His profile is still active?

[guardog999]

Hi everyone - I've been seeing this guy for about six weeks. Everything is perfect - I've met his mother, he's met my parents and friends, calls/texts regularly, makes plans way in advance, always makes time for me even if he's exhausted. There's just one little problem - his dating profile on the website we met is still active! He asked if we could be exclusive when we started sleeping together. While we aren't quite at the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, we aren't supposed to be seeing anyone else. When I asked him about his profile being active, he first said "I don't know what to say", "I'm also looking for a boyfriend (jokingly)" and "If I wink at your sister will you get mad?" Basically, just laughing it off. He then wanted to make plans to see me again. I'm totally confused - while he didn't get defensive or angry, he didn't say anything about taking it down either.

I'm totally confused. If I didn't know about him still having a profile, I would think everything is fantastic. What should I do? Should I give him more time and see what he does or should I just outright ask him to take it down?

[Wakeup]

Hi everyone - I've been seeing this guy for about six weeks. Everything is perfect - I've met his mother, he's met my parents and friends, calls/texts regularly, makes plans way in advance, always makes time for me even if he's exhausted. There's just one little problem - his dating profile on the website we met is still active! He asked if we could be exclusive when we started sleeping together. While we aren't quite at the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, we aren't supposed to be seeing anyone else. When I asked him about his profile being active, he first said "I don't know what to say", "I'm also looking for a boyfriend (jokingly)" and "If I wink at your sister will you get mad?" Basically, just laughing it off. He then wanted to make plans to see me again. I'm totally confused - while he didn't get defensive or angry, he didn't say anything about taking it down either.

I'm totally confused. If I didn't know about him still having a profile, I would think everything is fantastic. What should I do? Should I give him more time and see what he does or should I just outright ask him to take it down?

You know, one of the best ways to deflect attention away from oneself when someone asks you a question that you don't really want to answer is to answer a question with a question. Notice how he deflected back to you by asking you "if I wink at your sister will you get mad?"

Most times when a guy is still logging in regularily it means he is keeping his options open and is likely scouting for new meat while he beds and courts you just in case you turn out to be a dud.

You didn't outright ask him to remove or at least, hide his profile. Why not? If you don't want him on there while you two figure out if you're meant to last the test of time, I suggest you ask him outright to delete or hide. If he won't then you have a decision to make.

Look after your own best emotional interests and if this guy is serious about you he'll delete. If he's just killing time with you, he won't.

Have you noticed any other red flag behaviour from him or is this the first alert?

[eo_ih]

It's foolish for anyone to stop looking just because they're seeing someone else.

[Wakeup]

Oh, I dunno. They've agreed to be exclusive with one another. They've met each others families. I'd say it's time he stopped looking so he and she can concentrate on one another and suss out if they are compatible enough for their relationship to last the test of time.

Nothing good usually comes from a situation where a couple is sexually active while one keeps looking. It means to me that 1) He/she is gearing up to leave or 2) The person who keeps looking is not really being exclusive if he's still seeking out dates with others.

OP needs to look out for her emotional best interests and ask the hard questions. No ignoring red flag behaviour like someone who keeps searching profiles.

I do agree that its foolish to quit looking prior to having sex and definately if neither of the parties have introduced each other to their familes and are still just feeling each other out and are not yet exclusive.

[maxmax]

It's foolish for anyone to stop looking just because they're seeing someone else.

Oh really? So, in your book, at what point does a relationship stop becoming dispensible?

If I start dating someone and I had such a profile, which I do, then my profile details/photos etc are coming off.

If I'm with someone it's not a numbers game or about keeping my options open looking for something or someone better.

If I'm with someone it's because I like them, want a healthy relationship with them, and respect them.

Considering the above, I'd have absolutely no need or desire to keep my profile up, and I would personally consider it insult to the person I was with to do so.

I would also want them to trust me, and that would be a good place to start.

[Natural_PUA]

i doubt it means much, actions speak louder than words, or at least they should. give him the benefit of the doubt but tell him it bothers you a lot because of how much you care for him and that you don't like the idea of losing him.

[DannyH]

about having the profile up though I had dating site profiles for years before my ex that I never took down. Why because i never needed to go back there after because I had her. Of course she didn't meet me through them so it was never an issue.

[Wakeup]

Good point actually. OP Is he still logging in? Because if he's not then what's the issue?

[Cerby]

That was my question has his profile changed? If not I wouldn't worry.

Personally I have never removed a dating profile when entering a relationship, whether it be off that site or not. I DO change the status from Single to "Not looking" or whatever that site supports though.

[Boisdevie]

I still have a profile on a dating website because I honestly don't know how to remove it. All the automatic emails I get from the site are deleted as spam by me. My GF knows all this and trusts me.

[kageri]

I've been married a year and a half and my profile is still active. We trust each other to the point we don't need profiles deleted. Sometimes we use them to message people we want to make friends with. Personally if I were going to delete or hide it I wouldn't bother until I'd been with someone at least 4-6months. 6weeks is nothing. You hardly know someone at all in a little over a month. I bet I know people from my martial arts school better than that even if I never hang out with them outside of class.

[lisa2011]

A lot of people aren't ready to put up the "Closed" sign until they are 100% sure of the relationship they are in. What if you have a falling out next week? I think that is what your boyfriend is thinking. Its still soon in your relationship. If he still has it up at 6 months, then worry.

[KelE]

I think you should just be honest with him about how it makes you feel that he still has that profile up. See What happens and I think you should pay attention to how he handles it and if you are not comfortable with it then you should then be honest with yourself about whether he is right for you.

[Yet another guy]

I would have understood that he was talking about sex when he asked to be exclusive. Besides, what does it matter if he has a profile there as long as he isn't initiating contact with girls.

[devonbrown]

It is possible that he just hasn't bothered deleting it because he hasn't cared enough to even go back to the site. But, if you want him to delete it, tell him that it makes you uncomfortable being in a committed relationship with someone who still has an active dating site profile. If he is serious about your relationship, he will delete it without any trouble. If not, he will put up a fight and try to convince you to let him leave it up. You should have your answer then.

Good luck.