Broke NC Today

[senokotmax]

Right so my break up was around 4 months ago and it has been a living hell after 5 years together. I started to get bored with her and frustrated with her not wanting to go out and do things and just wanting to stay in and watch TV all the time. So I was a bit mean and distant for a while and eventually I ended it. I then went back to her a month later and she said no, basically, and that she just wanted to be single and didn't want any boyfriend (let alone me).

So four months of being a fairly immature ex and pestering her, pleading, buying her gifts and she keeps saying no. It came to a head last saturday when I finally saw her face to face for the first time since the breakup and she said no, it wasn't what she wanted anymore. I cried alot, on her shoulder etc. She cried, we hugged, I left in tears.

Since then I've been NC basically. Then today I sent this text:

"If you hadn't made me spend every single weekend at the cinema or watching tv, if you had come and seen my parents for christmas like I nicely asked, if you hadn't stayed in your bedroom on the internet at new year. I would never have got frustrated and bored and said nasty things. And you would never have felt down and wanted to leave. Why am I battering myself over this!? It was more your fault that mine! And the parts that were my fault, you pushed me to be like that by being so lazy and uninterested about being a girlfriend! I genuinely wish you all the best, it just wasn't meant to be for us although I think in different circumstances it could have been perfect!! PLease stay in touch as friends if you want to. If you don't then just ignore this. I'll leave it up to you to initiate friendship if you want it. x"

"PS just booked a holiday to Prague this summer can't wait"


No reply thus far and that was three hours ago I sent that. Guess that's her answer and at least I feel a bit better for having taken the high ground a bit by offering friendship...

I take it if she doesn't reply by tonight then me phoning her and saying "I'll take that as a no then" would be a bad idea!?

[VincenzoG91]

I'm detecting a pattern here. She keeps saying no, and you keep asking her to change her mind. Why don't you just accept that no means no, and get on with your life. From what you described, neither of you are bad people, just too different from each other to make it work.

[flynhayn]

Man, if you're wanting her to keep in touch even if it's just as a friend, you're doing it 100% wrong. You can't keep pestering someone who is obviously not interested for the time being. Plus, your last little text message definitely pissed her off. You need to accept that it's over and drop it altogether. Whether she wants to be friends or not will be completely up to her but you can't force it or even wait for it.... but be prepared for the possibility of it never happening.

[Cerby]

You say you're taking the high ground, but the text you sent is pretty much blaming her for the break up, and a PS, I'm going on vacation (so **** you).

The high ground was respecting her decision to not take you back, telling her you'll be there for her if she ever needs you, and moving on.

[senokotmax]

Yeah... I'm clearly massively messed up! I really want her back which is the problem and I do think there is still a possiblilty of that in the future. Yes we are very different and it went wrong - nobody cheated on anybody, it was about as good as breakups can be. I however want to go back and accept her for who she is and treat her better now that I know it's what I want.

She's very uninterested and I KNOW that I have to accept that and leave her to it - I've made it clear that I want her back and how I feel but it's still a no from her. It's not a case of wanting what I can't have, its a case of having thought the grass would be greener and realising instantly that it was not and her having moved on in that time...

Very slim chance of us ever getting back together but if I am going to play it right from my end, what do I leave it at? Just tell her my feelings and say if she ever needs me I will be here for her and leave it there??

[pisces25]

It was more your fault that mine!

Honestly, I think that part of your text was very harsh and instantly suggests you haven't taken your share of responsibility. As for what you should do next you should just leave her alone. Accept it is over and move on. She sounds like she may have checked out of the relationship ages ago particularly if she lost interest in going out and stuff. Plus now she is single and she can stay at home all she likes and watch tv and play on the computer without someone hassling her about it.

I am sorry it took you losing her to realise your behaviour but accept it as a lesson and move on. You won't make the same mistake next time. That is what relationships are for. To learn from each other and grow as people. That is why the older we get the better our relationships are. Respect her position and move on. It won't be easy but it isn't impossible.

[senokotmax]

I only really said that because I've been apologising over and over for my part and really taking 100% of the blame and making myself out to be the bad guy. In hindsight, she contributed to me acting that way and that was why I had said that. I've been taking all of the blame and giving her none of it! I shouldn't have said that though as I've just pushed her further and further away with my post-breakup behaviour.

She was never ever up for going out though, its just not something she enjoys - has always been a little bit of a loner and enjoyed her own company, staying in etc. Towards the end I just got increasingly frustrated by it though.

I really desperately want her back although I wonder if now she is completely out of reach. I would give my left arm to turn back time and simply accept the situation as it was and not get this "grass is greener" feeling.

[steviej]

You just want what you can't have. If you got back with her the same pattern would emerge and you'd be thinking about splitting up because you're bored of her.

Move on, do the things you wanted to do, go out with friends, meet new people!

[pisces25]

You will have the chance to meet someone you are more compatible with who enjoys going out. I agree with Steviej that the same patterns would emerge if you did reconcile. You just want her coz she is out of your reach and you are mourning the loss of your relationship. How often do you see people trying to get back with their ex's in the first few weeks/months after the break-up compared to how many try after years part? You still have the attachment that comes with a break-up. You are still grieving and rightly so after 5 years. Stop the game of trying to get back with her and concentrate on moving on.

[senokotmax]

It's difficult to give up and move on but I know it's the right thing to do.

Out of curiosity, can anyone shed any light on how she might be feeling about me? Have I just become the nuisance ex that she wants nothing more to do with, and my very contacting her gets under her skin?

[Simple Life]

u sounds like my bf who just told me that its better we take a short break. you are as ego and not sincerely say sorry or admitted its your mistake.but if he is like you keep begging me, i would say yes to him coz im in pain now. i guess, she doesnt love u anymore. she already fed up.

[senokotmax]

u sounds like my bf who just told me that its better we take a short break. you are as ego and not sincerely say sorry or admitted its your mistake.but if he is like you keep begging me, i would say yes to him coz im in pain now. i guess, she doesnt love u anymore. she already fed up.

So in your opinion should I keep trying with her or just give up??

[Simple Life]

unless u really know that u did wrong and mean to change it. Not sure if she still loves u, if she is, she definitely want you to keep contacting her.maybe 1 or 2 text msg per day. dun talk abt what she did wrong anymore.win her back.dun ask her many many questions like how can she did this and that.u know u r immature...sorry to say so...no girls like ego man. please show ur patient to her to win her back. dun push her. wish u good luck

[ladyl]

To be honest as difficult as it is you should totally leave her alone now. All your doing by pestering her is annoying her and pushing her further away, she's guaranteed not to respond to if you keep pestering her, plus you will come accross as weak and needy neither of which are attractive traits. You need to get in control of your emotions, because when you're in a really emotional state you become very irrational. I just split up with someone just over 2 weeks ago and I did the very same thing, I panicked and was so emotional I kept contacting him which pushed him away even further. I'm only on day 2 of absolutely no contact and it's really hard but the best thing is to give the other person space. If you constantly pester them you only annoy them and don't give them a chance to really miss you. It's about you though, take some time and space for yourself to gain control of your emotions and digest what has happened. Just concentrate on yourself for a while so you can work through how you feel. Then maybe after a month or two of absolutely no contact with her when you're in a better frame of mind you can contact her casually and just simply ask how she is. By then you'll be in a much better place and even if you still don't get back together you'll be in a better frame of mind for dealing with it. It's really hard but keep yourself busy, and concentrate on you for a while and if it's meant to be it will be.