My Husband Won't Initiate Sex or Talk About It

[landslide]

We've been together for three years, and have been married for less than a year. When we started dating he initiated hand holding, kissing, petting, and eventually sex. I did ask to take the relationship slow and did tell him to back off a couple of times during the "build up" phase. During this time I initiated as well, just not as often. When we did consummate the relationship he stopped initiating everything. Everything. No hand holding, no kissing (other than to kiss me goodbye in the morning, or when he gets home), no touching, no snuggling, nothing.

It was kind of all of a sudden, too. I noticed that I was doing all of work... Literally. I was even always on top.

I've tried to talk to him and he doesn't say anything. I feel so unwanted. I feel he married me just to have the title of being married. Like that justifies him as an adult.

We've not even had sex since we've ben married. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do.

[Boisdevie]

1. Talk to him.
If it doesnt work you have option 2.
2. Leave him .

[brittanywaters1]

maybe you should adress how you feel, or it could be that he has no intrest in you or does not find you attractive anymore, maybe spice up things a lil more?

[UnknownXV]

Well, level with yourself here. Are you happy? If sex is important to you, than it's an issue. I think girls should initiate it too, but if it's always you doing it that's not very fair. Sometimes, men AND women tend to let themselves go when they get married. Like they won and now retire or something, in their minds. It's silly.

All you can do is talk to him, but do so in a gentle way; try your best not to get upset or raise your voice, just talk. See what he has to say. Maybe something is bothering him or stressing him out?

[landslide]

After rereading my initial question, I realise it's much more complicated than just "no sex". I have tried to talk to him. I have brought it up gently, I have emailed him, I have prodded, I have cried, I have yelled, I have cussed. I really do get absolutely nothing in return. This is three years, I'm at my wit's end.

He refuses to get physically or emotionally involved with me, but he is constantly online with people. It's not that he just doesn't talk or do anything... He just doesn't do anything in real life.

I appreciate all of your responses! I wish this were as simple as him being comfortable and lazy.

[landslide]

1. Talk to him.
If it doesnt work you have option 2.
2. Leave him .

Thank you for taking the time to read my question, but I'm not willing to give up on my marriage just yet. I have talked to him. I have talked to him in mary different kinds of ways. I'm looking for advise on how else I may be able to get through to him.

[Wakeup]

Ask him to open up your marriage so that you both can have your cake and eat it too. He can have his "marital" status and you can stay within your codependent existance with him and get your sex on outside of the marriage. What? No?

Well if the answer to that is no then nothing short of marital councelling with a psychologist or a minister if you belong to some organized religious cult *coughs* organization will help the two of you. " I really do get absolutely nothing in return. This is three years, I'm at my wit's end" is enough motivation to do either of the two options above.

BTW: If you've not had sex since you've been married I do believe you can get the farce of a marriage you're in annulled.

[Henry123]

Its quite possible he has medical issue (impotence for example. Alot of guys dont like to talk about it or are too embarass about it).
I heard of some guys getting totally turn off from their spouse after the woman gave birth??
It could be some psychological ssue he is having. Maybe both of you can seek a marital counselor or sex therapist.
Depression can also cause one to lose interest. It could be a number of reasons. Best to seek professional help if you still cant through to him.