My bf spends too much money on me!

[chica]

Hey guys Okay, I know this sounds strange because many girls WISH they had this problem! But my boyfriend and I recently started dating and he spends a lot of money on me. We usually go out to eat and I try to pay the bill, but he says that he would feel bad if I paid, so he always picks up the tab.

My birthday is coming up and he got me a cake and some expensive presents (or at least they looked expensive.) We've only been dating a couple of weeks and I feel bad that he went to all that trouble!

This guy seems really sweet and the things he does are heartfelt. Maybe gifts are his way of expressing emotion but it makes me feel extremely guilty whenever anyone spends money on me! Also, I feel as if I "owe" him something now. I don't know if he has ulterior motives by spending so much (like wanting sex, etc.).

How do I tell my bf to not spend so much money on me? I can't convince him to let me pay, and I don't want to hurt his ego...

Also, I think he is in a financially stable situation but it still makes me feel guilty never chipping in my fair share when we go out. He is also from another country where men paying for everything is more common because (according to him), the women hold higher expectations for men haha

[lahnnabell]

If you stay together long enough you'll get the chance to pitch in your fair share. For now, enjoy the ride.

[Deeza07]

I have this problem too - I get around it by either buying vouchers for restaurants and inviting him along, saying I have a voucher OR I pretend to go to the bathroom and pay while I'm up. Other than that, I don't find there's much more I can do.

[pisces25]

My ex-BF always wanted to pay when we were out and it used to drive me crazy, made me feel I wasn't contributing at all. He would get annoyed that I was putting up such a fight about it. In the end I just let him do it as it made him feel good and it was his way of showing he could 'provide' for me which was important to him.

Just be grateful when he does it, tell him you appreciate it and don't worry too much. As long as you have offered he knows you're not taking advantage of the situation and it probably makes him feel good doing it for you so just leave it as it is. Or buy him something nice out of the blue to show your appreciation.

[Horseyguy]

My ex-BF always wanted to pay when we were out and it used to drive me crazy, made me feel I wasn't contributing at all. He would get annoyed that I was putting up such a fight about it. In the end I just let him do it as it made him feel good and it was his way of showing he could 'provide' for me which was important to him.

Just be grateful when he does it, tell him you appreciate it and don't worry too much. As long as you have offered he knows you're not taking advantage of the situation and it probably makes him feel good doing it for you so just leave it as it is. Or buy him something nice out of the blue to show your appreciation.

It's the old dammed if you do and dammed if you don't scenario. It sorts itself out in the end though.

With my ex because she was so independent and insisted on splitting the bill when we first started dating I just assumed that's the way she was happy it being.

About two Months in we went for a meal and she had a real go at me because I never paid for the meal. And I'm like, well hold on, we always split the bill because you said you wanted to do that, and she went well yeah but I've never dated anyone before that doesn't pay for the meal after the first few dates.

Need to be a mind reader sometimes

Anyway after that other than my Birthday I always paid for every meal we had, sometimes if she was feeling guilty she would offer to pay for the wine which was fair enough seeing as she drank most of it anyway as I always had to drive so she could drink

[Boisdevie]

Is the guy paying for everything a way of showing love or an effort to 'own' somebody? My GF would simply refuse to let me pay for everything. So tell your bf that you wont go out with him to events etc unless he lets you pay your share. After all, we do live in the 21st century. Like an age of EQUALITY.

[chica]

I was contemplating doing the whole, "I'm going to the bathroom" to pay the check thing

Or I was thinking about "Dropping" a 20 or 50 dollar bill in his apartment or in his car and trying to convince him that it's not mine when he asks lol.

And the whole "owning a girlfriend" thing is what makes me leery here, because i feel like I'm contributing nothing to the relationship. I don't know if this guy is trying to "buy" me or if is just doing what he sees as polite and culturally acceptable according to his country of origin.

[Wakeup]

He must be a "nice" guy! When you break up with him (which you will do because you'll get bored with him and his insistance that he give, give, give) He'll likely come to a forum board like this one and tell everyone how you took, took, took and then didn't love him, had the nerve to leave him and his "generosity."

[blmg911]

To be fair many women don't like guys who spend money of them if they do then it's most likely not true love.

[blmg911]

I would suggested that you sit and talk to him and tell him how you feel; Then suggest you go out and you treat him for once, if he says no then don't take it for an answer tell him you are treating him for once and next time you go out you can suggest to split it. If you split the bill and he refuses then put more in for example if you says lets split 50/50 and he says no its ok then say fine i'll put in 60/40 keep increases your input and he'll surely get the picture and settle at 50/50

[Riku]

I don't see why it matters. If he wants to pay let him pay, it's his money. Money is the last thing on my mind in relationships, I don't keep track of how often I've paid or when they've paid, it's just money, it comes and goes. Don't worry about it so much, it's really unimportant.

[IncognitoSir]

with the exception of wakeup, every other woman in this thread has advised you to continue to take advantage of his generosity. If you WANTED to chip in, you would, It's that simple. If this is actually bothering you, you'd talk to him about how him paying for EVERYTHING effects YOU. Stand your ground on this issue just like you would any other issue in the relationship. Refuse to let him pay for everything, surprise him with gifts, beat him to the punch for the ticket at dinner.

[Sonrisa]

with the exception of wakeup, every other woman in this thread has advised you to continue to take advantage of his generosity. If you WANTED to chip in, you would, It's that simple. If this is actually bothering you, you'd talk to him about how him paying for EVERYTHING effects YOU. Stand your ground on this issue just like you would any other issue in the relationship. Refuse to let him pay for everything, surprise him with gifts, beat him to the punch for the ticket at dinner.

oh please, why bother

[vashti]

Why would you feel guilty because he wants to treat you? Some people are generous by nature, and he DOES get to feel manly and provider-like when he is able to treat you. Instead of insisting on splitting a bill 50/50 (which is to deny him the opportunity to feel generous), tell him you bought tickets to (blah blah blah) and would like to take him, or cook him a meal, or do something else thoughtful. Not every male is a cheapskate, penny-pinching miser who expects exact splits on everything. I think (most) men just like to see that you are generous and kind, too, and that you appreciate him for being so sweet. Who doesn't like to be spoiled now and then?

That said, I think expensive birthday gifts after only dating a couple of weeks is inappropriate. Tell him to select one thing for you to have, and take the rest back, because you can't afford to reciprocate in kind.

[Wakeup]

... Ugh ...

I can't believe what I'm hearing. Op has said it makes her uncomfortable the way he insists on paying.. that she dislikes when he won't let her treat sometimes. That his gift giving is over the top, yet some (most) still insist that she suck it up and let him. As I said... Ugh.