Chasing when they get away

[OmnicronPercei8]

I personally have the (mis?)conception that if you're in love with someone and they leave you fight to get them back. You fight with all your heart to show them that you've made mistakes and will learn from them. Many other posters on here have stated that chasing them or showing them your feelings is only a mistake which drives them even further away. Obviously the reasons for the break up are relevant in which would one works, but I guess 9-10 times on this board it is where they have left you for whatever reason or suggested a break while they think about things.

My ex had even told me that she wished so very much that she had fought harder to get me back when we were taking a break and when I wasn't responsive as quick as she needed she started to check out of the relationship. So she wanted to fight to keep me and didn't fight enough and I wanted to fight to keep her after we broke up for good and maybe I fought too much...

I just wondered what the consensus was on this. Pursue her and show her you love her? Or start getting over her day one?

[girl68]

Don't persue. Generally I don't think people change their personalities. If you're not a cuddly type and your SO wants to cuddle and eventually calls it quits due to lack of affection... you shouldn't fight because you're not a cuddly type and are simply incompatible love or not isn't relevant in my opinion.

[Wakeup]

If all the same stuff is still there that caused you to breakup then there is absolutely NO reason to pursue. If it has been proven that improments have been made and the issues that were there are no longer there, then by all means pursue. But DON'T CHASE. There is a distinct difference. You chase and they will keep running. You have to calmly go up to them, and then leave and let them come to you. Crap, I just realized it's like training a wild chipmunk to take peanuts from your hand. lol

[devonbrown]

I agree. There is a reason why the separation happened in the first place. Chasing and whining and crying don't take the reason away. And words don't take the reason away. The only thing that takes it away is maturity and a sincere effort to change it. And that doesn't have to do with the person walking away.

Just my opinion...

[OmnicronPercei8]

I guess another measure I wanted to ask about was respect. If you plead your heart out to a girl that dumps you does she then lose respect?

[pisces25]

I think it depends on the kind of relationship you had. If you had a relationship where you respected each other that would still remain so the respect wouldn't be lost.

I know if my ex-BF pleaded his heart out to me I wouldn't lose respect. I would want to know there would be changes made to the r.ship though so it doesn't suffer the same fate.

[bulrush]

I personally have the (mis?)conception that if you're in love with someone and they leave you fight to get them back. You fight with all your heart to show them that you've made mistakes and will learn from them. Many other posters on here have stated that chasing them or showing them your feelings is only a mistake which drives them even further away. Obviously the reasons for the break up are relevant in which would one works, but I guess 9-10 times on this board it is where they have left you for whatever reason or suggested a break while they think about things.

My ex had even told me that she wished so very much that she had fought harder to get me back when we were taking a break and when I wasn't responsive as quick as she needed she started to check out of the relationship. So she wanted to fight to keep me and didn't fight enough and I wanted to fight to keep her after we broke up for good and maybe I fought too much...

I just wondered what the consensus was on this. Pursue her and show her you love her? Or start getting over her day one?

It depends. Is she wanting you to chase her because she wants to manipulate her? Or is she serious about getting back together? Does she make an effort to give something to the relationship? If not, she is just feeding her ego with you chasing her.

I don't chase women. Either they want to be with me or they don't. Either we both put work into the relationship, or it's over.