Not feeling the sexual chemistry?

[fantasy123]

My girlfriend has always taken things slow and our sexual endeavors have been scarce and often unsatisfying... but neither one of us are the type that focuses solely on sex, we both agree its important. But when it comes down to it, it just doesn't really go off for us, and when it "fails" we just kinda laugh it off and go watch TV but... I can't help at some point to wonder, are we better off best friends or girlfriend/boyfriend? can someone with similar experiences share? Because I can't even recall the last time I really wanted to have sex with her or fantacized about her, even before we started doing sexual things, she always seemed like a best friend to me before a sexual partner.

[Lite]

90% of sexual arousal is in your head. Sometimes you're just not sexually compatible, and sometimes you're simply not putting in the effort to make it interesting for you. I've had great sex with friends, and terrible sex with my first wife.

Mostly it's all about effort, mood, and timing. The rest of it depends on what you're into. Make a game out of it, get a blindfold, buy a sex toy together. Find ways to please each other in bed.

[fantasy123]

how do I know if there is no physical chemistry and its affecting the relationship or am I just being selfish and are bored of the relationship and want a easy cop out? because we are compatible on so many other levels that most couples are not on.

I guess its one of those "only I can know things"... but after being with her for 3 years, I always thought the frustration or my boredom with sex has to do with our lack of experience but a problem is that neither of us demands it or fight about it. When we do it we do it and some times it goes badly and we just laugh it off... it seems to be no effort or frustration that comes from neither of us not "getting any"... I just assumed with experience, it will get better, but it really hasn't, something just isn't there, the spark, the fire, whatever you call it...

[frikkles1213]

Hi there,

Im in the same situation as you, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now, and still don't feel the sexual chemistry. At first it was great because sex was new to me, but i knew somewhat, very deep down that the big sparkle wasnt there; still, i loved him very much and was attracted to him so I told him we could try to be in a relationship. It works out very well on plenty of levels! We can talk about ANYTHING. But there is the issue : he has a way lower libido than I. He doesnt watch porn or masturbate, which I find kind of abnormal. He's into sex maybe once a week, I am, or used to be, about 4-5 times, maybe everyday. After being rejected for quite 6 months on my attempts to have sex with him more than once a week, I became what I am today ; sexually bored and I cannot really make love with him.
It goes like this with us to, if we "fail" we go and watch tv and laugh about it. Same thing. We are very close, great friends but I dont feel the attraction anymore, neither the chemistry just because he detroyed it all by saying : im not in the mood tonight for about 6 months 5 days a week.

I dont have any answers because Im dealing with the same problems as you. But I can tell I am afraid to break up, dont want to lose him or be depressed for a month, but i feel like this is not the way it is supposed to be in a relationship. I mean, if he wouldnt have turned me off for so long, I am sure I would still be in a great mood for that. The problem is I cannot turn myself on anymore with him because I feel like it would be a pure illusion and I would kind of lie to myself by pretending he's turning me on, when really he is not. I feel like he is a great great friend to me, awesome lover, but there is no WOW factor, you know? I am afraid to lose it all, but Im close to the edge of breaking up.