I may lose my husband because of me , what should I do

[jane90]

hi everybody

i have four children and married since 15 yrs.....since last 3 yrs i do not like my husband the way I liked him. We have had a lot of verbal fighting since then...but in the end i realized it was my fault.
I do not like his talking, his advices, his coming to me for sex and u name it . There are many times when he really realized and I am being afraid that he would leave me i pretend to be nice to him and then for a while everything is ok. To pretend that I still like him , I went to that extent that now i have 8 months baby boy. But this is not post delivery depression. It is as I said long time before pregnancy. Believe me he is a good guy and take care of me and my children. I do not like most of him but I do not want to lose him. I love him too much and i feel panic when I think he would leave me. I do not know what it is. Love or selfishness but i want to change for him. To be same good as early years and start to like his things as I did in early years.
Please if somebody can help. Give me anything....any comments ....tell me I am mad or crazy..may be it will help me and I change myself before it is too late. i am desperate.

[Yarbles]

Hi Jane,

Things don't always go as planned. I know. Something similar happened in my marriage.
I get the feeling that you're no longer attracted to him. You love him, but deep down inside you resent him because he's not as exciting as when the two of you were in the midst of your honeymoon period. Am I right?

Guess what? This is pretty normal. A lot of couples have this problem. You're not crazy, although you may think you are because your emotions (resentment, tolerance) don't jive with how you think you are supposed to feel about your husband.

What can you do about it? There are a few options, but my advice is to SPEND LESS TIME TOGETHER. It may sound counter-intuitive, but if you are apart for more hours of the day, or if you can manage some sort of short trial separation, or if one of you can be away for the weekends, it likely will help regain whatever attraction has been lost.

One other thing--and this may get me flamed, but so be it--have you considered the possibility of an open marriage? I'm not saying it would necessarily solve your problems, but I know several couples with open relationships, some of whom have been together more than 10 years, and they are the happiest I have ever met. Anyway, please think very carefully and at times like these, don't act or speak based on your emotions. Good luck.

[jane90]

Thank you for reply. Yes u r right , whenever we have a break because of his job trips ....I feel good and till few days after he comes back. But how long it will go , I do not know.

[ctr916]

hi everybody

i have four children and married since 15 yrs.....since last 3 yrs i do not like my husband the way I liked him. We have had a lot of verbal fighting since then...but in the end i realized it was my fault.
I do not like his talking, his advices, his coming to me for sex and u name it . There are many times when he really realized and I am being afraid that he would leave me i pretend to be nice to him and then for a while everything is ok. To pretend that I still like him , I went to that extent that now i have 8 months baby boy. But this is not post delivery depression. It is as I said long time before pregnancy. Believe me he is a good guy and take care of me and my children. I do not like most of him but I do not want to lose him. I love him too much and i feel panic when I think he would leave me. I do not know what it is. Love or selfishness but i want to change for him. To be same good as early years and start to like his things as I did in early years.
Please if somebody can help. Give me anything....any comments ....tell me I am mad or crazy..may be it will help me and I change myself before it is too late. i am desperate.

You may want to consider being "someone else" until you become the person you would like to be for your husband.