Am I just overreacting or is this really nuts?

[grneyedgirl]

We dated in High School. I was absolutely crazy about him but he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. He got married a few years later. I ended up working with and befriending a lady who I later found out was his wife. We became friends and talked every few years for about 16 years. We got back in touch with each other last year via Facebook and I found out that he had been divorced from his wife for almost 4 years. It was her idea, and he had tried really hard to reconcile hard with her for several years.We decided to meet when he was in my town on a business trip & the sparks flew. We decided that we were going to start seeing each other, but before we could he needed to talk to his ex-wife one last time. He asked her if she thought they would ever get back together and she gave a resounding "no". She said that they would never get back together and that if she ever changed her mind, that she would never tell him anyway....... We decided to give it a shot. She even called me to tell me that she was perfectly ok with us dating .. and teased that if I hurt him, she will hunt me down.
Everything was going along great until I visited him. The visit was awesome.. it was the the aftermath that wasn't so great. He is a firefighter and works 24 hour shifts. I stayed at the house after he had already left for work. I left sweet little notes all over the house in crazy locations such as the shower, his drawers, the freezer etc.. I thought that it would be fun for him to find them randomly and that it would make him smile. The problem errupted when she came over and found the notes!.. Yes... she not only has a key to the house, but I found out that the house belongs to her. She went NUTS!!!! She told him that she didn't want me in the house ever again etc...
From this time forward, she would call relentlessly when she knew that he was out of town visiting me. She would come up with a variety of "important issues" that couldn't wait and wouldn't stop calling until he answered. Some of these "emergencies" were such things as did she need to bring cat food by the house . Or asking him if it was OK to give their 20 year old daughter money. Things continued with problem after problem . She got mad because my son & I were at the same concert that he and his daughter went to even though we were completely across the arena from them.... She was snooping through his bank statement when she found a debit where he had rented a cabin for us for the weekend and flipped a lid and threatened to "completely sever all ties with him, sell the house and never speak to him again."
I should mention that they still have a few joint accounts and that she drives one of his cars when she is in town. (She works out of town). He sometimes picks her up at the airport... She has to celebrate every major holiday with him.. Fathers day, his birthday, Christmas, Mothers day, Thanksgiving, She makes it a family affair supposedly because of their daughter. They even celebrated their Wedding anniversary last year. Did I mention that they have been DIVORCED for over 4 years now?
Here's my issue, I don't mind that they get along, i don't mind that they are friends, I do mind that she interferes in our relationship and makes me look like the one with the problem because I got upset when she bought him a 65" TV for Christmas and he reciprocated by buying her an I-Pad. He was going to take me shopping for Christmas. That has yet to happen. It does bother me when he has to call her when he makes it to his destination whether it be on a business trip or other travel because "she worries about him". It does bother me that he let her put her new car on his insurance policy because it was "easier & cheaper on her".
Here's the kicker, I found out that about 2 months after we started dating , she told him that she wanted to come back home .

I know he cares about me and I do love him , but I'm not sure how much more of this that I can tolerate. Am I just being ridiculous or is this really an messed up situation? He thinks that I should just relax & not let it bother me because I " make it into more than it really is".

Am I just crazy?

[Lite]

Obviously she's not respecting your relationship with him, and he's not enforcing proper boundaries.

I think you need to ask yourself if you want to be with someone who can't respect you enough to handle his business like an adult.

If he unscrews his life later tell him to call you, but don't wait. She's defending territory that isn't even hers. She divorced him after all.

[HeartIsAching]

...Are you a troll?

[grneyedgirl]

Obviously she's not respecting your relationship with him, and he's not enforcing proper boundaries.

I think you need to ask yourself if you want to be with someone who can't respect you enough to handle his business like an adult.

If he unscrews his life later tell him to call you, but don't wait. She's defending territory that isn't even hers. She divorced him after all.

I think that you are absolutely right and have told him almost the same things before. She reminds me of a 2 year old who has put a toy down because she's tired of playing with it. The minute someone else picks it up, she has a fit.
Thank you~

[grneyedgirl]

I don't think so?
I think that I just had hope that things would change.

