What is going on in his head!?!?

[ctr916]

Just say "We can never be anything more than friends." That's like a knife in the heart for all guys. If he doesn't get the picture then you know he is mentally ill and may be dangerous.

Wow, what an ego.

I am not sure why you would believe that. In my opinion, a guy can never have too many (girl) friends.

[Wakeup]

Wow, what an ego.

I don't think ego has anything to do with it. In this day and age of HIV, Aids, STD like herpes one has to be a descerning. Further: Men still have a very blatant double standard no matter how bloody free they think they may be and how open and accepting of women "being themselves" there will always be the actual good catch that won't want a woman for a realationship who has been free with her sexuality as he as been ... he will take her to bed though.

[JennaBella]

This thread has gone off at a tangent!! It was never about having sex with my ex. It was about what the hell was going on in my bizarre ex's mind but hey argue away about ethics if you wish!

[JennaBella]

OMG got to day 8 of NC, feeling a lot better about things and proud of myself for being strong! Then I logged onto my works emails this morning and the ex has emailed me!!!! I made it clear that I didn't want any form of contact with him, work related or otherwise when I texted him last week. Thought he was respecting my wishes, told me he would. I ignored it. Then he emailed me again a couple of hours later, also ignored it. It was work related but couldve directed to one of my colleagues who have access to exactly the same info as I do..... Just an attempt to break the silence in my opinion. I think he misses me!! Am I deluding myself?????? WTF is going on on his head!?

[Wakeup]

I think he misses me!! Am I deluding myself?????? WTF is going on on his head!?

No, YOU ARE deluding YOURSELF. It was a work related question. Answer the effing question and don't say anything other than what is related to said question. He has a new girlfriend, remember?

What do you want here? Why do you keep posting like you're strong and over him when this post totally contradicts everything your false bravado has implied.

[JennaBella]

Because I want to be strong and have been doing great, feeling great (not false). The work related thing is a cover, the question he asked me he knew had nothing to do with me and that I couldn't answer it (this I know for a fact). He worked on my team for nearly 2 years and knows all the other team members, has even gone out drinking with the other men, so should have asked one if them instead. Last week I told him I wanted no more contact in any form, work related or otherwise. I pulled him up for sending me messages covered in kisses and terms of endearment (I had words with him in May about the same issue and he promised not to do that again therefore was totally aware of what he was doing this time). He replied to me that I had made my point and world respect my wishes. Until yesterday I was actually starting to feel at ease again, I have spent the last 3.5 months in a situation of waiting for him to contact me. I know that is really pathetic and I'm not proud of it but it's what was going on. When I saw he'd emailed today my heart just dropped, I had been commending myself on the way into work that 8 days of nc was good going and although a big part of me wanted to believe that not being in contact with me world bother him, I told myself he has a new girlfriend now, being in contact with eachother is pointless. If my posts piss u off in some way WakeUp then just ignore them. You can be quite insensitive at times. I've seen you give some good advice too, but maybe just be mindful that there are people like me who are in a low place and are trying to be strong and move on but are sometimes set back by events outwith our control. I genuinely believe my ex was testing the waters with me today and used his normal M.O. of initiating conversations about something to do with work. My friend who knows him well said I am definitely not deluding myself.

[Wakeup]

So what if he contacted you with some hidden motives? He. Has. A. Girlfriend. That in itself should should make it so that last thing you would think is:

I think he misses me!! Am I deluding myself?????? WTF is going on on his head!?

Simply ignore him and he will eventually go away. If you want to reply tell him unless his next email says "I have broken up with the other girl and would like to have you back" then ignore everything else he does.

I'm not insensitive. I just tell the truth without fanfare and filler is all. If we were sitting across from each other sharing a bottle of red, you'd be be upset that I'd pointed out the truth to you but you wouldn't think me insensitive. People who make the actual issue secondary to their poo pooing don't help you to see.

