No Contact Rule gray area

[USMC0803]

Hi,
It has been almost two weeks now since we made the NO CONTACT rule. I pretty much told her I will be waiting until she figures out what she needs to figure out.
I just don’t see how she could be missing me or loving me without any contact.
HERE is my dilemma/what I was thinking:
I was thinking about putting a small paper crane on her windshield while she is at work one night. (it is a small paper crane from right before we started dating. someone had given it to her, who had a crush on her, and she had suprised me with it, it was really cute)
Do you think this is a good idea? I wouldnt actually be breaking NO CONTACT rule, it would just be leaving that, something small, on her windshield to remind her of me, and when it was good.

I'm kind of scared it might backfire, or she would think im not respecting the rule, I dont know. please help

[pisces25]

I just don’t see how she could be missing me or loving me without any contact.

Don't assume this. Just because she isn't contacting you doesn't mean she doesn't miss you. You told her you'd be waiting til she figured things out and I guess she hasn't yet figured things out.

Go ahead and put the crane on her windshield if you like but just be prepared for no response from her which could make you go even more banana's ie did she get it? what did she think? why didn't she tell me she got it? etc. If you put it on there with the expectation she is going to contact you and/or miss you you could be setting yourself up for disappointment.

[Riku]

Sorry but that is contact. No contact is hard and you are looking for a technicality it seems, but again...that absolutely is contact, don't do it.

[JadenMia]

Well, it depends. Who was the one who asked for no contact and why??

I dont understand, why people use no contact for anything other than actually breaking up and getting over someone. It makes absolutely NO sense to me.
To go no contact is to forget about someone and getting used to living life without a person.

To answer the question.. No, dont do it.

[USMC0803]

Well, I wouldn't be putting the crane on her windshield with the expectation that she will immediately make contact with me. I would just hope that it would have her think of a good moment for us. I wouldnt write anything with it, so no words. just the symbol of something personal. But again, does anybody think this is breaking the rule, or would push her away? Or, in your opinion, do you think she might think it's cute and since there arent words or begging or anything, that there would be no pressure.

I asked for the no contact rule as a last resort. After we broke up she said we shouldn't talk. then after a day we said that we couldn't stay away form eachother because we still do love eachother. And it just went downhill because i was still looking for answers, and it just pushed her away further. so before i lost her forever, i said we wont contact anymore until she contacts me when she is ready.

[DannyH]

No contact gives you a chance to think without having their input. You would be surprised how different things look about somebody when they are not in your ear whsipering I love you. That can be a very distracting, mind altering, and powerful phrase when used.

Don't do it though. It's a bad idea.

[Cerby]

USMC,

A week after my gf broke it off to get some space, I decided after 7 days of NC, I'd put her gloves along with a little note that stated "I hope you're doing well" into her locker at work. (yea, we work together, but at least we don't ever see each other there). It resulted in almost nothing, and although I didn't think I was expecting a response, subconsciously I was.

She sent me a simple text later that day that said "Thank you for the gloves, I'm doing well". I thought it was an opportunity and told her I missed her. Since that small text conversation I haven't heard from her again, so all it did was set me back.

I'd avoid the crane idea for now, and just leave space for a bit more time.

[VincenzoG91]

This would still be contact, and the contact would be so ambiguous that she could easily get the wrong message.

For example, to you, the crane signifies, "I hope we can get back together" or something like that.

To her, it might be interpreted as, "He is stalking me." Or worse yet, she might think it was from that guy who originally folded the crane because he had a crush on her. You probably don't want her thinking about him.

Don't try to get creative here. There are two possible ways for No Contact to work out to your advantage, and both of those are undermined by a gesture like this.

[eo_ih]

Oh god this is the worst idea ever. You're just trying to trick yourself out of no-contact, pull yourself together. It's actually a pretty creepy thing to do, to be honest. See the guy above as well, he tried a similar thing and it just sets you back. Emotionally, for yourself, and also in her eyes. It shows her that actually you're still obsessed with her and are being all soppy and weird, planning creepy little gestures.

And you're not meant to tell her that you're waiting for her or any such BS. Just stop talking to her, appear outwardly that you've totally moved on and don't really care about it all either way. And soon enough you'll wake up and realise actually it's true.

