The July NC Challenge

[Emmalina]

^ different things work for different people. It's not holding on to pain it's a way of measuring and understanding how we're feeling. Maybe it doesn't work for you but everyone is different and as I said, different things work for different people. It's certainly helped me, anyway.

[Wakeup]

Yea, a herion addict feels much better after a hit as well. it's not helping him end his addiction though.
If it was helping you, then you wouldn't keep posting here... You'd have no need to by now

*The object of NC is to help you heal and get over someone... to reach the stage of indifference to them. How can you forget someone if you keep posting that you've not contacted them, or you're not going to contact them, or they've just contacted you, that you wish they'd contact you that it's X numbers of days and you're not going to contact them ... and on and on keeping them in you head?

[Emmalina]

I don't think it's your place to say whether it's helping other people or not, everyone has their own opinion. I know that I am much, much better than I was and posting here when I feel a bit shit has been an important part of letting it out instead of bottling it up and suppressing it, some would argue that's much more unhealthy than posting in a forum designed for outlet and dealing with the rollercoaster of emotions following a break up. Expression of feelings is healthy, it's not comparable to a heroin addiction.

Edit - as you can see many people posting here, including myself, have started to forget or become uninterested in the number of actual days NC. It's showing the recovery process. The point is that indifference doesn't just happen overnight and in the meantime while you're in the horrible limbo phase it's helpful to have some kind of outlet where you can see that you aren't on your own.

[Wakeup]

Addiction is addiction.

I'll correct you on what you're not understanding about what I'm saying about this particular thread. There is nothing wrong with venting for awhile but, all this particular thread does is keep you focused on the very thing and person you should be trying to overcome, that being your pain and your ex. You might think it makes you feel better for a bit (just like a cigarette does someone who is trying to quit) but, as long as you keep smoking you'll never quit, you'll always want another drag.

What will y'all do when July is over... start a thread for August?

Carry on.. Just some food for thought.

[pisces25]

I think it is just supportive for people to know there are others trying to go NC too.

Day 16 for me...

[lahnnabell]

This thread exists to support those who need structure. I practice yoga much more often when I have a class to look forward to. In my apartment, my mat sits in the corner. It's not preventing them from moving on (because that takes a while), but it is laying the groundwork for them to eventually be able to venture out on their own when they're ready again.

I'd only compare dealing with a break up to heroine addiction if the person were locked in their room listening to emo music with the lights out, letting themselves stew in depression and sadness. That's no way to heal. Here they can find like-minded individuals who can empathize with their pain. Nothing wrong with that.

[Wakeup]

This thread exists to support those who need structure. I practice yoga much more often when I have a class to look forward to. In my apartment, my mat sits in the corner. It's not preventing them from moving on (because that takes a while), but it is laying the groundwork for them to eventually be able to venture out on their own when they're ready again.

I'd only compare dealing with a break up to heroine addiction if the person were locked in their room listening to emo music with the lights out, letting themselves stew in depression and sadness. That's no way to heal. Here they can find like-minded individuals who can empathize with their pain. Nothing wrong with that.

I don't agree.
I will concede that heroin addiction should be changed to read a hit of an addictive substance. Y'all seem to focus on that over the top analogy instead of the actual message.

Counting the days you haven't talked to your ex keeps them forefront in your thoughts.. The goal should be to get them out of your thoughts. Look how many have said "Day 'x' of no contact" only to post a day or two later to say "back to day 1 for me. lol"

Something to think about: Is it really helping you or is it a crutch? Do you immediately forget about your ex after you've posted in here or to you lament about them?

Day 16 for me...

Stop counting. It's a lifestyle now so there's no point. Tell yourself I've stopped contact. Period!

[IndiReloaded]

Its like an actual heroin shot vs. methadone. I think posting here is better than contacting one's ex.

Wakeup: its true, its not the same as getting off the needle cold, but not everyone has the strength for cold turkey. In fact, not sure if you are aware but there seems to be 3 types of personalities (at least in mice, LOL) regarding addiction: those who just don't get addicted, those who do but can stop, and those who have a very hard time stopping once addicted. The latter seem just to need to avoid the temptation in the first place.

I've always thought people weren't too different from mice.

[Wakeup]

So Indi, are you saying that all those that keep posting in here are the third type of mouse?

Its like an actual heroin shot vs. methadone. I think posting here is better than contacting one's ex.

me too but unfortunately there are too many caving to their drug of choice and having to start at day 1 again.

I think a new type of NC Anon. would do them better. Say one where they post what they did today to stay off the "sauce" and a step that helped them with their confidence and resolve, where they are'nt allowed to use the words "my ex." Seems a little more positive than this thread. Well, to me anyway.

*shrugs*

[IndiReloaded]

Not me. I'm def the first type: I left this place ages ago cold turkey and came back after a year or so b/c I was asked to. I could take/leave this place (sorry gang). The stress release when writing is good tho. The majority of my posts came when I was living in Oz on an extended holiday.

As for positive threads, I actually made one a while back. Something about 'post something interesting/fun'. It got waaaay fewer posts than the neg threads like Talk Shit. I think ppl like to vent about this stuff. I confess I haven't really been reading the posts in this thread with any consistency, only the ones that seem to generate some buzz.

[senokotmax]

Day Nine. Still counting, sorry.

[misombra]

So Indi, are you saying that all those that keep posting in here are the third type of mouse?

me too but unfortunately there are too many caving to their drug of choice and having to start at day 1 again.

I think a new type of NC Anon. would do them better. Say one where they post what they did today to stay off the "sauce" and a step that helped them with their confidence and resolve, where they are'nt allowed to use the words "my ex." Seems a little more positive than this thread. Well, to me anyway.

*shrugs*

people deal with things differently from the way you do. seems all your posts are coming down on people for trying to do the right thing. you sound like a friend of mine who is always trying to give me advice on how to deal with things, especially concerning my child. of which she has none ironically enough. her husband is always trying to get away from her because she's so controlling and always trying to give advice when people just want to vent frustration.

[Petit Papillon]

I've always thought people weren't too different from mice.

You spend too much time in the lab!!!! Go out woman!

[Wakeup]

Well, I'm nothing like your friend, misobra.
This has got nothing to do with "coming down on people" but everything to do with stategies to forget one's ex instead of keeping them forefront in one's mind. It's common sense to understand that if you keep talking about something, you'll never stop thinking about it (them).

You sound rather like a "yes" person that figures out what the person wants to hear and then you say it. I assume you're not like that in real life, but that's how you come off in here.

My friends often come to me for advice because they KNOW I will tell them the truth. When people are actually at a point where they want to heal,
then they want to be able to go to someone who won't surgar coat and enable them to stagnate in the status quo.

[misombra]

If this is what helps people get on with their lives then who are you to push your agenda on them? I guess its not that you are giving a different opinion but you are putting down the advice of others because you think yours is superior. You did it to me in another thread.

If I was a yes person and told people only what they want to hear I would be telling you how right you are right now.