love going to waste...

[knicolet]

where to begin. my boyfriend just broke up with me three days ago over the phone after being out of town for job training for a week and ignoring me that entire week. i feel like this has just come out of nowhere...i mean i know a lot of people say this but i really did not do anything to warrant a break up. i feel like both of us are in a rather rough patch of our lives right now with a lot of stress and i guess that started to affect our relationship. i do not have contact with my mother or sisters because they harass me and are potent in my life...well they also had begun to harass my ex...which took a toll on our relationship. however, i can't control that and i just don't think it's right that that is being taken out on me. it would be one thing if they were a part of my life, but they're not...i tried telling him to block their numbers and/or ignore them but he just kept saying that it will never go away and he cant deal with it. before he left for job training we got into an argument about my family issues...he left me sitting in my car crying and just took off for a week. ignored my texts and calls for the majority of the week. when he finally decided to talk, he tells me that he can't be in a relationship anymore. he says that things have changed since the beginning of our relationship (normal) and that he is tired of trying to make it work. i mean we have our fair share of fights, but nothing that cant be talked about and fixed and moved on from. i mean i feel like he expects to never fight...he also says that he needs to work on himself before he can be in a relationship and that it's not good for either of us to be together. most recently, he told me he wants nothing to do with me and that i am no longer welcome at his house. i don't know...i mean i guess i just feel a bit overwhelmed and slighted. he claims to love me and says that he cares and thats not the problem but that he can't do it anymore. idk, i guess i just feel that if he really loved me he would want to work things out. i love him so much and i don't want to lose him...i just don't know what to do. any advice?

[misombra]

Leave him alone. Find someone whose family is equally as psycho as yours.

[tremolo]

You poor thing. You must feel really blindsided. I'm afraid there isn't much you can do if he has decided to check out of the relationship. I went through a similar thing recently. You can tell them all you want that you love them, and you want to make it work - but when a man has reached his breaking point, sometimes that's just it. I think men have different tolerance levels for stress, drama, conflict... perhaps your ex, like mine, has a really low tolerance level. Or maybe just not high enough - depending how annoying your family was being.

If I were you, I would try to heal and move on. He may or may not come back to you... but in the meantime, I think you should try to make peace with his decision.

[knicolet]

yeah but i just feel like the family issues shouldnt be affecting our relationship...its stupid. and i think its less about my family now and more about how things have changed and he can't do it anymore...

[knicolet]

i've been told to just ignore him...don't call him or text him or anything. but it's so hard and i feel like if im not trying, then he isn't hurting or thinking about me like i am. not like i can call anyway seeing as though he blocked my number. i dont know...im starting to feel like he never really loved me in the first place if he can just give up so easily...i mean it was just like a week before that that he was telling me he loved me for real...and we've talked about our future...it's just hard to move on without him when i still care so much and im not at fault.

[tremolo]

yeah but i just feel like the family issues shouldnt be affecting our relationship...its stupid. and i think its less about my family now and more about how things have changed and he can't do it anymore...

My ex split with me over something stupid, which should have been a non-issue. I think, really, he just felt that what I wanted from him was too much - even though it wasn't, really. Maybe your ex feels overwhelmed and like he couldn't handle what was going on. Maybe these issues with your family were just the final straw. Since it's impossible to know for sure, I think you should just accept what he's told you and focus on moving forward. I know it's not what you want to do, but I think it's really the best thing for you now.

If he changes his mind, he'll come back to you. He's told you *he* can't do it anymore, so it's really his problem - not yours.

[tremolo]

im starting to feel like he never really loved me in the first place if he can just give up so easily....

I said that very thing to my ex when he dumped me, and he got mad at me for saying it. The more I've thought about it, I think that feeling is not an accurate perception. But I know how strong the feeling is. I've been struggling with that myself lately. Just keep reminding yourself of his love for you, and then try to accept the fact that the relationship is over - whether or not he still loves you.

The fact is, you need someone who can handle whatever issues you bring with you. It doesn't sound like your ex can.

[knicolet]

i guess i could try just giving him space and attempting to move on...but i hate the idea of breaks...i feel like the more time we spend apart the worse things get and the more things deteriorate and if he does ever decide to contact me i feel like it will just be too late. i wish he would just agree to talk to me face to face one last time. i mean who breaks up with someone over the phone after ignoring them for a week...i don't understand why i want to see him but he doesn't care if he ever sees me again.

[tremolo]

I know exactly how you feel. Every week that goes by and I don't hear from my ex, I realize more and more that it's over. I went a month without contacting him, and then sent him an email which he has not responded to. I have no idea if he got it, or read it... I have no idea if it meant anything to him, or whether he's already moved on. But his silence makes me feel like I'm a dead memory to him, and it hurts.

I think, to protect your heart, you should leave him alone and get rid of his contact information. Continuing to call him will only drive him further away, as he's already made it clear he doesn't want to talk to you. Blocking your number is pretty extreme. Just try to let him go... and try not to hold out hope that he'll come back to you. He may, but as it's unlikely, you really need to take steps to move on from him now. The longer you delay, the longer it will be until you feel good again.

[KelE]

I feel bad for you and what you are going through. It really does suck to go through this kind of thing. Maybe just try to work on your self and maybe try to get your family issues resolved. Sounds like whatever is going on in your family is a problem that could crop up again in any future relationship you have, so don't ignore that. You might need to set some boundaries with your family now instead of trying to deal with it later when you try to have a healthy relationship.

[knicolet]

i can't imagine...it makes me sick and i start crying all over again when i let myself think that this really is the end and i may never see or hear from him again. its heart breaking. as much as i want to move on, i just feel like i'm leaving love behind...i will always love him. i've never felt so strongly for someone and he used to tell me the same. we used to talk about how this relationship was different. i was thinking about sending him an email to get everything off my chest since he won't talk to me any other way. at least then he'll know...like you said the silence is torture. i can't handle it. i'd rather fight with him then hear nothing at all. as terrible as that sounds. i know what i need to do, for me, but it's not what i want to do. he's made it pretty clear that it's over but i just can't let go. at this rate, i feel like i will never be the same.

[knicolet]

to make a long story short, i've never had a good relationship with my mother...she is a very spiteful, vindictive person. and that being said, i doubt i will ever try or want to try to resolve things on that end. as for my sisters, let's just say it's hard to be the bigger person. both of them turned on me thanks to being brainwashed by mother. they both have said such horrible, hurtful things to me and to my ex that im not sure i could ever forgive them. and i feel like fixing things with them will just make them think i was wrong and they were right.

[tremolo]

i was thinking about sending him an email to get everything off my chest since he won't talk to me any other way. at least then he'll know...

Having just done this, I can say that I feel generally good about having written my ex. Though I'm a little hurt he ignored my email, I'm glad I said my piece and tried to get him to see things from my point of view. But I would recommend that you give it some time before you write him. Wait a few weeks until your perspective is clearer. In my case, I realized I wanted to say things not necessarily to get him back, but just to try to smooth over the breakup and clear the air a bit. I think you need to spend some time without him until you gain that necessary distance to see things more objectively.

[DarkHelmet82]

Having just done this, I can say that I feel generally good about having written my ex. Though I'm a little hurt he ignored my email, I'm glad I said my piece and tried to get him to see things from my point of view. But I would recommend that you give it some time before you write him. Wait a few weeks until your perspective is clearer. In my case, I realized I wanted to say things not necessarily to get him back, but just to try to smooth over the breakup and clear the air a bit. I think you need to spend some time without him until you gain that necessary distance to see things more objectively.

Yeah i wrote a letter and didnt hear much either... I agree I would wait.. you may not feel the same as you do today.