one hell of an issue with this girl

[goshinki]

Okay would you classify this as a relationshp

seeing her everyday, even not on your own
calling eachother pet names
supporting eachother, financially and emotionally
no other guys hang out with her as much
takes me out all the time, inspite of the risks involved with losing her job
cooking eachother dinner
teasing, and love tapping eachother
introducuing me to your boss
telling me what to wear, and that you won't be around me

saying

i would be very happy if
i would really respect you if
my image of you has changed due to

getting into numerous fights
yet still there in the end despite

trusting eachtoerh with
email passwords
leaving alone in apartment
watching over things
her purse


leaving her laptop in my possession for long periods of time
and then joking about how i apparently looked at some photos

leaving photographs in my room
then saying that i don't need to be looking at other women
won't even let me give another girl a light
but she can talk to other guys infront of me

so, maybe she just makin gup these sexual encounters with other men
and is just trying to get me jealous?

but why

one minute she says no
the next yes

but i don't know what to do
because she says no

sometimes in the same day

sleeping over

she pulls me close
then pushes me away
then pulls me close
then pushes me away

when we are close
it's all bout us
then we get into a fight
and it's like that never happened

but we make up
next thing she is skiipping work
to watch firewords with m

i asked her to
and she said no
twice
then i was like
okay, i'll give you some time to think it over

5 minutes later she's like
i have the perfect spot
so she drive sme out of her way
ditches the car
and we watch them together

she skpped work to do this
and i just wanted to go down the road
she drove like freakin an hour out of the way
just to watch them with me

i paid half the way
then the rest was her for the trip


we hug eachother every day

she listens to everything i say and seems interested
she gets me to do her laundry for her


but
like i said

she claims we are not in a relationship

origionally she said
nothing would happen ever

lately she's stoped that

we were just friends
brother and sister

for awhile felt like she thoguht she was my mother

now
whenever i tell her i want more
she tells me
she will come to me
she's not ready yet

she wants me to work on these problems i have
that if i do not
i will not see her again


up down
up down
like a freakin bouncy castle

one minute she is not interested

the next minute she is saying and doin things to suggest otherwise

then we get real close

then we push eachother away
thn get really close

what does she want

cuz like i don't really know waht to do with this anymore

is she just a friend
was the other night a date

she never said anything about it

like comon

i felt it was a date
i know she probably knows i felt that

so isn't she going to say anything?
don't you usually say things like

"that wasn't a date"

arghh..

is she interested
is she just mental
or is she just playing some pointles sgame

i have treid to end this friendship wiht her numerious tiimes

and neither one of us seems to want to cave in the end

like just a week ago
we got into a huge fight

and then i wrote her this poiem
she said it was reall good she like it alot
now i see her everyday practically agiain

maybe she interested, but just don't know what to do?
maybe she is waiting for me to change
to grow up

there is an age difference
she once said that didn't matter to her

she got drunk one night, and said "maybe my feeling sfor you do matter"

so like..

is she secretly in love with me
and really confused

or is she just a minipulative, crazy girl?

:S :S :S :S

i really need advice here
i love this girl a lot
and i just wish i could at least know that she feels the same , even if she don't want to admit it
how do i find out
how can i trick her without her realizing it
into admitting what is really going on in her head

cuz i am fed up of waiting around for her

we became friends because i was told she liked me
then she found out how old i was
and then this all started
then her son moved into her place
blahblabh

moved iinto my place
it was hell
then he was gone
then some idiot i just beat up
was gossiping and shoving shit in her ears aout me
blah blah blah

fights
at least 4 of them in the last 6 months

and now
here we still are

wheres her osn
gone
wheres this other old fart
gone

okay
so here we are

i am the only one who sees her this much
i am the only one this close to her

i just want to know
without a doubt
even if she won't admit it yet
how she really feels :S

cuz i know how i feel

[MerryH]

That was...strange. Why did you type it like that? That made it really hard to follow.

she claims we are not in a relationship

Believe her.

[sadie_genie]

She just likes the attention and the company but she is holding out for someone better. But there is nothing wrong with just enjoying each other's company unless you can't handle it.

