Financial Situation

[hockeytown08]

When my boyfriend and I met a year ago, he had recently lost his job weeks before. A few weeks after we met, his really old car completely stopped working, and without a job he did not have money to get another car. I completely understand that it sucks to lose your job and that it has been hard for him. I was really supportive and paid for almost everything every time we went out (his drinks, tickets to events and movies, transportation etc.) This was really hard for me though because I was finishing my last year of college, so I did not have a ton of money to throw around. On top of this, since he did not have a car, I drove everywhere. This includes letting him drink and have a good time while I always had to stay sober on the weekends because I was driving. I had to go to his house most of the time to see him instead of him coming over to my house to see me (except for the few times when I picked him up, brought him to my house, and then brought him back home). And I completely understand that it sucks to not have a job and I know he was looking hard and got really frustrated because he couldn't find one.

Now, fast forward a year later. He did manage to find a good job about a month ago, and now I'm the one with no money. I graduated from college, but I still need to do a one-year unpaid internship(full-time) to become certified in my career. I even had to move back in with my parents after college so that I don't have to worry about paying rent over the next year while I'm not getting paid for working full time. I do have another small job on the side (about 6 hours per week) but I get paid very little for this, and I only get paid twice a year (November and March) so I'm not expecting any income for a while.

This is the problem: When my boyfriend did not have a job, I wanted to support him and help him out since I had a part-time job at the time. I paid for everything, even if it meant I had just enough left in my bank account to pay for rent. My account even went negative a couple times because of how much I was paying for things. But now that the tables have turned, and I'm the one with no income and he has a job now, I'm still paying for stuff. I still drive everywhere because he doesn't have a car. Sometimes I drive him to work which is a half hour away and back. Yet, I don't receive any money for gas. I pay for our drinks, movie tickets, everything.

I'm not trying to be spoiled. I'm just worried about my own finances and I don't see why he can't start paying for things or buying his own car now that he has a job. I've told him several times that I don't feel like I'm financially able to continue with our relationship this way and that I'm tired of driving him around and still paying for everything after a year, but then he just gets upset and feels like I'm attacking him. Am I being overly critical of him and expecting too much, or am I right to be concerned? How do I get my point across in a way that does not result in one of us getting upset or fighting?

[devonbrown]

You have a right to be concerned, especially since you have brought this up to him and he has dismissed it. It is good that he got a job and everything, but it sounds like he has gotten used to the situation the way it was. That needs to stop.

You need to learn something here. The word "NO." Let him know very simply that you can not drive him places because you can not afford to pay for the extra gas. Tell him things like that for a little while (it isn't a lie) and see how he responds. Be prepared for him to say that the relationship might not be working for him any more (depending how deep into sponging off you he has become). But you need to break this pattern of behavior or you will wind up resenting him and he will wind up using you over and over again.

Good luck.

[hello1]

This is your own fault. You gave too much and now he expect things to stay the same. He is loving it and why shouldn't he? you pay for everything, you drive him around so why would he want it to change now cause he got a job?

You need to start saying no and he will not like this as he is used to you paying for everything.

[Boisdevie]

Tell him you can't continue to do stuff because you don't have the money. But to be honest he should already understand your position and have already offered to pay more just as you paid more in the past. The fact that he has not done so suggests that he is a selfish bastard