[USMC0803]

well the main reason i am considering this is because we BOTH have intentions of getting back together at some point. we (her) just needed a break and space. she wanted to "find herself" and be more independent instead of being so dependable on me and her family. We mainly had a lot of external pressure, not much wrong with "us." We are 21, and 22, havent lived together yet but were about to move 10 hours away from here where we knew nobody, and move in together,l and get $150,000 in debt. Way too much pressure for her, and we changed our minds, but it was too late, she still needed the space from all that pressure.
but like i said, there is still intention of getting back together. A lot of my stuff is still in her room (she just hid most of it out of sight for now). So this reasoning is why i thought the crane idea might be ok. Let her know that I am still here for her. Thank you for the advice so far. I suppose I should just hold off until she contacts me then?

[JadenMia]

Break = Over.

I just wouldnt put too much thought into this at all. Im sorry, i know i am being a downer. But there just isnt one story i can remember with a girl asking for a break and that couple ending up back together..
I know for myself, and every girl i know. A break with a man you love and want to be with, is just not something that we want.
Women dont like to straight out hurt a mans feelings.. If in the past, i have been with someone who i know loves me, and will be hurt if i left, i would usually break it off like this. I know, its probably the worst thing you could do.. Cowards way out if you like. Then to make it worse, i would probably talking to other men through the 'break' also. I dont know why.. Its not a nice thing to do and i certainly wouldnt do anything like that now. But i did do it.
I know if all i want is to be with a man and i love him. I wouldnt need 'space', i wouldnt ask for a break. Anything that i needed to figure out, in my eyes, could be done together. I wouldnt ever ask for a break with my current partner, i love him and i just want to be with him. The only other man i loved it was the exact same.

You said it had been nearly 2 weeks since she contacted you? Isnt that strange to you? Why on earth would someone not want to talk to someone who they were in love with? If anyone asked me for a break. I'd tell them to get f*cked.

Hold off until she contacts you first. Do not make a single gesture of kindness or love. Just act like you arent too hung up on it at all. Thats pretty much the best thing you can do at this point. I mean, if you have already been doing that and its been nearly 2 week.. Not a good sign in my eyes. Best of luck

[devonbrown]

Very simply about the little paper on her windshield - don't do it. It will come across as stalkerish and creepy. That is the last thing you want her to be thinking about you.

Concentrate on yourself during this break. Do things you enjoy. Don't put your life on hold for her to figure herself out.

Good luck.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You need to occupy your time better. Stay busy, and most importantly, start talking to other girls. Once you realize that she is not the be all and end all of women, and there are other women that would be interested in you, you'll be able to start letting go of your ex. For whatever reason, when you reach that point of comfortableness without the ex, they always seem to want to come back around. You had better believe she's going to be talking to other guys, no matter what she tells you. You don't want to be sitting there waiting on her when you get that news.

[justcheckin]

if you want my personal opinion, absolute zero contact is better then a little tiny contact here and there.


You got to give her some space or she will never know how she truly feels. Thats just the nature of the game, your best option here is to not act like you are "waiting" for her and to continue your life and act like it doesn't bother you. Either she is going to miss you or she isnt. But in the mean time, you are going to take care of yourself anyways and move on and hope that maybe she might change her mind, but you never know. If she sees that you are putting stuff on her window you obviously are still basically waiting wiht your hands out, and girls dont like that stuff.

[USMC0803]

yeah. I have been occupying my time, and putting myself out there again. I mean, I flirt with other girls, which is fun, but it is always hallow and i always end up thinking about my ex anyway, regardless of how fun and attractive the other girl's im flirting with are. One girl just broke up with her ex a few weeks ago, and we were cuddling up watchng a movie, but that was shallow too because it was just that we both missed doing that in our relationships.
I take pictures with everyone im hanging out with and i get tagged in them on facebook, etc. I'm posting fun, positive stuff. So, from the outside I am looking independent and confident, like the guy who my ex fell in love with in the first place. And i know whwne she does contact me back, im not going to be needy or begging, just to play it cool and be that guy again. Take it slow. After all, she does still need to regain my trust back because of this "break"