Why are non-ghetto black men seen as very unattractive?

[Franklin]

I do understand why women are attracted to ghetto stereotypical black men. These men represent many of the core values of being an attractive man. There are seen as bad boys so that doesn’t need any explanation. They are seen as men who can protect themselves thus being able to protect others. Their culture is seen as hyper masculinity because they display a lot of masculinity beyond the normal amount of masculinity many cultures display.


In the black community it is not very acceptable for a black man to reject the stereotypical ghetto culture. They are seen as self-haters and sellouts. Black women who are ghetto and black women who are non-ghetto desire a ghetto black man. Dating a non-ghetto black is neither desired nor acceptable.


Things don’t get much better outside of the black community. There are three types of white women. There are ones who are not attracted to black men. The second type is looking for a ghetto black man. The third type is looking for a non-ghetto black man. Of the three the first and second types of white women are much more common than the third. So far I’ve only met 2 or 3 white women who are attracted to non-ghetto black men.


Non-ghetto black men are instantly labeled as being nerds and nice guys. They are seen as weak men. That is not always the case. I’ve seen black men who lived interesting non-ghetto lives are labeled as nerds and nice guys. There is plenty of ways acting like a man instead of a nice boy without being ghetto. If a white man acts a certain way that is considered a bad boy, and then a non-ghetto black man acts the same way, he is seen as a weak nice guy. I live in the south. There are some successful black country singers and women find them to be unattractive. Some ghetto blacks make comments that these black country singers don’t want to be black. NBA Hall of Famer Karl Malone is seen as an uncle tom by many blacks for not being ghetto on and off the court. I remember as a little kid watching the Jazz and the Bulls play in the Finals, almost every black person in the room watching the game called Karl Malone an uncle tom. The Uncle Tom comments briefly stopped when the played for the Lakers because he was playing with Kobe and Shaq.

I've also seen punk rock black men seen as unattractive as well and seen as nerds. While a white guy can live the punk rock lifestyle and will be seen as interesting.

It's like black men are almost forced to live a lifestyle in order to have a chance of being attractive.

Please don't mention Will Smith and Jamie Fox. They are celebrities thus they can break the norms because of their social status.

[tremolo]

I believe I fall into the third category you described. I don't have a fixation with black men - and in fact, I've never seriously dated one - but I do find certain black men to be extremely attractive. I don't like 'ghetto' men, as you described them, because I am very attracted to a man's mind, and I don't like criminals. That said, I have turned down a few 'non-ghetto' black men because I am generally attracted to alpha males, and they were very beta in a lot of ways.

This may not count in your mind, because this man is a celebrity - but perhaps it does count because I didn't quite know what a celebrity he was when I first saw him. There is a guy who works out at my gym, and when I first saw him, I knew he had to be a pro-athlete of some sort. But I'm not really into sports, so I didn't so much care and I didn't know who he was. I just found him outrageously attractive. That said, I had a lot of preconceived ideas about him. I assumed he probably wasn't all that bright, and that he was probably a massive player. Because of those things, I didn't really pay much attention to him and never tried to talk to him or meet him like a lot of other women did/do. Then I went into a wine bar in my neighborhood one night, and he was in there surrounded by a group of fans. I heard him talking to them, and not only was he really funny, he just seemed like the nicest, gentlest person. He humored them for a long time before he left, and, having caught his name, I went home and googled him and found all this information that made me realize he is a really standup, family guy, and a bit of a community hero. It was only then that I was disappointed to find out he was married - but believe me, if he wasn't, I'd be trying my damnedest to get to know him. And not because of his money or his celebrity status. He could have any job and an average salary, and I would still be totally and completely attracted to him because he is such a kind, driven, quality guy.

[tremolo]

I've also seen punk rock black men seen as unattractive as well and seen as nerds. While a white guy can live the punk rock lifestyle and will be seen as interesting.

I dated a black rock musician for awhile. He was heavily tattooed and very indie looking, so a bit of an anomaly I guess. I still think he's one of the most attractive guys I know.

[sadie_genie]

Black guys with muscles and a nice face are soo genuinely hot. But if they are ghetto, I am more scared than attracted.

[girl68]

I don't know where you're drawing these conclusions from but "ghetto" boys are for little girls trying to be bad ass. No "ghetto" man black, white, yellow, or green is gonna get a piece of my ass. Now a man with class black white yellow or green bring it on!

I have an insanely strong attraction to beautiful black men just about the only thing to turn me off is them being all "ghetto".

[tremolo]

Black guys with muscles and a nice face are soo genuinely hot.

Yesssssss.

[vashti]

Denzel Washington isn't ghetto, and I think he is generally considered extremely desirable.

[Layna]

I'm trying to think what my non-US view of all that is. I don't think over here there really is a 'ghetto-culture' among black men in the same way as there is in the US, I guess simply by way of there being way way WAY more whites and everything else. In fact the only black guys I know are stationed in the US army over here, and they're all very nice men that are neither nerdy nor ghetto. Would I date a black guy? Definitely. A ghetto guy of any colour? No... I think perhaps we see this whole thing a little differently in Europe.

[Incognito]

I actually think this is rather simple Franklin. The black community has created an aggressive image through various media outlets to raise the ones portraying that image above all others. If you're 'bad', that's one thing, but if you're 'badder' and will stomp, kill, and take the women of even the guys that are considered 'bad' then that's really saying something. In reality it isn't, but many (not just black people) have been duped into thinking that they should aspire to be ultra-hardcore in all respects, or that they should be with such a person (women).

The sad part is that the people (mainly music artists and sports players) who perpetuate this foolishness don't even live up to the image that they portray for the masses. They pretend to be hardcore criminals and then go home at the end of the day. So what you've got is an image that is shown to the public solely for the sake of making a dollar, and a public that is desperately trying to be that image because someone who is famous, and rich appears to be such. If rap artists and sports players wore business suits and had some class people would aspire to do the same and women would find [that] attractive. There was a time when decent men were more desirable (black, white, or otherwise), but the US culture changed.

[Cheriee]

I love non-ghetto black men, and most mature women do so.

[DannyH]

"In the black community it is not very acceptable for a black man to reject the stereotypical ghetto culture. They are seen as self-haters and sellouts." biggest bullshit line ever unless you replace ghetto with poor and drop the race card. It's like that for all races. If you raise yourself out of the scum the people that are still there get jealous because it's not them. Everybody knows them as "haters". Doesn't matter if your white black yellow brown neon green.
It's like you just did a mad lib and just filled in the spots with race instead of using words that cover everybody.

"In every community it is not very acceptable for a any man to reject the stereotypical culture. They are seen as self-haters and sellouts." well I'll be damned.... it works

oh and define ghetto. Do you mean like real ghetto like you go outside and see mr homeless squeege guy or a few crackheads and a hooker or two(the ones with no money). do you mean the bad boys who dress hip hop.( The guys with money).
I mean seriously. Women like guys with confidence and you know a way to support themselves looks good and what not. I have never once heard a women say omg look at the "ghetto" man taking the bus he is sooo sexy.
I'm actually from the ghetto actually 3 bridgeport, ct providence, ri and trenton nj and got out.

[crd08]

I am not attracted to ghetto men at all. Most of my friends would agree with me.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'm a nerdy black dude, and white girls are the easiest for me to knock down.

While not ghetto at all, I was an intermediate level drug trafficker at one point, but now I'm a computer programmer and I've found that white women are much more open and accepting of my past.

[telebananaphone]

I love black men.
Not for a relationship or anything.
Danger just turns me on.

[Mona_B]

I love black men.
Not for a relationship or anything.
Danger just turns me on.

Can it get more stupid?