Is it safe?

[zoey123]

A couple weeks ago my friends and I were out at a bar downtown. I live in a very quiet and relatively small town, so the "bar" scene is just a small, comfortable place where we tend to run into our old teachers and our friend's parents, nothing crazy. There was a man sitting at the bar by himself, and after watching him for a while we invited him to come sit with us. He was very attractive, very charismatic, and very respectful. He's in the military and was very recently stationed here, so he doesn't know anyone yet. We invited him there with us again the other night, and I sat talking to him for a while. Again, a really nice guy. He talks a lot about his family and it's clear that they're very important to him.

So we became facebook friends, and texted each other a little today. This is where I'm a little disconcerted and afraid. I really felt a connection with him and I would love to get to know him some more... but I want to be safe, and I've never done something like this before. He seemed like a truly great guy, but "seeming" isn't enough to be certain that somebody is who and what they say they are.

There were a few other things... I'm not sure if they're "red flags" or just the way he is. In person, he's very unassuming and humble. But on his facebook page, he has literally hundreds of pictures that he's taken of himself. Nobody else, only him. Under his "favorite quotations" section, he quotes himself. It was comforting to see that his mom and brothers post a lot on his page, so at least I know that's legit.

I don't know... I don't want to miss out on an opportunity but I've heard far too many horror stories to just push my fears aside. I've just never met a guy in a bar before... so what precautions do I take and what signs do I look for?

[devonbrown]

He could be just a really nice guy. That is possible. Of course, Jeffery Dahmer seemed to be a really nice guy too.

I think you have every reason to be cautious in this situation. When you go out with him, make sure it is a public place. Keep things in the public eye and very visible for a while. Let friends and family know where you are. Keep mace or pepper spray with you. Just be careful.

Also, all the pictures of just himself might mean he is a bit of a narcissist. That is something else I would watch out for, because he may not give you the attention you need (since it will all be going to himself).

Good luck.

[oldskool83]

not all people in bars are bad, he could be loney just passing time off to get out and be out. might as well talk with him sum. mornaly in the 1st few days i can figure out what somone is about or wants. just be friends, hang. what can it hurt.

[natasha84]

I would introduce him to some of your male friends (if possible) and hang out with him in a group a few more times. As the replies say, not all people in bars are bad. So if you're careful and smart about it things should go smoothly. Don't be too vulnerable but don't automatically assume he's a bad person.