Boyfriend dated ex for 7 years

[zoomx3]

I really love my current boyfriend and I'm sure he feels the same but the fact that he dated his ex/first gf for 7 years has always bothered me. I'm not jealous of her or anything, Im just constantly questioning whether he will ever truly forget her, whether our relationship will ever compare to theirs. Hes always saying that our relationship is simply different from theirs, not better or worse...

I know I should just get over this; he's with me now. But I constantly feel like it's slightly unfair that he's my first love, first everything and quite possibly, my last. He promises that I'll be his last too, but he can never give me his first everything. And I just know that he's already given part of his heart away to his first gf. This feeling is really affecting the way I act in the relationship; I constantly raise the topic of his ex, and Im always trying to make him jealous... Ugh I know it's wrong but I really can't help it

Just looking for some general words of advice..

[devonbrown]

General words of advice: Get over it. She is his ex. Past tense. So what if you aren't his first? Would you rather be his first or last? Because the chances that someone will be both your first and last are very slim.

She will always be in his mind somewhere due to the amount of time spent with her. That doesn't mean that he wishes he were still with her. It is just a matter of fact that he spent time with her. And of course being in a relationship so long much mean that at least some of it was good. And good memories are not bad to have. But if he doesn't obsess over the past, neither should you.

Live in the now.
If you can't do that, then break up with him, go sow your oats, and then ask him if he wants to get back together. But you may find that he might not want someone that can't handle things maturely.

[VincenzoG91]

For them to break up after seven years together, something must have seriously gone wrong. Or else they stayed together out of habit for a lot longer than they should have stayed together. Either way, the past is the past and he is with you because he wants to be with you. Keep obsessing over his ex and you will ruin your relationship with him. Then again, if he is your first love, maybe you should end it anyway so you can date other people, because it sounds like that's what you really want to do anyway.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't think he will ever fully get over her. Once you've been with someone that long, they haunt you forever.

He may never be able to fully give himself to you.

[Grecoroman]

get over yourself or you will be dumped! 100%

Your lack of relationship experience is clear. but its nothing to sweat. I too was like this in my first relationship. I couldnt get over the fact she had a one night stand (before she met me) with the one guy at school i hated!

It nearly cost us the relationship. but one month i went to thailand to travel. i was young, niave and foolish, came back feeling like a man and on top of the world as i had been out of my comfort zone, faced with uncertaintny and handled it. nothing fazed me when i got back!

you know what it was...it was a confidence thing! going traveling made me feel special! after that i didnt care anymore! we got one so much better!

so improve your confidence. get over this problem you have (not him). stop those thoughts with thought stoppage techniques. tell yourself you can 'handle it' and you are better! and if your a porn star in the bed room, aint no man going to leave you!

the following quote of men is funny but true '' men live for two things...food and sex. so if your not having sex with him, make him a sandwich!''. he will be yours forever.

women have the ultimate power over men. SEX. its true. no matter what anyone says! you own him not the other way around!

[oldskool83]

i dated an ex for 5.5 years or longer i think. shes an ex. personaly id take it as a sign he was comitted to her and would be committed to your in the future also. thats how i look at women who have had long relationships.

[Wakeup]

I don't think he will ever fully get over her. Once you've been with someone that long, they haunt you forever.

He may never be able to fully give himself to you.

That's crap. "Haunt" lol. Sarcasm is a beautiful thang

Anyway, op you are your own worst enemy. You're selfish "it should be all about me" attitude will serve you poorly and it will drive a wedge between the connection that you and your boyfriend currently enjoy. So: If you can't get over the fact that he wasn't a virgin when you met him and that he's had a romantic past then you should consider personal counceling to help you with your insecurity and obsession with his past.

It's true, he'll never forget her. How can you forget someone who has been in your life for 7 years? That doesn't mean that he longs for her, still is in love with her and would drop you if she came calling. You need to accept that people are quite capable of tucking away past loves and being able to fall in love with someone new.

[jules82]

Question, how long have you been with him anyways? Just curious....

As for your situation, I can relate a bit. My current bf who i've been with for almost a year dated someone for a few years as well. Towards the middle of our relationship, I worried and pondered the same things, especially since I was starting to know him alot better, his past relationships, ect ect. It's taken me a bit time to adjust. He wasn't my first - but he's my actual first real true love. I waited a really long time to find someone like him and i'm the happiest I've ever been with anyone. It's the same situation though, we both want to be each other's last - and we tend on working very hard to keep it that way. Over time you'll let his past go. It's hard to get over it right away. It's a healing process.

But we've all had past lives and experiences. They are the past for a reason - and things end for a reason. Just focus on the fact that he's with you now - and you can build a whole new life with him, with new experiences together. Trust me, since I've gone through this, it only puts a strain on the relationship, especially when he sees you harping on his past - because it tends to come through as pure jealousy.....let go and focus on what you have now, you'll feel alot more free.

[zoomx3]

Ive only been with him for 2 months. The ex thing wasn't a problem at all the first couple of weeks (i knew about her before we even started dating). I started feeling insecure when I really began to fall for him... It's kinda like I really wanna make sure that what we have surpasses what he had with his ex...
Sometimes I'm fully aware that I'm being a selfish bi*** and I'm trying hard to get over it...

Thanks guys, you've all been really helpful

[Mathias]

Sometimes I'm fully aware that I'm being a selfish bi*** and I'm trying hard to get over it...

How so? Everything in this thread seems fine. A little insecure, but understandable if it's your first time in this situation.

[zoomx3]

I don't know... I guess I just always talk about his ex and ask him to compare the two of us.. And I always use the fact that several other guys like me to make him jealous... Like I tell my bf whenever I talk to those guys.. And even though I dont feel anything towards them, I pretend to sometimes just to make him jealous... Ugh sometimes I think I should just grow up a bit

[Mathias]

I don't know... I guess I just always talk about his ex and ask him to compare the two of us.. And I always use the fact that several other guys like me to make him jealous... Like I tell my bf whenever I talk to those guys.. And even though I dont feel anything towards them, I pretend to sometimes just to make him jealous... Ugh sometimes I think I should just grow up a bit

Probably, but a lot of women do the above, not just you. It doesn't seem like you're an animal, you just have some things to learn. Doesn't seem like a huge deal.

[Wakeup]

Like I tell my bf whenever I talk to those guys.. And even though I dont feel anything towards them, I pretend to sometimes just to make him jealous... Ugh sometimes I think I should just grow up a bit

Are you afraid of commitment? I ask because you are self-sabotaging your relationship when you do shit-tests like that. Stop doing that. If your boyfriend is a man of confidence and self worth (the kind of man you should be happy to be with) he will not tolerate your little tests for long and he will dump your insecure butt.

That behaviour is unattractive to men who are worth having and whether you believe it or not, sub-concsiously everytime he doesn't call you on your crap you lose a smidgeon of attraction for him.

[HeartIsAching]

women have the ultimate power over men. SEX. its true. no matter what anyone says! you own him not the other way around!

Wrong. Many women believe this, and try to force things their way by using their vagina as a weapon... then they get all bent out of shape when the man in their life goes elsewhere for sex.

OP - You've got insecurity issues. You feel threatened by your BF's previous relationship, and that's just silly. It was a seven year relationship... so I'm guess that you two are at least in your middle 20's, give or take a couple of years. By this time you should be more grown up than that.

[zoomx3]

Actually I'm only 18 and hes 27.. I know it's not a legit excuse, but I feel like maybe I just haven't matured enough.. Haha