My girlfriend has secrets... and it hurts

[3_C]

Hi guys

me and my girlfriend are a couple since almost 4 years now. I love her more than anything and I know that she loves me more than anything too. She's visiting her sister in Melbourne Australia from May to end of July (we're from Germany btw) to help her out with her two kids (1.5 years and newborn). So now she's gone for 2 months already.
In the beginning we used to skype every day but now as she's meeting more and more people over there we're not talking that often anymore. Whenever we talk it's only for 10 minutes or so, before she has to leave again. I'm waiting every morning and every evening for her to come online mostly to be disappointed... kind of makes me feel like an idiot...

She recently got to know an artist from Melbourne's most popular street art crew. Now he's showing her around in the city and they hang out in the evening to get some beers and so on.... she told me all of this on Skype

On the one hand side I'm really happy for her that she's getting to know interesting people but on the other hand I'm also extremely jealous... I try not to show her as I really want her to enjoy her stay over there, but she did realize that the whole situation kind of depresses me. Since she realized that, she doesn’t contact me that often anymore.

I mean she told me that the guy is married and that just makes me wonder. Why would a married man hang out with a 19 year old extremely attractive girl. What does his wife think about that? Does she even know?

I found out that my girlfriend created a new email account where she corresponds with the guy. I know all of her passwords and she also knows all of my passwords. While she’s in Australia she’s enrolling for several universities here in Germany. The deal is that I then print out the application confirmations and mail them to the respective universities (post office mail… not email). So I’m not spying on her, she wants me to log into her email and take care of her university stuff.
Some time ago there was a confirmation email of a new email account she had created. I was curious and logged in to it (same password as her regular email) and saw that she uses this secret email to correspond with the guy I was talking about. They’re just using it to plan when and where to hook up again… they’re not flirting or anything…. But the fact that she’s keeping all of this a secret is killing me!!!
I’m pretty sure she’s just keeping it secret because she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings and she doesn’t want me to worry… but because I know all of this, it has the the complete adverse effect. It’s driving me crazy

She also changed her facebook password. I don’t have a facebook page myself. But there have been occasions where I used her facebook to contact old friends. She offered it to me.

It just makes me think that there are things happening over there that I’m not supposed to know about and that hurts so much. I just feel like I have to get this off my chest, cause I don’t talk about this stuff with anybody.

I would appreciate your thoughts or some input….

[bulrush]

She recently got to know an artist from Melbourne's most popular street art crew. Now he's showing her around in the city and they hang out in the evening to get some beers and so on.... she told me all of this on Skype...
I found out that my girlfriend created a new email account where she corresponds with the guy.

This sounds very suspicious. I think your GF is having an affair with this dude. Sorry to say that. An innocent person wouldn't act like this.

[Saya]

I don't know why she have to make a different email account to contact this guy... She may be hiding something from you so I think that you two should talk about this and get some answer from her.

[Horseyguy]

What happens in Melbourne stays in Melbourne

[HeartIsAching]

So I’m not spying on her, she wants me to log into her email and take care of her university stuff.

<snip>

Some time ago there was a confirmation email of a new email account she had created. I was curious and logged in to it (same password as her regular email) and saw that she uses this secret email to correspond with the guy I was talking about. They’re just using it to plan when and where to hook up again… they’re not flirting or anything…. But the fact that she’s keeping all of this a secret is killing me!!!
I’m pretty sure she’s just keeping it secret because she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings and she doesn’t want me to worry… but because I know all of this, it has the the complete adverse effect. It’s driving me crazy

She also changed her facebook password. I don’t have a facebook page myself. But there have been occasions where I used her facebook to contact old friends. She offered it to me.

It just makes me think that there are things happening over there that I’m not supposed to know about and that hurts so much. I just feel like I have to get this off my chest, cause I don’t talk about this stuff with anybody.

I would appreciate your thoughts or some input….

First off, you are spying on her. If she gave you access to her email in order to conduct business for her, that's one thing... getting into her new email account that she DIDN'T ask you to use to conduct business is something else.

However, I think it's pretty obvious that she's doing something behind your back. Personally I'd just dump her.

[supermarkliu]

If she isn't willing to share her intimate secrets with you, then she doesn't really understand what a relationship is about. You should respond by refusing to share her bed.

[kageri]

She's kind of not sharing his bed since she's on the other side of the equator right now....

I do set up email accounts for various purposes. I have one I use for family, one I use for other people I know offline, one I used for when I was online dating that I occasionally use when answering platonic CL ads to find friends, one I use to sign up to yahoo groups, one that I no longer use which was specifically for online surveys but even if you do those things constantly the best I ever accomplished was $10 a month so I gave it up, and that's just in gmail. I then have an aol account which did have my bills going to it but now the bills are in my husband's name, yahoo email to originally sign up for the yahoo groups, hotmail.... My husband has 4 or 5 email accounts for different purposes. Setting up a new account just to keep track of conversations with one person or one specific group isn't actually so odd for me.

Combined though her actions are a little suspicious. First off just wanting to spend 2 months away from my partner might mean something was up even if I had family to visit. For that same reason I would likely spend hours talking to him online since I wouldn't want to be away from him for 2months straight. Meeting lots of guys, blocking your access on facebook.... I'm not entirely sure what you can do about it though. Even if you were right and you confronted her the best you are going to do is start an argument and get your access to her stuff blocked more. Either she's not going to take your accusations seriously and think you are over reacting or she already knows she's doing something wrong and has already decided she doesn't care. You could also end up being wrong and then there would be hurt feelings and still an argument that gains you nothing. Personally I would only mention that I would prefer to talk more and then try to keep myself busy hoping that things go back to normal at the end of 2 months because I don't see any good way to approach that conversation that would help the situation any.

[HeartIsAching]

If she isn't willing to share her intimate secrets with you, then she doesn't really understand what a relationship is about. You should respond by refusing to share her bed.

Nice passive-aggressive response!

[pisces25]

Not wanting to scare you but you have been together since you were 15. There is every chance she is going through a major 'growth' period where she is finding a new side to herself and enjoying the time to explore new things and meet new people. Not saying this means you will break up but it may happen that she returns a different person than when she left. I was with my first bf from 15-18 yrs old and just outgrew him. It is quite common at this age and the fact she is travelling and exploring new things compounds it. It does sound like she is pulling away from you. She will be back in a month so maybe see how things are when she returns?

Have you addressed your concerns with her?

[the_last_jedi]

If she isn't willing to share her intimate secrets with you, then she doesn't really understand what a relationship is about. You should respond by refusing to share her bed.

That is too extreme, in my view. I think that respecting your partner's privacy is one important part of a successful relationship. You don't have to share ALL your life with your partner. For instance: if you talk to one of your friends about your partner, you won't say to him/her what you have said, of course :-)

In this case, an infidelity is possible... but only possible. I think that his girlfriend is completely aware of the fact that he is jealous and that is the reason why she is starting to hide him some things, even though they are very likely to be absolutely harmless.

Be patient, wait until your girlfriend comes back, and the talk to her about it in a calm way, avoiding a strong argument.