Why are nices guys unlucky in love?

[DarkHelmet82]

Apologize for what? He didn't do anything wrong. Men who apologize when they haven't done anything wrong are being wrong by apologizing. It would be nice if she actually had apologized for her princess bullshit like behaviour and then he said he was sorry that she allowed herself to get that upset and that she could feel free to communicate her anxiety in the future. The same thing goes for woman who have done nothing wrong and apologize to men who have been assholes
to them.


What you apologized for DH needed to be apologized for if you were actually being what you said you were being. Horse did none of those things.

BTW: Thank you to all the guys that said what I would have said but would have looked even more bitchy to Madmenonly for saying them. Cheers to you all.

I think you misinterpreted what I was saying.. I didnt mean that he SHOULD apologize.. but if he had I dont really think it woulda been wrong. I commend him for standing up for himself as she did deserve it.

In my case even though she kind of got defensive on me and avoided my inquiries (which she has a right to do)... However, I was still being obsessive, immature, and a jerkl. That is not cool on my part. As much as it hurts me, I would rather know that its over but on good terms than on bad terms. And she didnt deserve what i said despite how much she hurt me.

[Wakeup]

Thanks for making that clearer

[blmg911]

mabe you're going after skinny blondes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you know they are hard to get...........

Not all of them are mate

[Horseyguy]

I dont think you were wrong.. but I dont think you apologizing is wrong either. I stood up for myself but then realized I was being a total douche, being obsessive, and a nutjob. I actually just apologized a little while ago and she said she hopes we can be on good terms. Im happier doing things that way than going around life having someone never wanting to talk to me again. This way at least i can move on with good terms instead of 'burning bridges.' As they say "treat others the way you want to be treated." And thats what I did and will always do!

She needs to take ownership over what happened and to acknowledge her poor behaviour and me apologising to her when I didn't do anything lets her off the hook and transfers the ownership back to me. She will then acknowledge that it was my fault because I even apologised for it.

And anyway I don't want someone in my life that is prepared to treat me like that and by me not apologising she will get the message that I didn't appreciate the way she treated me and that's why I am no longer in contact with her.

Either that will mean something to her and she will try and fix it or it won't and I won't hear from her again which pretty much will tell me what she really thinks of me

If she can't see what she did was wrong and doesn't want to fix this then she's just not worth it, simple as that and all me apologising will do is give her the easy way out of trying to fix this and allow her to be back in contact with me only to go do it again because I let her get away with it AGAIN

Sometime DH I'm happy that not everyone likes me. I don't need her to like me, I need her to respect me because if she did she wouldn't do this crap.

[r4mbo]

It seems some women would like to be put in their place at times then. Just so as Mr nice guy like myself doesn't come across as a pushover but isn't it really one of those can't win situations. Purely because depending on the girl it could backfire and she will think you're aggressive. Likewise with apologising after, some women would appreciate it and might then apologise themselves, others will just walk over you. If you don't say sorry you might get it in the neck or get the boot then as well?

Surely nice guys aren't unlucky in love with nice girls? There are women out there who are nice too but do they end up falling for bad guys like us nice guys fall for the bad girls???

For me the issue is I'm nice but I like a girl with a bit of an edge and opposite to me. The problem there is depending on how much of an edge she has you could get walked over, if she doesn't do that she will just see you as being soft and needy and give you the boot anyway.

[DannyH]

She needs to take ownership over what happened and to acknowledge her poor behaviour and me apologising to her when I didn't do anything lets her off the hook and transfers the ownership back to me. She will then acknowledge that it was my fault because I even apologised for it.

And anyway I don't want someone in my life that is prepared to treat me like that and by me not apologising she will get the message that I didn't appreciate the way she treated me and that's why I am no longer in contact with her.

Either that will mean something to her and she will try and fix it or it won't and I won't hear from her again which pretty much will tell me what she really thinks of me

If she can't see what she did was wrong and doesn't want to fix this then she's just not worth it, simple as that and all me apologising will do is give her the easy way out of trying to fix this and allow her to be back in contact with me only to go do it again because I let her get away with it AGAIN

Sometime DH I'm happy that not everyone likes me. I don't need her to like me, I need her to respect me because if she did she wouldn't do this crap.

This is where a lot of guys screw up.... when to apologize and when not to... Perfect prime example of when not to apologize.

[iamminzy]

[url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fz3zFqLc3E]‪NICE GUYS‬‏ - YouTube[/url]

Nice guys finish last,
That's why I'll treat you like trash,
It's not what I really wanna do.
But, you only date bad guys so,
I'll give it my best try to,
Treat you the way you want me to.

Maybe you should show her a little of your bad boy looks or something. I like bad boys more than nice guys lol. Bad boys in the way they look with nice hair, clean shave, nice clothes, baggy/lose pants but not too baggy where you can see their underwear. I don't want to date a douche bag or a guy who treats you like trash, but maybe changing the way you look with a little bad boy style and nice, but be smooth.

[Mathias]

OK, I need to interject something here.

There's a lot of talk in here about "standing up for yourself" and "saying no" because the girl will be put in her place. That's all fine and good, but that's not why you should be standing up for yourself. You should be standing up for yourself in ALL aspects of life where people are trying to take advantage of you, and relationships are just one of those. If you're standing up for yourself just because an online forum said that a girl would like you more because of it - that's the wrong reason. It needs to be something you're doing across the board.

Also, be careful of going to the other extreme. Sometimes in life, you ARE going to screw up, and women (and others) are going to be right to call you out on it. That's when you apologize. You don't have to run out and buy flowers and candy and drool all over them for a month, but you do have to apologize sincerely. Don't be that guy who always has to be right. You're not going to get anywhere that way, either.

[Wakeup]

Totally agree, Mathias.

[r4mbo]

Yep, it's a very good point Mathias.

[sadie_genie]

I was a "nice guy" to my ex and when her dog was diagnosed with cancer I was so concerned about upsetting her about anything I ended up getting walked all over.

I didn't stand up for myself when I should have and she just kept on doing it and kept on getting away with it because frankly I was being as weak as piss. I realise now what she actually needed from me was to be strong not "nice"

We went out for a drink on Friday and she got drunk and abused the crap out of me just because we ended up running late so I made her get out of my car and catch the train home. She was being a real bitch and in the past I would have just taken it and made excuses for her behaviour but this time around I didn't and it totally shocked her. She sent me a text saying I had scared her by shouting at her and leaving her in traffic and I was going to reply and apologise because I was feeling guilty (as Mr Nice Guy would have) but instead I just replied with "Suck it up Princess, you deserved it, and don;t contact me again unless it is to apologise)

I feel heaps better for doing that. If I had have responded with an apology I'd be feeling like crap now because it wasn't my fault and I'd only have been doing it to try and make her feel better about me and really after what she did I don't give a stuff how she feels about me.

She will be angry about it for a while, maybe a week or two but she knows she did wrong and I reckon she will look back and actually respect me more for having the balls to do it than she would have if I just took it and apologised when she was the one in the wrong.

Alternatively of course she might just think I was a total wanker for doing it and I'll never hear from her again but really I don't care if I don't. I'm just happy I stood up for myself and told her to get the **** out of my car

And you didn't have to act as nasty as you did if you haven't met a bitch like her, right? You are a nice guy because you were nice to her and she didn't appreciate it. But not all women are like that. When you actually HAVE to "put a woman in her place", she isn't even worth it. Being a nice guy isn't bad; it is a very a good quality, you just have to find a nice girl.