Am I just his f*** buddy?

[bittersweet00]

So about 3 weeks ago, I went out to a friend's birthday party at a bar, and met a guy. We had a great time dancing and drinking together and we ended up going back to his place for the night. Needless to say, we hooked up all the way.

This was a first time for me. I had never had sex with a guy outside a relationship before. I had made out with a guy before while not dating him, but this was different. I've only had two boyfriends in my life, both who were long term relationships, so to me, this was a whole new experience. Just as a side note: He is 28 and I am 22.

The next morning, we talked for a bit, exchanged phone #'s and I went home. He said he'd like to hang out again, so I agreed. About two days later he was texting me already. He wanted to know if I was going out that night, what my plans were for the weekend, etc. I got the feeling that maybe he wanted to hook up again...and at first I said "Why not? This is all new to me, so why not enjoy it?" So that weekend I went to his house, watched a movie, had a few drinks, and hooked up with him again.

The next several days the same thing happened. He'd text me, I'd reply, we'd meet up, "hang out" then do it all over again. Except last time he came over to my place instead. He's always been really nice to me and would actually cuddle up next to me during the night and in the morning before he'd leave.

I started thinking if maybe there was a chance he could like me more and would want something more than just hooking up. We've hooked up 3 times now. I'm just not sure what to think. We talk about stuff we have in common but he never really tries to get to actually KNOW me. He hasn't even asked what my last name is.

I'm trying to keep an open mind, and to actually enjoy the experience, but I have a feeling he's been just wanting to hit it and quit it from the get go. I don't necessarily want a relationship out of this, but I kind of feel used now. I guess it's my fault too. I shouldn't be letting it happen...I just thought maybe since he was older he would actually take things more seriously.

So should I just cut all communication with this guy? Or should I ask him where he stands, tell him how I feel? Or would that just freak him out?

[ctr916]

I am not sure why you are feeling used if you are enjoying your time together. Why not try to be friends with the guy and maybe pursue some hobbies together? I don't know anyone who says you cannot have a heterosexual friendship lead to something more, if it works out. Going from a "booty call" relationship to a friend with benefits relationship could be considered a form of "upgrading" that relationship.

[Wakeup]

Well, first off you are not being used if you very readily volunteer to jump each other so I suggest you get rid of that mindset. If you're going to use the word "used" then you are using him as much as he is using you. Capice?

Secondly... You cannot ask a man where he thinks things are going with you after three fvckss and not knowing his last name. I suggest instead that you invite him to do something outside either of your bedrooms and instead of fvcking each other at the end of the date you give him a nice kiss goodnight, a quick feel and then bid him adeau until next time. If he agrees to the outside your genitals date then your chances of him wanting more than having you as a warm wet place to masturbate have just increased. If he makes lame excuses as to why he can't be seen with you outside yours or his bedroom, then your chances of remaining fk buddies is higher.

P.S. Going from a fvck buddy to a Friend with benefits is no "upgrade."

[Yet another guy]

I started thinking if maybe there was a chance he could like me more and would want something more than just hooking up.

Maybe he does. More important question is: do you? If you do, you should probably talk about it with him to find out if he's interested.

We talk about stuff we have in common but he never really tries to get to actually KNOW me. He hasn't even asked what my last name is.

Have you tried to get to know him?

I have a feeling he's been just wanting to hit it and quit it from the get go.

I find that unlikely. He's hit you but hasn't quit. If he isn't interested in a relationship, I'd bet that he wants to be friends with benefits. Much better and safer than hooking up with random people in a club.

I don't necessarily want a relationship out of this

So, you are just using him for sex? Maybe you should bring this up with him if you suspect he's after something more. You wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, would you?

but I kind of feel used now.

He used you. You used him. You both enjoyed the experience. Great, isn't it? Nobody loses. Unless there are one sided feelings involved...

I just thought maybe since he was older he would actually take things more seriously.

That's a bit silly. There are 18 year olds who want a relationship and there are 30 year olds who just want sex. You can't make such assumptions based on age.

So should I just cut all communication with this guy?

Why? Are you planning to let him hit you and then quit yourself? Don't you like the sex anymore? Is there something you haven't told yet?

Or should I ask him where he stands, tell him how I feel? Or would that just freak him out?