[goshinki]

so what your saying is girls hang out wht guys they don't like, acting like they do like them
spending money on thme
getting them rides everywhere
feeding them
sticking up for them
teasing them
letting them give them massages
sending them to do their laundry
sleeping with them (not sex)
flirting with them
loaning them money
giving them their email passwords
surprising them
spending all their time, solely focused on this one guy

until they neeed some space
and then if i dont' give her space
she stops hanging out wiht me fro 3 weeks
then we fight
tehn we make up
like a freakin couple

you're saying girls
introduce guys they are not in a relatiojnship with
to their boss
who then talks to them all the time

that they call guys they are not in a relationship wiht
hunnie
hun
"us"

that they say when drunk they have feelings for them
"maybe my feelings do matter"
that we are in a relationshp

and then
and only when
we start to fight
it's like none of that happened?

that they tell them what to wear
what to do
how to do it
where to do it
how fast to do it

that they point out all their flaws

that they basically try to transform this guy
who is not their boyfirend
and who they have no interest in other then friends
into the guy they want

cuz yes
that is what it feels like

that they skip work to go out with this guy that is just their friend
who only wanted to be driven to a close location to watch fireworks
an dinstead
she drives me to this special place she had been planning on going to all day long..
and ditches her cab their
and watches them with me

that she picked this place
which was very romantic..

you are syaing girls do this?

then she claims she did not say what she said
and had not planned on going
but i noticed she was wearing that outfit that she knows i like..


she said no 2x
then i was like "well the whole point was to go out with you to seem them"
and she said "let me think about it"

apparently thinking about it only required about 2 seconds
cuz 2 seconds later we were off

you are saying girls claim

"i can't say no to him"
" i like your hair that way"
"stop it that bothers me"
"you smoke to much"

my friend told me,

he said

"she lieks you, but she wishes you wuld

stop wetting the cigarettes
stop smuthering her
tone down the attitude in your voice
she gets you to dress the way she likes..what are you stupid of course she likes you..

she would deny talking to my friend bout this
then later admitted it..

so..
you are saying girls just do this..

?
:S

[goshinki]

aand she has a son, who is not really around and a troube maker
but still..why wouldn't he be her first suggestion to help her boss clean his place..why spend 8 hours with me..
he texted her too before we left that night..and during..
and she didn' even mention it..

j really have a hard time believe there is no tmore going on in her head..
maybe we are not dating..
bt maybe she wants to soon?

cuz,
this is all just on every confusing year long mess..
and it doesn't end
i ahve trid to end this friendship, cuz of the pain it was causing both of us..but she refuses..she comes back, and things get like super fast.. so this time, i think i'm just going to do what she says..to listen and give her some space..and i think that in a month, we will be a couple..een though she recferred to us as one

"ya my boss tells wild storeis to every couple he picks up"

okay..
implying : we are a couple..
cuz he picked us up..

a couple
not a c uple of what

specifically, a couple..

ya, i know, my weird way of tyipng. sorry.

[goshinki]

we basically had two romantic nights in a row
the on enight we were singing duets together ..it was great
rihanna and eminem

the next night..even though she never drives anyone around on a friday (it has caused many a fights.."dont' even ask for a ride on a friday..fro nothing" ) she said she had been thinking of going, was dressed in the outfit she knows i i damn well like, and took me way out of her way..making no money..ya paid ..but it ws basically a free ride back..

like..
i thnk those were dates..

she just has this habit of

saying no
then we i least expect it
she says yes..

and it's always a surpise..
so how am i supposed to beliee her when she says she has no feelings..if she is always surprising me, always hiding things, then striking so fast it knocks the frown of fmy face...???

:S

[lahnnabell]

If you have not had an exclusive talk about this (as in one of you has formally asked the other person for commitment or you have both agreed to be committed) then it is not a relationship. If you want it to be I suggest you ask her if she'd like to be your girlfriend. You're trying to weigh her actions and figure out if she's your girlfriend when you haven't even asked her. This means you have no spine and are afraid she'll say, "No". Grow some balls, dude.

[Inwantof]

This is a classic form of unhealthy co-dependence on both sides.... she is stringing you along dude, she isn't in a position for anything consistent or serious. She can't trust you whether she is trying to or not, so she sets up scenarios to test you, like leaving her computer with you and then questioning weather you were snooping or not.. I had the same kind of experience a decade back.

Step away dude, you will only get burned right now. This will go on as long as you tolerate it, confronting the behavior will not change her pattern of behavior. Step away and let her figure her trust issues you first (this may take years). There is only one thing that will happen to you, you're going to feel emotionally drained and she will ultimately end up blowing the whole thing up... it is ultimately a defense mechanism that she can only work thru... step away, far, far away. I am not judging her has a good or bad person, but my sense is that her life circumstances have her in a position that leaves her burning other people...