[JennaBella]

Fair comment and trust me I am painfully aware that he has a new girlfriend. I am only on this forum because I am making an effort not to burden my friends with how I'm feeling. I'm just sounding off here so if you read any of my comments and think I'm full of bravado or BS then just ignore me. I'm doing my best to sort out my life, this break up really knocked me for six and it's taken me longer than it should have to get over it. I was (am still ) in love with this guy and I am not the type who loves easily. Unfortunately it turns out he is!!

[Wakeup]

Talk to your friends. They can give you a real hug and actually share that bottle of red with you. No one said it would be easy but in order for you to get to the stage where you don't care that he has a girlfriend and you don't care what he's even doing in his life you have to stop hoping.

Acceptance to the fact that this particular relationship is over is the first step in your journey (and the process) of getting over someone. Stop any expectations and accept so that you can eventually meet someone once you've healed, who wants you full time and not just to massage his ego every once and a while.

sending you an e-hug.

[help_me]

well if u dnt care then just ignore... unless the guy is a psycho he will get the message clear and give up after sometime

[JennaBella]

Thanks WakeUp
I have some wonderful friends, a couple of whom are actually going through relationship issues of their own and we do confide in eachother. I just don't like to make it that our problems are all we talk about! If my ex was just some guy who I'd split up with and wouldn't see again then that'd be much easier. It's the fact that our jobs, though now in different locations, have created opportunities for him to keep in contact with me. The weird thing is, no one else in his new office communicates with anyone in mine..... There isn't actually any need for it at all as we have different roles and responsibilities. He actually engineers cross overs and excuses to call by the office (he works 5 miles away) or phone my work extention (there are 4 ext's in the room). Then there are the emails, which are usually "Hey you, you well? What's doing?"; " Hey missy, good weekend?"; "Hows the gym going, don't be getting too skinny now x."; "I like your hair blondie " etc etc
I am not stupid and I know that he's been doing this to keep me sweet and let me know that he's thinking of me but ultimately he is not available to me which is why I asked him to stop contacting me at all. So although we split 3.5 months ago, it's only been 9 days since I've been out of communication with him. It feels like a fresh split only not as hard and painful. Much calmer and starting to see that it's really over now. I've been hanging on too long to the hope of getting him back!

[Wakeup]

You're on your way to getting over him... it's really only been 9 days that you've attempted to accept and move on so you're doing fine and being strong. Just keep deleteing and ignoring. I don't even know you and I know you can do better than him and his crumbs.

[nails&bails]

ok he might be caught in two thoughts lover and friend he might wants you as friend or something sure to lean on

[JennaBella]

The only thing I know with certainty is that he is scared of losing me as a his friend though in truth he lost me a long time ago. He has been used to me being his confidante and his fixer. Kind of his security blanket I guess! Part of me wishes I could just get over the romantic feelings for him then we could be platonic friends again as we were before. But then I see him and my heart just skips a beat and I know I'm not ready for that yet or maybe ever! We tried to be friends when we first split up and ended up getting really frustrated and ripping eachothers clothes off!! When it ended there were still strong feelings on both sides and I think it's clear we both still harbour feelings for eachother but now it's just not meant to be anymore. Oh well, maybe one day once both our kids are older and we have less pressures it can happen..... But i am not living my life waiting for that to happen. What will be will be!

[redmagnum]

To the OP - I'll tell ya the truth.......most if not all men have a need to have their ego stroked. Some men are just more mature about it than others.....

This guy wants to be with his girlfreind and get all the "benefits" from that, but also wants the lift to his ego that he's enough of a stud to keep you on the hook, too. The more you respond to him, tell him you miss him, tell him he's hot, etc. the better he feels about himself.

When I was younger and more immature, I needed my ego stroked constantly. I would constantly talk to and text different girls, I would love it when they would tell me I was (funny, hot, they miss my beautiful body, etc.) Even if I was starting to see a girl regularly, I still wanted the "stroke" of other girls telling me I was hot and flirting with me.

Now, I care a lot less about this crap and I actually care about women's feelings.......I am single now, but I do not need constant attention from women to feel good about myself.