what should i do?!?

[drdroopy]

hello all, im reaching out and coming here because the best advice you can get is from a complete stranger. So heres the low down

Me and my GF have been on and off for 9 years, we have had our break ups and did out own thing for a few months and have done this a few times. We currently have a kid now (2.5 YO) and have not broken up or cheated in years. But the other day i found out she has been cheating, whats more is we had a fight and i moved out for one day but she asked that i move back and we give it a few weeks to try and make it work, but one week into this she started hooking up with a guy behind my back but i diddnt find out till two weeks later, this whole time thinking we were trying to make this work. It hurts like hell and her reason behind it was i wasnt giving her enough attention and making her feel loved enough. Now i really do love this girl we have been through hell and back and have a wonderful family when we make things work. Im not going to lie ive screwed up (not cheating) but i go out with friends and dont come home once in awhile and yes i know i could give her more attention. But im stuck at a crossroad right now, should i give her another chance or should i just take the pain and move on. It just makes it so much harder cause we have a kid together and i dont want to leave her and mess up our family........im sorry now im dragging on, please give me some honest advice.........

[bigdaddy863]

dude i would chect to c if that kids urs first but if she keeps cheating then she dnt want u for anything but a person to help pay bills thats y she asked u to move back in its time to let go bro and move on

[MerryH]

her reason behind it was i wasnt giving her enough attention and making her feel loved enough.

No. Do not accept this as a legitimate reason for her to cheat. There is no legitimate reason to cheat. She is blaming you, and that is complete and utter bullshit. You for sure weren't a perfect boyfriend, but that doesn't give her an excuse to cheat. She cheated because she was selfish and had no backbone. That is not your fault. If accepting blame for this has any bearing at all on you staying with her, then you're making a huge mistake.

The only way it will work out with her is if you completely forget about her indiscretions. It's not going to work if you can't get that image out of your head or if you're going to always wonder if she's stepping out on you again. Can you completely forget about it? Most people can't/won't.

[devonbrown]

People who are in the wrong (especially when confronted with cheating) often try to redirect the conversation and place the blame on you. Do not fall for this. The reason for her cheating is because she wanted to cheat. If you were the perfect boyfriend and gave her all the attention in the world, she would have cheated and told you that it was your fault for not allowing her enough independence. If you found a perfect balance there, she would have cheated and told you that it was your fault because you didn't make her toast dark enough. See what I am trying to say? She will always find a "reason" for her cheating and a way to blame it on you. But all of those reasons are just as lame as the toast reason.

Basically, your relationship will only work if BOTH of you want it to work. She begged you to come back saying she wanted to make it work, but a week later was cheating again? Doesn't sound like she wants it to work.

I understand your dilemna about your child, but it would be better for your child to spend time independently with one parent at a time who loves them than watch both of his/her parents continue to suffer through a disasterous relationship.

Good luck.

[drdroopy]

She tried to tell me that she asked me to move back in and try and make it work, but that she was just lying to herself by doing this, I have messed up in the past and she has taken me back and gave me chances, I'm thinking I might just have to give it a week, and if I can't stop thinking about it 100 times a day and hurting myself over and over then I will have to leave and find a way to still be with my kid as much as possible. It hurts alot but I prolly shouldn't stay here if it's gonna hurt every day, just makes it worse because aside from this I've hit a financial rut, my car broke down and things at work are not going that great so this couldn't have happened at a worse time, but better now then if I diddnt find out and she kept playing me for who knows how long.....

[Randumbz]

you guys have been doing the same stuff for way to long. forget about her and move on. please answer my thread

[drdroopy]

Well she answered my question this past weekend, come to find out she has cheated on me with well over 10 guys over the past 9 years of our relationship.....damn does that hurt......and it was all because I diddnt make her happy.......that's nine years of my live I wasted on someone who never cared for me, time I'll never get back that could have been spent with someone who isn't a liar and cheater........

[devonbrown]

Well she answered my question this past weekend, come to find out she has cheated on me with well over 10 guys over the past 9 years of our relationship.....damn does that hurt......and it was all because I diddnt make her happy.......that's nine years of my live I wasted on someone who never cared for me, time I'll never get back that could have been spent with someone who isn't a liar and cheater........

Listen to me closely - She cheated because she wanted to cheat. It had NOTHING to do with you not making her happy. If she was that unhappy, she would left the relationship. Unless she was just using you. In which case, she is a psychopath.

Don't think about that time as wasted. Just think of it as a very well learned lesson. And get out now to focus on more important things - like your child and your own happiness.