That's a very good idea. I recommend that. Communication is always a good strategy in a relationship (I'm not talking about just romantic relationships). Ask him, what he wants out of the relationship and tell him what you want. If you both want just sex or if you both want a relationship... great! If your feelings don't match, the fun is over

Maybe it does freak him out. Depends how you ask. It certainly won't freak him out more than your silly idea of cutting communication.

*edit: It may not be a good idea to talk about a relationship right away so soon. Maybe about dating instead. Here's an idea: Just invite him out on a romantic date and see how he reacts.

[smackie9]

Like your momma always told you if you give it up right away, the guy will not respect you. Just because he is cuddley and nice, doesn't mean he is hoping for a relationship...to him he hit pay dirt and is getting sex. You are just a **** and that is all and don't bother hoping for a relationship....to him you are just an easy lay.

[ctr916]

P.S. Going from a fvck buddy to a Friend with benefits is no "upgrade."

Do you have an actual rationale or should we just take your word for it?

[tremolo]

I've gotta go with Smackie on this one.

[Wakeup]

Well logic should tell you that there is no upgrade if this girl wants to be in a monogamous committed and exclusive relationship with this man. But you do not know how to be logical so I'll cut you some slack. I base my findings on your illogicality by your previous posts in this forum board.

[ctr916]

Like your momma always told you if you give it up right away, the guy will not respect you. Just because he is cuddley and nice, doesn't mean he is hoping for a relationship...to him he hit pay dirt and is getting sex. You are just a **** and that is all and don't bother hoping for a relationship....to him you are just an easy lay.

I agree to disagree. Simply engaging in human sexuality no reason to lose respect for someone who was participating with you. In my opinion, your attitude about "hitting paydirt" is typical of some women who may have difficulty being friends with fellow human beings who may be male.

[ctr916]

I've gotta go with Smackie on this one.

You are welcome to "jump on the band wagon", but if you don't have a rationale, I may need to pursue some truth value through argumentation to inquire for myself that I am not resorting to forms of fallacies, simply to try to present an argument I don't have.

[ctr916]

Well logic should tell you that there is no upgrade if this girl wants to be in a monogamous committed and exclusive relationship with this man.

What you seem to be claiming, is that you are willing to use extreme leverage from your sexuality, and if the guy cannot "afford" to keep up with, you might as well move on. How is that being entitled to the character of a girl friend?

[Wakeup]

I agree to disagree. Simply engaging in human sexuality no reason to lose respect for someone who was participating with you. In my opinion, your attitude about "hitting paydirt" is typical of some women who may have difficulty being friends with fellow human beings who may be male.

You say that like it's a bad thing?

What you seem to be claiming, is that you are willing to use extreme leverage from your sexuality, and if the guy cannot "afford" to keep up with, you might as well move on. How is that being entitled to the character of a girl friend?

A woman who knows what she wants, has confidence and a healthy sense of self worth will not stick around a guy who does not give her what she wants. It's just a waste of time and it's a good way to get your heart torn assunder and loose your self esteem and sense of self.

Contrary to YOUR belief... being a fvck buddy or a friend with benefits is NOT the ultimate relationship to be in for all people. If what I want is to be involved in something casual then that would be what I would be in. To be in one when it's not what I want is counter-productive to my own well being.

[Yet another guy]

Like your momma always told you if you give it up right away, the guy will not respect you.

I can't speak for the rest of the guys but I'm exactly the opposite. If a girl had sex with me right away, I would never let her go.

[ctr916]

You say that like it's a bad thing?

A woman who knows what she wants, has confidence and a healthy sense of self worth will not stick around a guy who does not give her what she wants. It's just a waste of time and it's a good way to get your heart torn assunder and loose your self esteem and sense of self.

Contrary to YOUR belief... being a fvck buddy or a friend with benefits is NOT the ultimate relationship to be in for all people. If what I want is to be involved in something casual then that would be what I would be in. To be in one when it's not what I want is counter-productive to my own well being.

I am trying to be less judgmental by watching porn and not judging women by the clothes they don't wear, on the internet.

You make it seem like women who know what They want do not want to waste Their time being a girl friend to a guy.

[Wakeup]

I can't speak for the rest of the guys but I'm exactly the opposite. If a girl had sex with me right away, I would never let her go.

What? even if you discovered she wa a whack job to the 9th degree? A stage 3 clinger. A stalker and a promiscuous sociopath. Wow! You're not hard to please