So what did I learn? (Long)

[Horseyguy]

Think I am pretty much done here, or at least for now anyway. Maybe I might pop back for some advice now and then and I'll certainly stick around and try and help others where I can but as far as my last relationship goes I'm pretty sorted.

I came here back in February when I first split up with my ex and again at the start of May when I finally ended it again with her and I was pondering whether I had actually learnt anything by coming here and concluded I have indeed learnt heaps. Not just about how to deal with the break up but also how to improve my future relationships, so thanks everyone for that.

Things I have learnt, in no given order

It's ok to feel like shit, it's quite normal and most of us have felt that way ... but there is a limit !!!

It's ok to want to get back with your ex even though you know it's not good for you

Not actually getting back with an ex that isn't good for you is actually the way to go

TAKE BACK THE POWER !!!!!

Following your heart when it’s broken makes no sense at all but using your head when you heart is broken makes even less sense. Heal the heart and then use the head!!!

If the relationship wasn't that good then don't bother fighting for it

If the ex couldn't communicate when you were together don't expect them too when you have broken up and if you get back together don't expect them too then either.

People are not always compatible, no-one’s fault that is just the way it goes

Wishing for something you can't have and don't really want anyway is a waste of time

No contact is a great way to mess with your head and the quickest way to move on

People heal at different speeds and just because someone else took a week it's ok for you to take longer

Feeling sorry for yourself just prolongs the healing

Threatening to kill yourself over an ex is just wrong because no-one is worth that and I don't care how hot and fantastic they are, they are still not worth it.

Wakeup can be so farking annoying but their advice is normally 100% on the money, so thanks for your help wakeup.

The quickest way to moving on is to recognise your own strengths, what is good about you and acknowledging that just because your ex doesn't feel the love, that doesn't mean you are not a great person and that there is someone else out there will fall for you, love you, want to be with you and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.

An ex who doesn't initiate contact doesn't actually want you in their life and the fact that she replies when I do contact her just means she doesn't want me to go hook up with someone else so just lets me chase her even though she's clearly not that interested.. fark that took me a while to get my head around

I could go on and on with these cliches there are just so many things I have learnt but I guess the biggest one is you do eventually turn the corner, you do heal, the feeling of despair does go as do the sleepless nights, the not wanting to eat, the random bouts of crying and you do get to a better place .... IF .. you are prepared to go there and you are prepared to draw a line in the sand as say "no more" pick yourself up off the ground, realise that you are a good person and start walking forwards.

I came here 5 Months ago feeling very sorry for myself. I had broken up with the woman I loved and had no idea how I was ever going to be able to move on and move forward. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't think and just sat here for days and days reading the threads, talking to people and sucking up the advice. Some of it was pretty harsh actually some of it was very harsh but if you actually read what some of the regulars contribute it's really good advice.

Without listening and taking on board some of that advice I'd still be sitting here moaning about how crap my life is. and it's not. It's actually really good. Someone told me to start a hobby, focus on my job, get out and meet new people, excercise etc it's the best route to healing. And that's exactly what I did. I knuckled down at work and last month got a big promotion with an 18% pay increase ... YAY! I got back into my photography and entered some photos for a competition at work and cleaned up, won the best picture in the competition, the peoples choice award and the best picture in the weather category. Last week I enrolled with the Uni to complete my Masters degree and start on July 18th, even managed to get my work to pay for it and give me 8 hours a week study leave. Started riding my horse again which always makes me feel heaps better and to top it all off I've now met someone else and started dating again and she is really nice, a really lovely lady. Really early days but it's good to be spending time with someone that actually wants to spend time with me.

So for all those that have just started on this road to recovery, it will get better, you will get through this and you will get to a better place. It's hard and it hurts but you will finally get to a point where you wont feel like this. Take the advice!!!! There is a lot of experience on this site, some very smart people so use them. It might not be what you want to hear but before dismissing it at least think about it, try it, you never know you might actually move on a lot quicker if you do.

[DannyH]

"Wakeup can be so farking annoying" that made me spit my coffee the rest of the line holds true though

[DarkHelmet82]

well said.

[Wakeup]

*grinz* .. I may change my screen name to FarkingAnnoying. Thank you for the acknowledgement.

Good to hear such a positive Opening Post in the Broken Hearts sub forum, Horseyguy.

Cheers!

[tremolo]

Good for you, and thanks for sharing all these conclusions. I may print this out and read it the next time I get down about my ex.

[DarkHelmet82]

Horseguy is a ladies man apparently... you giving lessons dude?

[Horseyguy]

Horseguy is a ladies man apparently... you giving lessons dude?

haha I wish

[confused&single]

Nicely put and I'm so glad you're ready to move on! This forum has been a godsend to me as well. I'm so thankful for it. Good luck in the future!

[IncognitoSir]

Glad you learned something, I think most people who come here and pay attention to whats said can learn a lot, I know I did and still am! Don't leave though man, pay it forward, there's always some poor lost soul here in need of advice that one of us with experience can help with.

[Horseyguy]

Glad you learned something, I think most people who come here and pay attention to whats said can learn a lot, I know I did and still am! Don't leave though man, pay it forward, there's always some poor lost soul here in need of advice that one of us with experience can help with.

I'm not leaving the site completely, will still be around and can helpfully help others but I'm finished looking for support when it comes to my ex.

I've got to the point where I have worked through it all and have all the answers I need to help me to move on from that chapter.

[pisces25]

Naaaaw...that all brought a little tear to my eye. Group hug anyone???

[confusius]

I'm starting to get there. Good for you though.

[DarkHelmet82]

also once and ex always an ex...