No Contact ! I feel so great right now ! :) Hope this helps !

[McRich01]

Hello Everyone !

Something amazing has happened.....I No longer have any feelings for my ex, And i can honestly say right now that i am absolutely 100% over her.

Firstly, I will not, And can not physically stress to you guys how important no contact is ! This has been the absolute backbone to my recovery.

When she broke up with me 2 weeks ago after a 16 month + relationship, I can honestly say that i was a mess, I was heartbroken, I was hurting so bad beyond what i thought was humanly possible, Everything remind me of her. I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink, I was so depressed, In fact i even cried.

I did the ultimate no no, I begged her to come back, In the first 5 days of the break, I was constantly phoning her, Texting her, Telling her i would change....You know how it goes, The self blame game, Which, Didn't work ! Instead i probably made a right old jackass of myself.

Firstly, Let me tell you one thing, EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY !

You don't have to cry anymore, You don't have to hurt, Trust me, You are torturing yourself for something that you are not to blame for ! Women can be manipulative, In fact my ex was apparently hurting aswell, Giving me the ole 'I still love you' But i cant be with you speech, You know the one.....Basically, Shes either fallen out of love with you, Moved on to different things, Or theres someone else on the scene. Either way, What ever you say is not going to bring her back, Her decision is made ! I know this is not what you want to hear, But its the truth.

I would love to sit here and tell you about some quick fix scheme that will get her back ! But they don't exist !

Right. Now heres the action plan of what you need to do !

No Contact ! No Contact ! No Contact ! I can not stress how important it is not to contact her ! Why ? well lets go into this....

- No contact is the best way to allow your self time to recover! Remember, You've just been hit by what feels like a tonne of bricks to the heart and stomach. Think of it as an addiction ! Time away from the problem heals and gives you chance to recover! Much like a smoker who wants to give up smoking, The first few days is the hardest, You want to reach in and grab a smoke, But you know if you do then you're back to square one, Well its the same with no contact, You have to find a way not to contact her, Mine was simple, Everytime i had an urge to text her, I would think of a reason, Something she's done to hurt me, Which was enough for me to stay on track. I can honestly say this as a skeptic to the whole 'No Contact' that it works, And it works well. I've gone almost a week without any form of contact with her, And to be honest, I feel so god dam amazing right now ! Although i know she will text me in a few weeks with her stupid sob stories, I now have the strength to ignore her, And i've moved on.

Be warned, No Contact isn't easy, Much like smoking, If you end up contacting her, you will get hurt, And you will be back to square one again. You have to have the will power to say no ! Because you are so much better then that, You are a unique human being who has so much more self worth then to feel upset about someone whos broke your heart. Don't blame your self.

Focus ! This is important, Focus is the key to moving on, You have to focus on yourself now, Remember you are number one ! Look after this amazing body and mind you where given ! Smile ! Go out with your friends ! Talk to your family, Do them things you are interested in doing ! Get out there ! I can honestly tell you the amount of single women out there who would love someone like you to give them love is amazing ! There are so many fish in the sea, And you will find your perfect catch.

Patience ! It isn't a quick fix, Be prepared to hurt for as long as it takes, Be pre pared to have those bad days where you feel like the world is against you, I had them, But i always remember one golden rule. No Contact ! I remember what she's done to me, Why the hell should i be chasing her ? It takes time to heal a broken heart, Some people it can take days, Some months, Some even years ! Vent your anger on something positive ! Like hitting the gym and blowing all that steam off !

Grieve ! Sounds silly doesn't it ? We always relate grieving to the passing of a loved one, But you have to grieve, take 10 minutes, Go find somewhere quiet and private, And cry ! A good cry can do you the world of good, Because you are letting out that climax of emotions, You will feel alot better afterwards !

Don't chase her, Don't contact her, Don't beg her, Don't plead with her ! - You are worth so much more !

Any questions i'll be happy to answer.

Best of luck with your recovery, Take care of your self, Head up ! Smile ! There are people going through things 10 times worse then you right now.

