For all those experts out there: Please help!

[ricky22li]

Well this is my first time posting... never thought I'd be doing something like this, but here goes.

I met this girl back about 7 months ago. We started off real slow, and I didn't want a relationship at the time because I knew I was moving away in 4 months. Well as we hung out, I realized I started falling for her, etc. etc. I'll skip the boring stuff.

We ended up falling in love, and took the relationship long distance when I moved. This wasn't my first relationship, but it was my first long distance one. This girl loved me. I have no doubt of that. We often talked about our future together, and it was the first girl I could actually see a real future with. But I guess the long distance made me insecure about our relationship. I started picking little fights about stupid things. Things like her not texting me enough, or her not being affectionate enough when we saw each other. I don't remember those things always being an issue. Maybe she adjusted to the long distance better than I did, or maybe I really was just extremely insecure. She still texted me good morning every day, spoke to me on skype every night, and we saw each other every 2 weeks. But for some reason, it all of a sudden wasn't enough for me.

I started picking fights, constantly about the most immature things and constantly needed reassurance of her love. After a month of fighting, I was finally fed up. I told her we needed a break. She sadly agreed. Unfortunately, in the spur of the moment, I decided to write her a email of all the things I've been angry about. She called me afterwards, crying and saying she wasn't ever going to be the girl I want her to be and that it was over.

We spoke via email the following day, after I realized over a drunken night out, how stupid I was about picking those immature fights. She emailed me seeking closure, and I replied with how sorry I was and how I wanted a second chance. She replied later that she needed time to heal, she was hurt, she needed space, etc etc. She said she wanted the best for me, and she wasn't it. I called her, and all she did was cry and kept repeating I'm so sorry.

So here's the predicament. It's been 3 days since we last spoke, which was that phone call mentioned above. My birthday is coming up in 2 days. Everyone is telling me she will most likely text me on my birthday. My options are to either reply with "Thanks, wish you were here to celebrate with me." Or not to reply at all and ignore her for a little and maybe email her something non-affectionate sometime next week.

She's a mature girl and she doesn't like games, but let's face it- everyone plays games, whether they want to or not. Any help would really be appreciated. Thanks in advance!

[DarkHelmet82]

how about just saying thanks.

[bulrush]

Don't play games. Be realistic and don't let your emotions make decisions for you. Long-distance relationships (LDRs) are hard, I just broke up with my LDR girlfriend. We really liked each other, and the distance was not a problem. As for you, if you are really sorry, and you really want her back, tell her by saying "Thanks. Wish you were here." Don't say "Wish you were here" if you don't really want that.

Be honest with yourself and have realistic goals. And realize that being in love won't solve your problems, but having things in common, and agreeing on issues like money, kids, sex, and marriage will make things easier.

[DarkHelmet82]

you can say.. "do i get birthday sex?" lol

my ex texted me for my birthday.. it doesnt mean anything... she didnt want to get back with me (she was just being nice), it could be the same here.. dont assume it means anything if she does text you.

[ricky22li]

I absolutely do want her here with me. I'm just trying to go about the best way of getting her back now. Our breakup didn't end with screaming or angry feelings, only lots of tears. I'm giving her space like she asked, but how much space is too much to where she'll move on?

[DarkHelmet82]

I absolutely do want her here with me. I'm just trying to go about the best way of getting her back now. Our breakup didn't end with screaming or angry feelings, only lots of tears. I'm giving her space like she asked, but how much space is too much to where she'll move on?

thats the million dollar question.. I honestly dont know. I guess the best answer would be let her contact you, if she wants to be with you she will tell you.

[Enchanté]

i was just in a LDR, and he dumped me. I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that if only we had been together this wouldn't have happened, but that doesn't change that it did. I've sort of come to believe that long distance relationships go against our very nature--but that doesn't mean that people can make them work. Maybe the timing just isn't right. The reasons you broke up before could very well still be an issue even if you get back together--only this time they may be more intense because there's a lot of hurt and broken trust that came with the break-up. Maybe one day you will get back together, who knows--but try to take a step back and consider the best move. If she says she wants space and time to heal, then let her have it--she'll come to you if she wants to speak to you, be with you, etc. You don't want to start a relationship again with her uncertain it's good idea, and you certainly don't want to keep a relationship going by begging someone to come back if they don't want to.

[ricky22li]

Well, she texted me today, after 5 days NC: "Happy birthday! I hope you have a great weekend with the guys, and good luck on your presentation!" I'm trying not to read too much into it. At first, I was excited that she cared enough to remember my plans; but then I realized it probably didn't mean much more than being nice. I replied with "Thanks, wish you were here to celebrate."

No reply, although I wasn't really expecting one.

I realize NC is probably the best route to go now, especially if I want her back; but I feel like long distance throws a wild card into it. It is easier for her to forget me if she knows I'm 150 miles away. Should I keep contact with her every week or so via text or email? Thoughts, suggestions, advice please?

[DarkHelmet82]

NO... NO.... DO NOT CONTACT.... trust me.. contacting her no matter how much you think you should will only backfire...