A girl who could REALLY use some advice :(

[noellearianna]

Hey all. Here's the quick gist...So i've been in a relationship on and off for about two years now. It's been quite the rollercoaster ride as well...You see..my guy cheated on me 11 months in on the relationship...we were on and off trying to figure out what we wanted up until nov 2010 and we've been together since...he's an EXTREMELY sexual person and has been with a number of girls...however up until recently I was on his computer and saw craigslist emails of men seeking men ads that he replied to and posted...now the red flags go up? IS HE GAY? what should i do? i questioned him and he completely shut down. he just says he wants to try something new and he's always been curious about it. i'm seriously freaking out. things have been so good these past couple of months and now this comes about and i'm heart broken. what am i supposed to do? I love this guy more than anything. He's put me through so much crap though and i don't really deserve it. I am truly at a crossroads and I seriously could use some advice. I hope no one's judging

[Mathias]

This is why cheating=breakup. Period.

It's not going to change.

[noellearianna]

Right? I really deserve so much better. It just sucks....I'm a fool for taking him back so many times when he's treated me horribly...now this? i guess i'm just staying in the relationship because it's my longest one and i feel so comfortable on so many levels with this guy. I know I'm one of those stupid girls who seems completely and totally foolish but I guess that's love. I don't know how to do it. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself and how to start over because I can't picture myself with anyone else. I know there's better for me out there deep down and a relationship shouldn't make me feel so terrible. How do I get the courage to be strong enough for the road ahead?

[Mathias]

Right? I really deserve so much better. It just sucks....I'm a fool for taking him back so many times when he's treated me horribly...now this? i guess i'm just staying in the relationship because it's my longest one and i feel so comfortable on so many levels with this guy. I know I'm one of those stupid girls who seems completely and totally foolish but I guess that's love. I don't know how to do it. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself and how to start over because I can't picture myself with anyone else. I know there's better for me out there deep down and a relationship shouldn't make me feel so terrible. How do I get the courage to be strong enough for the road ahead?

You don't suddenly get courage. You just fake it.

And we've all been at the point where we can't see ourselves with someone else. It sucks, but it passes. Then, you find someone better.

[pisces25]

OP
I just got out of a relationship coz I was feeling like crap and knew something wasn't right. It was my gut instinct. I knew I deserved better. I loved (still do) the guy with all my heart but it just got to the point where I was feeling terrible and had to make a decision. I went through the same old shit of justifying his actions and telling myself I would never have a guy love me like that again, or love a guy like that again. It did little to take away the fact the relationship wasn't the right one for me.

The longer you leave it the harder it will be. Do you want to still be feeling like this 2, 5, 10 years down the track, potentially missing out on meeting someone that is ideal for you in every way?

I completely agree with Mathias re the courage. You will FIND this along the way, by taking it day by day. It is a bloody hard road ahead but by surrounding yourself with loving friends and family and keeping yourself occupied you can do it. And this time in 6 months time (or longer if it takes) he will be just memories to you.

Good luck. You do deserve better.

[lahnnabell]

I agree

[Margo]

You don't suddenly get courage. You just fake it.

You will FIND this along the way, by taking it day by day.

I don't think anyone could have said it any better And now choose for yourself girl!

[dragonflygirl]

IMO.... this is something that could have been discussed with you prior to going online to seek it out. there for ( again....IMO only ) even if he hasn't done anything physical yet, he has infact cheated on you........ again. My friend had a saying ( before he cheated on ME...lol)
Fool me once, shame on you.... fool me twice... shame on me.

Pack it up, grab some chocolate and tissues, take some martial arts classes and start the healing process lady! He's no good for you. You deserve the BEST!!!!!

[devonbrown]

Being comfortable with someone does not make a healthy and happy relationship.

Regardless of the MM sex stuff, he has cheated on you, proclaimed to be overly sexual (to set up an excuse for future cheating events), and has taken you for granted. You let him come back and haven't given him any reason to not keep being a jerk to you.

Show him that actions have consequences. Cut him off. Leave him. And don't look back. If you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you won't need to worry about courage. Just concentrate on the steps and get out of there fast.

Good luck.

[bulrush]

Sounds like he is bi-curious. Some guys like to try this. It doesn't mean he's gay. And it doesn't mean this will always be an interest. But he's curious, and needs to at least try something. (A bisexual likes girls and guys.)

But he is also cheating on you, which is a bad sign. When that happens, he doens't respect your feelings.

[Henry123]

I would say its better to end it. He already cheated and now he's doing this (trying to meet other men)? Bi-curious or not its a betrayal of trust for replying to those men seeking men adds.
(btw I hope you are having condom protected sex. Not safe with a cheater you know. Beware! Beware! Beware! You've been warned.)

If you try to drag this on it will just hurt more. Count your blessings. There are people who are in relationships for years or even worst married who then has this sort of stuff happens to them. It was fortunate for you to find this out now than later.