God bless.

[Cerby]

McRich, only 2 weeks ago, minues 5 days of begging, so 9 days of NC and you're better?

You must not have cared that much :S. I'm almost at 2 weeks, with only 1 small text contact after the first week, and I still think about mine all the time. Getting better yes, but over it, no!

Not to call it out, but I think you might relapse into thoughts of her, plus in this phase of NC, there is still a chance SHE might call YOU, I've heard of exes calling dumpees in NC as much as 2-3 months later, whereas you're only at 2 weeks.

[McRich01]

McRich, only 2 weeks ago, minues 5 days of begging, so 9 days of NC and you're better?

You must not have cared that much :S. I'm almost at 2 weeks, with only 1 small text contact after the first week, and I still think about mine all the time. Getting better yes, but over it, no!

Not to call it out, but I think you might relapse into thoughts of her, plus in this phase of NC, there is still a chance SHE might call YOU, I've heard of exes calling dumpees in NC as much as 2-3 months later, whereas you're only at 2 weeks.

Yes, Yes i am better !

Like i said in my post, Everyone is different, Some people take days, Some weeks, Some months, Some even years !

I did care mate, A hell of alot, In fact so much so that i spent days writing poems, Letters, Texts, Messages to her etc etc........I've had support from friends and family to help me. But i will honestly say that no contact works.

I'm sorry to hear that ! I wish you all the best.

[Cerby]

Strong indeed, I know there are some people on this forum going on months in pain. I thought I was doing pretty good for 2 weeks, but I envy those who can get over these things so fast. I figure it will take me a month to recover to the point that I'm happy.

[Horseyguy]

Nearly three months and I still think about her.

Don't think I'll ever be 100% over her but at least now I'm able to start moving on

9 days of NC after 5 days of begging sounds like someone is in the denial stage or their ex wasn't really that important to them in the first place

[Petit Papillon]

Everyone has his own healing timer... Whereas I think moving on (or at least feeling better) after 2 weeks is healthy and good , dwelling on a broken relationship for months is unhealthy and sick... weeks yay!months no no...

[Cerby]

I think a lot of it might have to do with experience too. I'm no dating veteran, 26 and had only 1 truly serious relationship in my life. I've only dated 3 other girls for more than 4 months, with a total time in relationships equaling just over 4 years.

I've been heartbroken once, and dumped 2 out of 4 relationships (including this one). So even at 26 I'm still learning to get over it, this time is much much easier for me than the first time I was really hurt (that was seriously months, and I gained a lot of weight). I haven't learned in my heart that sometimes these things "just happen", I still believe in the fairy tale that if I love her and we're together, she probably loves me the same.

Some of the people here have had 1, maybe 2 relationships, and they're at the point I was at when I got heartbroken earlier in life, months of "Why doesn't he/she love me anymore?"

[Petit Papillon]

Unfortunately it isn't so... In my opinion , if two people ever really loved each other , there is always a way to prevent the relationship from failing. People don't stop to love without a reason ...and everything can be a reason, even too much love can be a reason. The best is to live stay in kind of equilibrium. And communicate. How do you want to solve a problem if you cannot talk about it ? Relationships are constant work. Some people forget about it and get to a moment,when it's too late to save anything ... if there is nothing to save, there comes a break up .And then - moving on ,a thing which puts a dot to something that was. But dot means there is end of something,but also a beginning.

[McRich01]

Nearly three months and I still think about her.

Don't think I'll ever be 100% over her but at least now I'm able to start moving on

9 days of NC after 5 days of begging sounds like someone is in the denial stage or their ex wasn't really that important to them in the first place

I can see where you are coming from on that one ! But if it was that important then we would have been able to work through it ! The fact that she left me tells me she couldn't, And would rather be with someone else......Why should i mope around ? I've been through that stage, Picked my self up, And i now have an amazing out look on life. I guess if you have the will power to really tell your self its time to move on then yeah its possible in no time.

