"Friends of the ex/mutual friends" etiquette

[Layna]

Alright, so I moved to the city my ex lives in a week ago. I don't know anybody here except for him (but we're on NC) and his friends. I've only ever met them with him when I visited him here, but I like them and they liked me and we have each other on Facebook.

Now my question is, they are the only people I know here, and I do feel a little alone. I am NOT contacting any of them of my own accord because I don't want to put them in a weird position, but three of them have now written to me and I've already met up with one of them and am talking about it with the others. Again, I always made sure they initiated it, not me. But I feel that there is potential for real friendships with them and I'm very happy to know people in this city that I already have some sort of a foundation with, and maybe I could also meet their friends and so on.

But of course the issue here is that they are originally my ex's friends, and him and I are on NC. He knows I met with one of his friends (his best friend, who is also new here and was happy to sort of know someone else), and my ex was OK with it but a little uncomfortable, which is understandable.
So what is the right thing to do here? I don't want to be a jerk, and I'm afraid I might qualify as one if I keep doing this. But on the other hand, I really would be very grateful to have the opportunity to know somebody, and I make very sure that it is their idea to meet me and I'm not putting them in a weird situation they don't want to be in. And of course it goes without saying that if he's invited by them, I won't go to the event and make things awkward, and I won't discuss the relationship with his friends.

Thoughts?

[Wakeup]

I'm a little confused with you and your questions.. A few weeks ago you posted that you were worried about running into your ex if you moved to his city and now you're actully talking to and meeting ups with HIS friends. Whats your gig, Layna?

This is what you said:

Hi everyone!
I'm living at home for a few months atm after being abroad a few years. Now I'm about to move to the city my ex lives in! We broke up not too long ago, it was not a very nice breakup, I still have feelings for him but it is definitely over and I know that. I dont want him back, but I'm not over him yet either.

I love the city he lives in, and there really is not anywhere else I would rather live. But I am scared what it will be like knowing he is there and I might run into him, maybe with a new girl even (although this is unlikely, the city is very big, but who knows?). I am very sure I want to live there and I also know there is no chance of us getting back together, so that he lives there would deter me rather than convince me to go there. The move would be very soon, next month. But I am a bit scared what it will be like for me.

For someone who was afraid of moving for fear she would run into an ex... you're taking a big leap by hanging with his friends.

[Layna]

I know. I don't know what you mean by 'my gig' though. I posted again in that old thread two days or so ago and said I was just fine and it wasn't an issue for me being here. I have been to places him and I used to go together, and it didn't bother me at all. Before I came here, I was worried I would feel terrible about being in the same city that he is and that i associate so many memories with - but as it turned out, my worries were unfounded. I thought moving here would set me back, but it hasn't at all, and none of this (seeing the same old places, knowing he's around the corner, talking to his friends) is giving me a lot of trouble. Trust me, I'm more surprised by this than anyone else.

[IncognitoSir]

No, go make your own friends. Can't believe you'd have to ask if it's ok to start hanging out with his friends, who does that? Sounds like you're just trying to get under his skin though.

[Wakeup]

Frankly then, I don't know why you're so concerned about what he'll (your ex) will think of you hanging out with his friends (are you attracted to one of them?) It's up to his friends to smooth it out with him (bros before hoe's is the saying guys use for their friends hanging out with or dating their exes). Are any of these "friends" girlfriends of your exes male friends or is it just the guys you find worthy?

P.S. by "what's your gig" I mean what (if any) is your real agenda in all this by moving to the city your ex lives in and then wondering if you should hook up with his friends. Just sounded suspect due to your prior post is all. Frankly again... it still sounds like you have an agenda.

[Layna]

Incognito Sir - Well, that's exactly what I'm afraid of, that someone (i.e. him) sees it that way. I can honestly say this has absolutely nothing to do with trying to get under his skin, trying to somehow 'keep in touch' or anything like that. I am honestly only glad to not be completely alone here. Knowing he's tied to them is a disadvantage, if you will, not something I seek out.

You are right nonetheless, I guess. There must be a reason for why I feel a bit bad about. Just sucks sort of knowing at least a few people but still having to avoid them.

[Layna]

Frankly then, I don't know why you're so concerned about what he'll (your ex) will think of you hanging out with his friends (are you attracted to one of them?) It's up to his friends to smooth it out with him (bros before hoe's is the saying guys use for exs hanging or dating their exes). Are any of these "friends" girlfriends of your exes male friends or is it just the guys you find worthy?

P.S. by "what's your gig" I mean what (if any) is your real agenda in all this by moving to the city you ex lives in and then wondering if you should hook up with his friends. Just sounded suspect due to your prior post is all.

No no, I don't have any hidden intentions or anything like that. I really came here because I love the city and talked to his friends because I feel alone. That he's here doesn't bother me after all, but it's far from a 'plus'.

And no, I'm not attracted to any of them. Plus if I was, that would *definitely* be crossing the line, so there's no danger of me doing this because I'd like to get closer to them. No way I would do that.
Two of them are guys, one of them is the girlfriend of his friend. Do you think that makes a difference? Hanging out with just the girl would probably be less weird I guess, since he's really friends with her boyfriend. Her as well of course, but just through him.

[Wakeup]

Meh... I still say if your ex has a problem with it then it's up to him to ask his friends to not hang with you and if his friends agree then so be it... if they don't agree with him, then they're all grown up and can make their own decisions and decide if the consequences are worth it for them.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you love the city so much, go out into it and meet people. Start doing activities that you like and you'll start meeting new friends.

I agree that you're free to hang out with whomever you'd like, but if you're really trying to cut ties with your ex, you should leave his friends alone too. As you said, they are only his friends and you haven't spent time with them without him, so you can't really say they're mutual friends.

[Layna]

I am going out and trying to meet people. But it isn't that easy, and it takes quite a while, and if in the meantime somebody I know pops up and wants to do something together... well.