What is going on in his head!?!?

[JennaBella]

My exboyfriend contacts me almost every day by email or text, recently including several xxxx's and calling me honey. I have pulled him up about that before so he knows I would notice it. We split 3 months ago, he has since met a new girlfriend. He doesn't seem to be able to go for long without reminding me he exists, like I'd forget!! We were great together, chemistry like I've never known existed before! He also phones and calls into my workplace unexpectedly. But yet he is with her and not me and I just don't understand!

Guys - why do men send such mixed signals!?!?

[Poodle3]

It doesn't sound mixed to me, just seems that he either wants to sleep with you now, when he has another woman, or at some point in the future, when he might not. Men are usually simpler than women, don't look too deeply into it.

Perhaps he doesn't like the idea of you getting another bloke.

[JennaBella]

I'd like to think he's not that shallow! But maybe he is..... So with guys it's all about sex? Nothing else, not sex and love?? I despair!

[Wakeup]

Why do you allow him to confuse you?

Why don't you just tell him to leave you the **** alone?

Do you like the drama and so you let him keep himself forefront in your mind like he's been doing?

Get some female ballzzzz and tell him to stay away from you. He has a new girlfriend and the last thing you want to be is demoted to platonic friend or friend with benefits. Get the self-respect to do that and you'll feel the satifaction of your own personal empowerment.

[Yarbles]

This guy sounds like a pathetic clinger or a borderline stalker. If he really has already moved on (and I don't think he has), then he would exhibit different behaviour. Just tell him to stop texting you all the time.

[JennaBella]

Thanks, I'll get some girl "ballz" and tell him to back off. He is playing me, I am sure of it! And if he's not... Well that's the best way to find out! Someone said to me that you don't miss the water till the well runs dry!

[JennaBella]

So what would be the best way to tell him I want no contact without being agressive and saying f$#k off? I want him to know I still care but can't be bothered with his mind games anymore. Really tired of the drama and want it all to end. I'm an all or nothing kinda chick and this crap situation falls below my expectations on how I want to be treated by him. Advice??

[Wakeup]

Surely you know how to have a frank face to face conversation with someone that you've been physically intimate with?

Tell him to please give you the space you need to recover from the breakup, to respect his new girlfriend by leaving you alone and putting his attentions on her. That you're an "all or nothing girl" and don't want to be the demoted one who went from lover/girlfriend to just friends/past lover. Ciao... have a good life.

Something like that should do.

[JennaBella]

Yes obviously, but what we females think is the right way to say stuff isn't always received the way it's intended! I was meaning more along the lines of what kind of things can I say that will make him see that I care but am not his fall back girl. I guess I just know that by telling him I want no contact I am risking that being "it" for him and I in all ways forever. Big decision to make but I know the right one. This drip feed way he is treating me sucks! If I can't have more I'd rather have nothing at all! The current situation brings me no happiness.
JB

[Wakeup]

Oh.. you're saying you want him back (even though he left you for another) ugh. However your choice not mine. Tell him straight up. Please, leave me alone. You know where to find me if you ever break up with her and i'm still single then give me a shout. Until then, I'll say goodbye and please respect my wishes. You want to be "polite" cause you're hoping your strategy will somehow win him back.

No contact is for getting over the habit of being with someone. It's not a strategy to win someone back so when you ask him to make a decision of you or her (cause that's basically what you're doing) then don't lay there stagnating in your own dating life waiting for your "strategy" to work. It will only work if he actually loves and misses you (or thinks he can work you as booty so make sure you know his true intentions before should you have the opportunity to go to bed with him again.)

I was meaning more along the lines of what kind of things can I say that will make him see that I care but am not his fall back girl.

Nothing but the truth will do. So: "I care about you but I'm not willing to be anyone's fall back girl." Should do very nicely after the "all or nothing" speech outlined above. He will respect your confidence and obvious show of self-worth.

Good luck.

[ctr916]

In my opinion, this guy already knows a guy can never have too many girl friends. Are you willing to be friends with benefits with him? You could be just friends and try the platonic thing to get a different perspective from your previous relationship with him.

[JennaBella]

I'm not friends with benefits at all, we continued to see eachother for 6 weeks after we split up but I hadn't realised that he was on the look out for someone new and stupidly slept with him a few times. I naively thought that it would keep him with me and stop him wanting to look elsewhere but turns out I was deluding myself. He wasn't just after sex, he wanted the full package and at that particular time it wasn't that easy for me to commit to him on the level he wanted. I can't be friends with him because I am in love with him. I have now asked him to leave me alone for good to which he has agreed but time will tell if he will truly respect my wishes. I hope he does! Onwards and upwards!

[ctr916]

I don't think you were stupid for engaging in sexuality with a fellow human being and former boyfriend.

Why do some women claim they can't love their friends and expect to be taken seriously about a potential, long term, legally binding social contract that usually involves a lot of (quality) time being spent together; in my opinion and in modern times, I think women should seriously reconsider that form of obsolete propaganda, rhetoric, and form of "cultural" education. You may have noticed that the term girlfriend includes the term friend.

If you really just need him to leave you alone, you should invite some of your girl friends who may have a higher sex drive and may feel they aren't meeting their quota to simply use him for sex until he clamors for a relationship with someone else.

[Wakeup]

>>> wtf? >>>>

Why do some women claim they can't love their friends and expect to be taken seriously about a potential, long term, legally binding social contract that usually involves a lot of (quality) time being spent together; in my opinion and in modern times, I think women should seriously reconsider that form of obsolete propaganda, rhetoric, and form of "cultural" education. You may have noticed that the term girlfriend includes the term friend.

You mistook the opening post for some agenda of your own I fear.

I'm not friends with benefits at all, we continued to see eachother for 6 weeks after we split up but I hadn't realised that he was on the look out for someone new and stupidly slept with him a few times. I naively thought that it would keep him with me and stop him wanting to look elsewhere but turns out I was deluding myself. He wasn't just after sex, he wanted the full package and at that particular time it wasn't that easy for me to commit to him on the level he wanted. I can't be friends with him because I am in love with him. I have now asked him to leave me alone for good to which he has agreed but time will tell if he will truly respect my wishes. I hope he does! Onwards and upwards!

Good Job, Jenna.

[ctr916]

>>> wtf? >>>>

You mistook the opening post for some agenda of your own I fear.

Here is the part I was responding to:

I can't be friends with him because I am in love with him.

Why do some women claim they can't love their friends and expect to be taken seriously about a potential, long term, legally binding social contract that usually involves a lot of (quality) time being spent together; in my opinion and in modern times, I think women should seriously reconsider that form of obsolete propaganda, rhetoric, and form of "cultural" education. You may have noticed that the term girlfriend includes the term friend.

You are welcome to provide your own point of view for clarification.