Remember everyones different......

[McRich01]

Strong indeed, I know there are some people on this forum going on months in pain. I thought I was doing pretty good for 2 weeks, but I envy those who can get over these things so fast. I figure it will take me a month to recover to the point that I'm happy.

I guess 16 months is child play compared to those on these forums who have been together 5+ years !

Like i said, Its all about mental positive attitude, Mind over matter, You really have to focus yourself.

I'm sure with time and strength you will find your self again, And i'm sure through time you will find the most amazing person to share your life with !

Best of luck Cerby.

[Jared660]

Only just a few minutes ago I was practically begging my ex to come over and watch a movie because she said she wanted too. (We have been broken up for almost a week) Come to find out she starting hanging out with my co-worker (the whole reason we broke up because she was hanging out with him behind my back). After reading this post and so many others about no-contact... i'm going to try. This next month is going to be hard because 1. I work with the guy, 2. I see her at PT when we have it, and we are in the same squadron. I really hope it gets better once I start my deployment... I will be on the other side of the world. It still hurts to think about it because when we talk I can see in her eyes that she knows she made a mistake. I hope this works and maybe, for once, the good guy wont finish last!

[patrik]

I'm glad to hear you're doing so great McRich01!!

I hope you can help me with my problem:
5 months ago I got my heart broken for the very first time in my life. I tried a few times to have the less contact as possible, but this isn't working because we follow the same classes and have a lot of mutual friends...
2 months after the breakup I went on a holliday for two weeks, and I really felt good. Finally NC was possible.
But when she messaged me on fb, saying she hadn't heard from me for a while, all my work had been for nothing.
It brought me back to the start. I started giving myself false hope again, I always do this.
I now got 2 months vacation, so I hope it will get better, but I realised that instead of healing, I'm just hoping every second of the day that she will start to miss me because of the NC.
I'm afraid that this isn't a good mindset at all, and I'm only making it more difficult for myself.
I'm also afraid that when vacation is over and I'm forced to see her again, everything will start all over again!

please help me, I'm new to all of this...

[DannyH]

I would say experiene and how much your lives are intertwined. I mean me and my ex. House in both are names, bills, we shared a car, bank accounts, you just can't up and leave without dealing with that stuff and since we weren't even married we didn't even have a middle man or two to hep us out dealing with that stuff. We had to do it with emotions running full blast. That makes things more difficult because you can't just forget things like that. Then once we finally got everything settlled and I started no contact. She calls up a week later. Now the doubts are floating back if I did the right thing about leaving. Do I feel bad about myself and that I can't get another women or I can't be happy alone? no. Do I think that if I go back I could make it work? yes. It's a fun game of ping pong in my mind.
My other exe's were all less painful because our lives were less intertwined we broke up that was it. no talking nothing. I missed them for a bit, I felt bad for a bit, and boom done.
My first girl though jesus. That went the full circle Took a while to get over her and there was no contact. I was completely over her until 12 years down the road she finds me talks to me and I notice oh crap I am still quite attracted to her. It doesn't bring up any bad feelings anymore I don't think about her anymore cause we stopped talking again but if I allowed myself to I could fall for her again. it really would be like starting over from scratch.

[ladyl]

Good for you McRich. I'm only on Day 4 of no contact, although we broke up around 2 weeks ago for the most ridiculous of reasons. During the 2 weeks we were texting and I was seeing him at work. We work for the same company but thankfully there are different offices so I'm planning to avoid his office for at least another 3 weeks. I am thinking about him all the time but I reckon another 3 weeks and I'll be fine. The hardest thing for me is that as each day goes by I do feel a bit better but it also brings the realisation that he's not going to get in touch and that's really tough. But I guess accepting it is all part of the process. I'm just trying to keep busy, I've just entered a 10k! Feeling much more in control of my emotions at least. I think once I work through my feelings I'll probably even be able to be friends with him eventually.

[senokotmax]

9 days isn't anything like enough to be saying you're over it!