talking/flirting or showing interest in them, pretty sad i know . However I CAN talk to them as friends and i don't really have much trouble becoming good friends with girls. They just don't see me in a romantic way.

Anyways I am posting here because recently I have been talking to one of my old high school friends a whole lot. She's had a boyfriend for 3.6 years but I am afraid I am starting to have very strong feelings for her. We talk to each other basically everyday and hang out with each other a lot. I will sacrifice a lot of time to chat with her online, I pretty much think about how great she is all day, and I can't really think of many better things I would rather do then listen to how her day went. I am currently studying for my LSAT exam to get into law school and have a strict study schedule, but if she messages me on msn messenger i will not hesitate to just talk to her for however long she wants. When we aren't talking I often feel very sad that I can't have her (due to her boyfriend) but also I know that she only sees me as a friend and if I were to tell her that I have feelings for her I think she would be creeped out. I hate how she can talk to me this much and only still view me as a friend >:0. But that is probably because when i talk to her i don't really show signs of liking her and i talk to her about other girls i think are cute when in reality she is the ****in cutest girl to me in the world LOL sigh. I know i probably should stop talking to her so much and whatever but its hard because im so attracted to her and if she messages me there's no way i'm going to deny her.

I know these are normally typically signs that I am falling in love with her and what not, but here is my concern and question: do you guys think that i am only feeling this way about her because i have never been in a relationship before and i am longing for someone to love me? do i even really know what love is, i mean I've never had a girlfriend. I suspect these could just be feelings of obsession/depression due to being alone for so many years more so than feelings of true love and attraction.


I know that this is a lot of info and i might be asking too much for your guys' input but this situation has been pretty tough on me and i really just wanted a place to vent and let my feelings out because i can't talk about this to any of my friends or family. we have a large amount of mutual friends and it would be too embarassing to let anyone know i have feelings for her, I'm even pretty dam good friends with her boyfriend. Nobody knows how much i actually talk to her, and this is just getting really difficult someone tell me somethign please!!!!!! If you have read all this until now i really appreciate it and i welcome any kind of input. Thank you.

[Kesta]

From what you've written here, a few points really stand out:
- you obviously like her. Do you feel you can talk to her about anything? Does she confide in you more than other friends do? If she's talking to you very often then this may indicate that she's not telling her bf as much as she's telling you, which would suggest her r'ship is not very healthy. Try to figure out how her relationship is currently going. This can give you an idea of where exactly you fit in in her life, but keep in mind:
- you're in the same group of friends AND she has a boyfriend, AND he's in that group. This could end really badly if you choose to pursue her, even if/when they break up. It would be very awkward to say the least.
- she's distracting you from your studies. I don't want to sound patronising but you can't let yourself lose focus of what you need to do now. It is hard but you will have to be strict with yourself. At this stage it's unwise to get too swept up in something that's so uncertain. You don't really know how she feels about you, and if she does have feelings for you it's possible she may not even know it. Be yourself around her.
If you really like the girl, you must resign yourself to the fact that nothing will/should happen between you now. If you think she is unhappy in her r'ship, you can choose to wait, but keep in mind she may not develop feelings for you and the waiting can hurt you. The other alternative is to distance yourself and move on. In any case I think distancing yourself a bit will help you to look at it more clearly and judge for yourself how you both feel and what the situation is.

Best of luck.