Trying to go though this whole break up thing yet again. Making sure I want to go back for the right reasons. I mean it everything that happens does add up and makes sense now. The last two months we were together everything turned to crap.
Her best friend had a break up. She started dating her guy about the same time my ex and I started dating. Go out double dates I thought he was a prick yada yada. Once they broke up double dates turned in to girl's night. Which really didn't bother me all that much because people need their friends. It happened during the worst possible season for it to happen since winter for her and her family because of all the tragic stuff. Her family is really big on remembering the dead. They celebrate her dead's mom birthday then another family member dies this year around. So she gets depressed this year more so since well there was another one. So she is bascially hanging out with her girl friiends who pretty much see all guys as douchebags plus all this fun death stuff. She gets the idea that our relationship isn't gonna go to the next level ala marrage so she breaks it off(I thought honestly was that she found somebody else and sure as hell would of made things easier for me now). I leave the next 4 months are pretty much hell. Now she is cleaning out my stuff from the basement and finds the ring that I was going to propose to her in the spring. Which pretty much destroys her reaason for breaking up in the first place. So a couple of days ago she writes and does the whole I screwed up speech and I give her the you know what I need some time line which she says she completely understands. That is the situation so far.

My thing is can outside stress effect people like how she says it effected her? She told me that her friends were pointing out "signs" that gave the idea I was going to do what the prick did and leave. Then with the deaths and her going out drinking for girls night that it just finally made sense. Sorta sounds like brain washing if you ask me.

Now since we been split up with both been dating and all that good stuff hanging out doing our thing now that she found the ring and we talked she isn't partying all batshit crazy anymore, I'm trying to figure out if its worth it to go back. Honestly it just seems like everything just hit hurt hard at the wrong time which I see as understandable. I'm not lonely, got my friends, got dates, and stuff I like to do. Not really sad or pissed anymore just a little confused at this whole thing. I am making sure I take my time on this because hell its a big decision. I mean I would have to jump state again. Finding another job and a place of my own because I'm not gonna hop back in to where we living before. Not because living together sucks we were moved from our place to her grandparent's place to help them out since they didn't want to go to nursing home and now her grandfather died they are gonna sell the house and her grandmother is moving to another family members house. Will miss her cooking since if I do go back cause I'll be getting less often. I'd rather not have to change states then move twice well cause moving really does suck. The whole breaking up bit takes a few notches off the trust scale too so I would want to take a bit to get most of it back.

I won't tell her to wait for me because well that just isn't fair at all. Why should I put her life on hold while I try to figure this stuff out? I would be bummed out for a bit if she got something serious but I'd get over it. I love her alot but I won't hold her back from being happy if I don't make it back in time. It's weird. I'll be happy with or without her but I'd rather have her in my life then not. There is no way in hell I could be just friends with her though. Ever. Some women I'll always be attracted to and she is one of them. If we aren't together well we may talk on the phone or email once in awhile but that's really I could do.

The relationship itself before it hit the fan was amazing. Disagreements did happen but they never got to out of hand. We had our time apart, our time together, the only time it really wasn't all that great is when I lost my job for a bs reason and money was tight. Which really is the reason why I am putting so much thought in to this. Every other relationship I had or seen had a crap ton of issues. If I broke in to a few of my friend's relationships or her friends man they would make some of these topics on these forums seem silly.

So does her reasoning make sense? Really any insight would be very helpful.