Why do girls with boyfriends flirt?

[The Gent]

Who am I to judge you? All I can say is "You are what you eat."

Man, so I'm a big bag of Malteasers!

[Mark1]

Who am I to judge you? All I can say is "You are what you eat."

So, I'm a pussy?

Sorry, don't get it.

[Wakeup]

Have you never heard of the saying "You are what you eat?" It means you are the author of your own circumstances and you get to reap the consequences of your actions and choices. What you do (eat) is what makes you the person you become. So: Choose wisely and be careful what you wish for.

[Layna]

Women who invite stranger men out to coffee and disrespect their primary partner and the relationship make lousy long term partners. I'm quite surprised that you don't see asking other men to coffee or dinner or out for a drink as a cross of a primary relationship boundary.

When you are in a relationship you have to give up the cake when you're eating it. You can't have it both ways. Having longterm plantonic male friends is one thing. Making new one's and going out one-on-one without ones primary partner is quite another. . . whether you think it's "innocent" or not. Fk. no wonder relationships don't last much past the two year mark these daze.

OP... Dude. Surely you are a confident and worthy male who is capable of pulling women who are free to be pulled ???

Asking strange men out for coffee - well, I think it depends very much on the situation. It might well just be a way to make a new friend... if you meet someone and want to be friends with them, you have to initiate activities together. So asking someone to go somewhere together isn't crossing boundaries per se.

I should add that me personally I wouldn't like it. My ex used to do this sort of thing, go out with other girls for coffee. It WAS strictly platonic, but no, I didn't like that. But that doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. As I said, to him it was fine, to me it was not that nice. All I tried to say was that perhaps the OP's 'friend' is someone who doesn't have a problem with platonic coffees with strange men.

That said, I reread the thread and am changing my mind a little, but just wanted to reply to your post.

[Mark1]

How are you changing your mind?

I texted her yesterday to see if we were still on for Tues and didn't get a reply. I'll text her on Tues, but if no reply then, I'll drop it.

[Wakeup]

Asking strange men out for coffee - well, I think it depends very much on the situation. It might well just be a way to make a new friend... if you meet someone and want to be friends with them, you have to initiate activities together. So asking someone to go somewhere together isn't crossing boundaries per se.

Thats your opinion and you're welcome to it . Personally, if my SO felt the need to make NEW friends of the opposite sex then i would consider him crossing a very fundimental relationship boundary, particularilly if he didn't include me in and introduce me to her.

Old friends for years is one thing. Making new ones while in a relationship is just attention seeking and it's something that he would have every right to do however he wouldn't have the right to do it and keep me as his partner. It's that simple. We both agree to that principle and it's served us both quite well for over three decades.

I should add that me personally I wouldn't like it. My ex used to do this sort of thing, go out with other girls for coffee. It WAS strictly platonic, but no, I didn't like that. But that doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. As I said, to him it was fine, to me it was not that nice. All I tried to say was that perhaps the OP's 'friend' is someone who doesn't have a problem with platonic coffees with strange men.

I don't think anyone likes their SO going out with strange men, particularily for dinner which is more intimate than coffee. Seems most these days want to do it they just don't want their SO doing it. All this just causes trouble and no matter how much you trust your SO we all are only human and opposite sex bonding often occurs when you are doing relationship bonding activities with them. Just because we are in a relationship doesn't mean we stop finding others attractive so, Why put yourself in temptations way?

That said, I reread the thread and am changing my mind a little, but just wanted to reply to your post.

So: What is your actual stance. Since you didn't like your SO doing it I assume that you don't think Op should entertain this little attention seeker???

I texted her yesterday to see if we were still on for Tues and didn't get a reply. I'll text her on Tues, but if no reply then, I'll drop it.

Why would you call her again? Balls is in her court, you've already called her. You're looking desperate if you call again... which you are if you pursue someone who isn't available as far as I'm concerned. (not that you care what I think, of course )

[Layna]

So: What is your actual stance. Since you didn't like your SO doing it I assume that you don't think Op should entertain this little attention seeker???

No, I don't think he should entertain her. Not necessarily that much because of HER behaviour - like I said, some people do these things just as friends. I could of course be completely wrong and she might just really have the hots for him, but the big thing to me here is that he clearly has no 'friendly' intentions towards her.

[jjpm]

Probably because they just like to feel validated and be reminded that they're still found attractive and to confirm"they've still got it". As long as they don't cross the line with excessive or physical flirting, it's only human to want to be affirmed as desirable by the opposite sex.

[robertdawson]

The only thing you can ethically do is tell her to lose the boyfriend before you get involved. However, she sounds like she would make a shitty girlfriend (i.e. probably do the same to you eventually). Do you really want to help someone cheat? Plus, how do you know her boyfriend isn't crazy and won't beat your ass (or worse)? Have some common sense man.

[Mark1]

She texted me that her life has been really crazy, and she wants to know what Im doing Tues during the day.

[Wakeup]

Dinner is to be shared with the one she loves.

[Mark1]

Dinner is to be shared with the one she loves.

So I was right - she just wants to be friends.

[doppelgaenger]

Because they are fools.

[Mark1]

Because they are fools.

Sorry....?

[Mark1]

Just had lunch:

Pros

-Very interested in me
-Great fun to be around
-Very touchy
-Loved compliments
-Great convo
-Wants to get together Saturday night for a drink
-Said twice she wants to "meet my friends"

Cons

-Lives with her BF
-Been dating him for 4 years