Tell her you don't like her inconsistencies and you are stepping out of the picture.. don't justify your reasons any further for she will only twist your words in an attempt to keep in control. in short, she is stringing you along... To step away may sound counter intuitive, but its the right thing to do... The woman that did this to me... I didn't hear from her for a few years, we have been in regular contact now again for a couple years and it has turned out to be one of my closest friendships.

Do yourself a favor and step away..

Peace.

[The Gent]

Bro, your posts are set out like song lyrics!
Anyways, as my fellow Elite Relationship Experts have stated....this girl sounds like trouble. It's all take, take, take on her part. Yet she doesn't wanna commit to you alone.
Kick her ass to the curb & buy a Labrador instead. At least then you'll know it'll always love you.

Probably.

[IncognitoSir]

She's an attention whore. She wants you to change to be with her. word of advice: If a woman tells you that you have to change something about yourself, get away from her......that's a huge red flag of controlling behavior. She's up and down because she doesn't know what she wants. She has commitment issues, sure you guys act and SEEM like a couple but she won't give the relationship it's proper label. Stop giving her all this attention, you're gonna be the one ending up hurt. From the sounds of it, I don't think you have any plans of letting up though do you? I hope you can find the courage to leave her alone, it's always going to be take take take with her. Don't be a sucker.

[goshinki]

o my goodness. .. that is just so...

unclarifying...

it is not take take tatke

she has spent , and lost over 1000 on free cab fare for me
she buys me stuff
i buy her stuff
she cooks me meals..

sure she wants my attention
but not in an evil, heartles smanipulative way

so here's what i'm going to do, to accept

You girls
are from venus
us men are from mars

and there is just no possible way of understanding you at all..

i give up..

i am just going to enjoy this platonic relationship and see where it goes..
hopefully it will go in the direction i want
if not
then i will just shrug my shoulders and enjoy what i got, tell one day, some scientist figures out how us guys can once and for all understand women

cuz just face it
i have been given 4 different explanations as to wat is going on, each one different
and each time i add new facts
giving me a new explanation based off those facts

so
before my head starts to hurt..
i'm gong to bed, and also putting this matter to rest


i ma happy
i hang out wiht this girl i'm in love with everyday
so maybe it is me who is the attention seeker
mayb it is me and mys tupid anxiety, and controlling anger issues
that are causing things to not work out between us

so maybe i need to change
not because she is telling me to
but becuase

she is telling me to change

because i have to

i am a pretty messed up character
full of anger
anxiety and depression

so maybe, just maybe she is right
and i am wrong
and maybe she just dont' want to be in a relationship with an anxious control freak, who is prone to fits of anger

maybe i make her feel controlled

maybe that is a fact
because she told me that it was..

no maybe there

so maybe i'm at fault
and she is just as confused as i am?


anyways..
if ya'll want to keep topic alive be my guest

but my opinion is that

that there is no way at all of undestanding what is going on here
except to let it figure itself out


"time tells all, so listen close; because it only says it once"
ME

[goshinki]

and yes, i actually do have these issues
and for once in my life, someone actually cares enough to point them out
to try and get me to change

and if that maeks her a manipulative conning b**ch then fine

cuz at least i will be a better man afterwards

for once in my life, a girl cares enough
someone cares enough
to help me to change

that is the one thing i know for sure

[ctr916]

I only tend to believe girls when they say they aren't ready and will come to you when they are. Why not try to enjoy the good part while it lasts; maybe you can figure out a way to reduce the bad part by modifying your expectations.

[goshinki]

but my expectations are caused by her refusal to act like we are just frioends, and inability to not flirt and make me expect more

[iamminzy]

dude I cannot keep up with you... can you please talk in complete sentence? Just get to the point, but you keep going on and on because you're not talking in complete sentence... the reason why you're getting 4 different explanations is because you need to keep this short and simple. If you want to give us details then write in a way for all of us to understand not short n choppy without an ending... please...

But from what I read, you need to stop giving her attention. She is playing mind games with you and you're playing the game with her. She leads you on one day, and then acts if nothing has ever happen the very next day. I think it's because she gotten you're attention, and now she doesn't need your attention. Then when she wants you again, she comes back to you. She act like a cat... you give he good she comes back home and is all over you and then leaves and goes off on her own... seriously if she truly likes you, she won't do this to you and hurt your feelings... you're probably letting her do this to you, n so she continues to behave this way