Moving to the city my ex lives in

[Layna]

Hi everyone!
I'm living at home for a few months atm after being abroad a few years. Now I'm about to move to the city my ex lives in! We broke up not too long ago, it was not a very nice breakup, I still have feelings for him but it is definitely over and I know that. I dont want him back, but I'm not over him yet either.

I love the city he lives in, and there really is not anywhere else I would rather live. But I am scared what it will be like knowing he is there and I might run into him, maybe with a new girl even (although this is unlikely, the city is very big, but who knows?). I am very sure I want to live there and I also know there is no chance of us getting back together, so that he lives there would deter me rather than convince me to go there. The move would be very soon, next month. But I am a bit scared what it will be like for me.

Has anyone been in this situation? Or have any tips?

[Cerby]

How big is this city? I don't think this should be a issue at all unless you're going to be neighbours. I live less than a 2 min drive from my ex, and I deal with it. You'll be fine

[flynhayn]

It will get to you every once in a while, but there's no reason to be scared over the possibility of seeing someone unless you ACTUALLY see them. Thinking about it too much can ruin your time there so you just need to keep blocking it out.

[HeartIsAching]

Why is it scary? Why would it matter if you see him with another girl? What's the real story here?

Also, as Cerby asked, how big is the city? How likely is it you actually will run into him? Accidentally, I mean.

[Layna]

Thank you everyone for your answers! The city has about 4 million inhabitants, so it is big enough. There are of course a number of places that young people particularly like to go to (certain night clubs, shopping areas, parks) and the chance of seeing him there is probably a little bit higher, but still not very high. It probably would happen at some point, the world always turns out to be a village, but likely very very rarely and hopefuly not too soon.

HeartIsAching, there is no real story. It is just that I'm not over him and I suspect it will take me a while yet, so seeing him and especially seeing him with someone new would probably be quite painful for me and maybe set me back a little. That's all.

My other worry is that I have only been in this city with him, and so I associate everything with him. That will probably take a while to get over tool. But I really want to move there and so I guess all I can do is take the plunge and keep busy.

[Cerby]

4 million people!? You will NEVER see him, unless you go out of your way to be somewhere you know he is. If you love the city go for it, who cares about associating the city with your memories.

As I said above, my ex lives 2 minutes from me, shops at the same places I do, hangs out at a lot of the same places I do. I get by just fine, and I think you'll have no problem avoiding this situation.

[Layna]

Thanks, Cerby. It is true, chances are slim, although like in every other city there are a number of popular places where you are more likely to run into someone. But that story about your ex certainly helps - I'll definitely be more than two minutes away if I can help it, so it should be even easier for me then!

I do love the city, am just scared of experiencing a setback of sorts. But there is only one way to find out, I really want to go, I shouldn't let him or my feelings for him (especially now) dictate what I do, and so a little reassurance from other people like this can go a long way

[VincenzoG91]

The metro area where I live has less than 3 million people. In the 20 years that I have lived here, I have dated a lot of women but only ran into one of them after we stopped dating. It was 10 years later and she didn't even notice me because she was all over some guy. I recognized her, even though she had gained about 30 pounds. It was no big deal.

[Layna]

Thanks Vincent, that definitely makes me feel better also. I guess it's time to just go for it.

[Layna]

I have been here for a week now and I have to say it's going pretty well. Of course I feel alone and don't know anyone and that is a little hard, but none of the worries I had about associating everything with my ex and so on have come true. I have already been to many places we went together and even walked past his house and felt just fine.

The only thing is that in moments when I feel lonely, I am very tempted to contact him... I know nothing would happen, but I'd see a familiar face and could get a hug. But I'm trying my best to fight that urge. I don't think any good would come from it.