[hello1]

TROLL

you lot are boring me now with fake stories

[MerryH]

Why are you guys calling troll on this? It's a weird story, but what leads you to believe the OP's lying?

Here's my issue, I don't mind that they get along, i don't mind that they are friends, I do mind that she interferes in our relationship and makes me look like the one with the problem

You should have added something to this statement. Something like, "I also mind that he tolerates her hysterics and doesn't stick up for me." It's his fault that this situation is happening. Be more mad at him.

I hate to make this sound like a preachy, "you should have known better" thing, but he made it very clear that you were his second choice. It makes sense now that he's enabling her controlling behavior. He's getting the attention from her that he's probably always wanted since their divorce.

[grneyedgirl]

TROLL

you lot are boring me now with fake stories

What do you mean by troll? And why would you say such a thing about it being fake? My heart says that it is very real otherwise I wouldn't be asking advice from strangers.

[grneyedgirl]

Why are you guys calling troll on this? It's a weird story, but what leads you to believe the OP's lying?



You should have added something to this statement. Something like, "I also mind that he tolerates her hysterics and doesn't stick up for me." It's his fault that this situation is happening. Be more mad at him.

I hate to make this sound like a preachy, "you should have known better" thing, but he made it very clear that you were his second choice. It makes sense now that he's enabling her controlling behavior. He's getting the attention from her that he's probably always wanted since their divorce.

Thank you Merry. I feel so stupid for putting up with this for so long I just kept thinking that eventually he would get tired of her crap. One of the confusing parts is that one of the firemen on his shift said that he cant shut up talking about me when he's at work and that he's crazy about me.Their youngest daughter is still in school and lives with him. I do know that she uses her as an excuse to control him alot..... he cant see it.. but it happens all of the time.
Maybe its just time to be done with it all. I don't really want to be dealing with her forever and at this point I feel as though I would be.

p.s. what do they mean by Troll?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

A troll is someone who goes on a forum just to stir things up.

Don't mind it. If you know your story is true, don't worry about it.

I think you should initiate a break up. If he doesn't agree to whatever your terms are, then actually break up. Sounds like he'd be pleading for another chance within days. It seems like a situation you should probably just let go, though.

[hello1]

Just I have seen in a other forum the same person writing loads and I mean loads of fake stories all over the forum. Everyone knows they are fake as same style of writing etc.

Maybe I am paranoid but I have noticed here lots thread have same style writing and how it is set out in total story mode like quotation marks etc. It just doesn't seem real, seems more like a fiction story you write out.

[Wakeup]

I think that you are absolutely right and have told him almost the same things before. She reminds me of a 2 year old who has put a toy down because she's tired of playing with it. The minute someone else picks it up, she has a fit.
Thank you~

You remind me more of a two year old than his wife does. She's the one that after having a tantrum gets to spend all holidays and birthdays with this "boy of the hour." You on the other hand have been kicked out of the sand box only to be called back in for a bit of slap and tickle.

Darl'n you're being used... he loves her and he aint leaving her any time soon. Grow up, pick up your toys and go play in someone elses sand box. The one you're insisting on hanging out in is rather crowded.

Geesh! Pull up your big girl panties and quit playing second fiddle to the wifey. You should have known not to get involved when he told you that he had tried his best to reconcile with his loving life mate and he NEEDED to ask her permission to date you (ask her to reconcile) one more time before he would. He was no way over her and she knew it.

P.S. Nice fake photo.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

To add to Wakup's point, he probably pictures his ex-wife when he's ****ing you. You should try to style your hair and makeup a little more like hers.

[Wakeup]

.... Lmao .....

[grneyedgirl]

Just I have seen in a other forum the same person writing loads and I mean loads of fake stories all over the forum. Everyone knows they are fake as same style of writing etc.

Maybe I am paranoid but I have noticed here lots thread have same style writing and how it is set out in total story mode like quotation marks etc. It just doesn't seem real, seems more like a fiction story you write out.

Wow!!! Really? Are you sure that you aren't the pot stirring troll? I would LOVE to see these posts. Can u provide us links with dates of course so that we can validate them? I personally have posted to this site and one other. Same user name of course.