My bf spends too much money on me!

[Sonrisa]

Well it's not only the paying for the date, but the fact that he bought me birthday presents that were so elaborate so soon after dating him.

I feel as if I don't really know this guy well enough to let him do that. Because if something were to happen between us and we broke up, I would feel like a gold-digger and I'm sure he would see me that way as well. I think that bigger gifts like that aren't really appropriate until you're really serious with someone. If we broke up, I wouldn't want him to think that I used him for his money.

And I've always made people home-made cards and things like that so I'm not really used to all this....

Also, talking about the whole "Western Women" thing...that actually might make sense from his perspective because he is from another country. (However, I hope he really doesn't see western women as being that materialistic!). He said that in his country, women have much higher standards for men and that it is expected for the man to always pay. So maybe that is just what he is used to.

i always kept all of my gifts, except for returned an engagement ring.

[vashti]

I'm not sure what "elaborate gifts" are to someone who only sees their own value when paying for things... What exactly did he give you for your birthday? Also, did you grow up poor? And what country is he from?

[Riku]

I'm not a "taker" or an "entitled princess", I just think this is pointless. She has been seeing him for a month, she doesn't have other things to think about or worry about? I'll pay for a date in the blink of an eye but if the guy wants to pay, *shrug* who cares? I'm not gonna waste my energy on making a big deal over something so stupid. You pay, he pays...who gives a f&$k! You are out having a good time with him right? Just let it go ffs. Go out, have fun, stop looking for things to get upset about.

Why are women so bent on PROVING their independence from males? Stop trying so hard, it does the opposite.

[Sonrisa]

Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior.
Socrates

[lahnnabell]

Gifts are an expression of love not value. I received these two adorable little stuffed animals from one boyfriend. It was thoughtful because it represented something funny we shared together, and that's why I loved them. My next boyfriend bought me a really awesome bracelet from one of my favorite stores. It had no precious stones or gold or silver, but I loved it because he knew my taste exactly. Not everyone sees gifts in terms of how much they cost.

My current boyfriend takes me out all the time and never complains about my not paying. He hates it if we have to split the bill. If it comes to a point when money is tight, he tells me, "Hey, we've some extra expenses this month, so we'll have to go easy on going out." I'm more than happy to oblige. He says, "I'm here to take care of you, but I know you don't really need me to take care of you. I want to."

She shouldn't begrudge her boyfriend if this is part of who he is. If he does start expecting some form of repayment or accuses her of being a gold digger then she can always leave and find someone who won't go all bi-polar.

[lahnnabell]

Why are women so bent on PROVING their independence from males? Stop trying so hard, it does the opposite.

YESSSSS. So agree.

[Petit Papillon]

I'm from a country considered "eastern" and I also think it's not a big deal if guy pays. I actually hate splitting bill, I never did that with my bf. It's either him paying or me completely, no splitting ,it's so ...datish .

[lahnnabell]

And as a former server turned restaurant manager, we HATE splitting checks.

[sadie_genie]

I'm from a country considered "eastern" and I also think it's not a big deal if guy pays. I actually hate splitting bill, I never did that with my bf. It's either him paying or me completely, no splitting ,it's so ...datish .

I think men knows it is kind of embarrassing when a girl pays for him. Some guys who I have dated and guyfriends who I hang out with always refuses when I pay for them when we go out to eat. There was one guy who I dated let me pay for him sometimes when we go out and everytime I take out my wallet, he always felt the need to say jokingly "OMG, I feel like such a gigolo" or something of that sort to the waiter or cashier.

[lahnnabell]

Men tend to get uncomfortable with it because they know that historically and socially they've always been viewed as "THE PROVIDER". It's attached to their manhood in the most critical way. They are bigger, faster, better men because they can use their resources best, they make more money, provide food and shelter. If a woman starts to do these things, she is essentially taking his manhood away. If she can make her own money and provide her own food and shelter, then why does she need a man? Though it was never our intention to downgrade men during the process of women's lib, because of the way most people see things (black and white), if women were going to be liberated it must mean that we have to emasculate men in the process.

[Petit Papillon]

I think men knows it is kind of embarrassing when a girl pays for him. Some guys who I have dated and guyfriends who I hang out with always refuses when I pay for them when we go out to eat. There was one guy who I dated let me pay for him sometimes when we go out and everytime I take out my wallet, he always felt the need to say jokingly "OMG, I feel like such a gigolo" or something of that sort to the waiter or cashier.

I think it's just an issue if you're actually " dating" someone. If you're in more of a serious relationship , it's really whatever

[DannyH]

There is paying for dates then there is going over the top with paying for stuff which is why she is getting worried about it. Too much of a good thing. Yeah you claim the who provider thing but a guy who blows most of his money on dates yeah that can be fun if that doesn't change. Imagine down the road where your SO would rather go out and spend too much cash and not securing a bit for the future. Usually when somebody brings something up like this to an internet forum it's worse then it actually is written out. I mean if the dude can't even listen to a women he is dating about how she feels how does the bode for the future as well? Oh it's ok because he can provide for her screw her wanting to feel good about a relationship instead of just guilty about it on top of feeling obligated to stay because he payed for everything. Yup that screams no resentment and a happy future.

[chica]

Let me clear up some of the questions you all asked.

He is from Turkey. And no, I never really grew up poor....I've actually always been pretty fortunate. The birthday gifts he gave me were an evil eye ornament thing, a shirt, and a Turkish shawl. The evil eye and the shawl are both Turkish things, so I think they meant something to him Traditionally, the evil eye is given to someone who is talented, beautiful, etc. to protect them from jealously or gossip. I thought it was actually pretty sweet!

But we have known each other less than a month, and became "official" very recently. So everything seemed over the top.

However, I think he has good intentions and maybe him paying makes him feel like a man. I don't know.

[Wakeup]

men who don't pay are pussies. and wakeup is one giant cunt.

lmao. Ya gotta love a forum where the mod can call someone a cunt, attack the poster and not the post. My kinda place.

She does not want him paying for her all the time no matter what you or your twin in nurse's clothing have to say... and I can tell you that any man who insists on NOT allowing her to pay for the odd meal will not last long with her or anyone else. Guarantee.

I think he has good intentions and maybe him paying makes him feel like a man. I don't know.

personally I can think of other ways that would make him feel like a man than bringing out his wallet every chance he got.

[Sonrisa]

lmao. Ya gotta love a forum where the mod can call someone a cunt, attack the poster and not the post. My kinda place.

She does not want him paying for her all the time no matter what you or your twin in nurse's clothing have to say... and I can tell you that any man who insists on NOT allowing her to pay for the odd meal will not last long with her or anyone else. Guarantee.

personally I can think of other ways that would make him feel like a man than bringing out his wallet every chance he got.

yep, that's why we love this forum. i've always separated men into MEN and pussies (cunts, vaginas, etc) according to my standards.