My bf spends too much money on me!

[Sonrisa]

Why would you feel guilty because he wants to treat you? Some people are generous by nature, and he DOES get to feel manly and provider-like when he is able to treat you. Instead of insisting on splitting a bill 50/50 (which is to deny him the opportunity to feel generous), tell him you bought tickets to (blah blah blah) and would like to take him, or cook him a meal, or do something else thoughtful. Not every male is a cheapskate, penny-pinching miser who expects exact splits on everything. I think (most) men just like to see that you are generous and kind, too, and that you appreciate him for being so sweet. Who doesn't like to be spoiled now and then?

That said, I think expensive birthday gifts after only dating a couple of weeks is inappropriate. Tell him to select one thing for you to have, and take the rest back, because you can't afford to reciprocate in kind.

depends on his finances too, nothing wrong with expensive gifts if it doesn't hurt his wallet

[Wakeup]

depends on his finances too, nothing wrong with expensive gifts if it doesn't hurt his wallet

... *coughs* ...

oh please, why bother

[chica]

Thanks everyone for the advice I'm not incredibly sure about his finances, but I know that he has a full-ride to college and he also has an apprenticeship. I think he is in a pretty good financial situation, but I can't see that justifying spending that much money on me so soon.

I was thinking about giving some of the gifts back, but I don't know how to do that without hurting his feelings. Also, I don't know how to make it less of a hassle for him, because if I returned them, he would have to take them back to the stores he got them from. I would do it myself but I don't know where he got everything or if is refundable.

I told him that the next time we went out, I was paying because I wanted to treat him I've been trying to be firmer about me paying. I've already told him that I feel bad for him paying for everything, but he's told me not to worry about it and that he would feel bad if he didn't pay. I think he was just trying to be a "gentleman".

Anyway, I wouldn't know how to return the gifts without hurting his feelings. I think he put a lot of thought into them and I don't want him to think that I don't like them or think that I'm rejecting him. I appreciate his generosity but I also appreciate small things; I think they mean more than the big ones I've never been materialistic and I've always felt guilty about people spending money on me when I feel like I don't give back in return.

[IncognitoSir]

oh please, why bother

Because she knows it's the right thing to do and she's feeling guilty about it.

[MaidenMinx]

Sounds like you found yourself a sweet heart.

If he wants to be a gentleman, please don't try to break him of that. There are so few gentlemen left in the world and we need every single one of them.
Also if he is a gentleman, he is probably looking for a lady. If you are that type of female, do the lady like things for him. Surprise him with lunch if you can. Cook for him. Next time you are at his place, run the vaccuum cleaner over the floor for him or dust a shelf or 2.

Now before anyone jumps on me about this being the 21st century, I would just like to state there is nothing wrong with sticking to the traditional roles in a relationship if that is what is going to work for you and your partner.

[lahnnabell]

Because she knows it's the right thing to do and she's feeling guilty about it.

What you think is right may be entirely different from what someone else feels is right. She's already shown her concern, but if he insists then it's his word really. I agree with vash that you can do plenty of incredibly kind favors for him that don't involve paying for dinner.

[vashti]

What you think is right may be entirely different from what someone else feels is right. She's already shown her concern, but if he insists then it's his word really. I agree with vash that you can do plenty of incredibly kind favors for him that don't involve paying for dinner.

but please don't clean his house unless he marries you first! he will see you as a momma, and not a girlfriend!

[MaidenMinx]

but please don't clean his house unless he marries you first! he will see you as a momma, and not a girlfriend!

Really? I would never have assumed this. I would have thought he would see her as someone who knows how to clean, which is a scarily under-taught skill these days.

[doppelgaenger]

but please don't clean his house unless he marries you first! he will see you as a momma, and not a girlfriend!

Yeah, be a lazy slob! That's how you get a guy to marry you!

[DannyH]

He must be a "nice" guy! When you break up with him (which you will do because you'll get bored with him and his insistance that he give, give, give) He'll likely come to a forum board like this one and tell everyone how you took, took, took and then didn't love him, had the nerve to leave him and his "generosity."

I will bet money on this just because he feels bad about letting you pay.

I don't see why it matters. If he wants to pay let him pay, it's his money. Money is the last thing on my mind in relationships, I don't keep track of how often I've paid or when they've paid, it's just money, it comes and goes. Don't worry about it so much, it's really unimportant.

As it should be until its not there that's when money matters can make or break a relationship.

but please don't clean his house unless he marries you first! he will see you as a momma, and not a girlfriend!

I find a women that cleans my place more creepy then anything. Course there is rarely anything to clean but it is creepy. Our place we both clean, my place I clean. Unless its the dishes. Whoever cooks doesn't do the dishes. (not on dates though that would be kinda screwed lol)

He could be just a gentlemen(highly highly doubt it) but the way you describe it is a little over the top a little too soon. Yeah traditional roles are still cool but if its over the top its over the top. Really nice seeing somebody at laest trying to do something to fix what makes them uneasy.

[Henry123]

Hey guys Okay, I know this sounds strange because many girls WISH they had this problem! But my boyfriend and I recently started dating and he spends a lot of money on me. We usually go out to eat and I try to pay the bill, but he says that he would feel bad if I paid, so he always picks up the tab.

My birthday is coming up and he got me a cake and some expensive presents (or at least they looked expensive.) We've only been dating a couple of weeks and I feel bad that he went to all that trouble!

This guy seems really sweet and the things he does are heartfelt. Maybe gifts are his way of expressing emotion but it makes me feel extremely guilty whenever anyone spends money on me! Also, I feel as if I "owe" him something now. I don't know if he has ulterior motives by spending so much (like wanting sex, etc.).

How do I tell my bf to not spend so much money on me? I can't convince him to let me pay, and I don't want to hurt his ego...

Also, I think he is in a financially stable situation but it still makes me feel guilty never chipping in my fair share when we go out. He is also from another country where men paying for everything is more common because (according to him), the women hold higher expectations for men haha

Tell him he should be saving up his money for something bigger ---like a house.

[chica]

lol well I wouldn't really clean his apartment; first of all, it's spotless! And I find it weird to rummage through people's things when I'm cleaning them....kind of an invasion of privacy, don't you think?

Anyway, I just don't know how to tell him that everything was too much too soon without hurting his feelings. Because he really might just be a gentleman; I don't really know him well enough to say if he is or not. But he has done other gentlemanly things; he cooked me dinner once and he really went to a lot of effort to do it It was a pretty elaborate dinner....

But I just don't like the feeling of feeling like I am not contributing to the relationship. I am also worried that he expects sexual favors because he treats me well, but at the same time, we have talked about sex and boundaries, and he would never insist on doing anything I wasn't comfortable with.

I think that he is also used to spending a lot of money because as far as I know, his financial situation permits it. He goes out to eat pretty frequently and spends on other things (For example, I thought it was stupid when he bought a bottle of water at the movie theater for five bucks, but he probably didn't think much of it!). So maybe he doesn't really consider everything that he's done 'over the top', but I don't know how to get across to him that it seems over the top to me without seeming rude.

Also, that is something that concerns me....he hasn't really saved a lot of money because he is so used to spending. He's not in debt (as far as I know), but he doesn't save much. But then I feel picky for over-analyzing his money habits when I haven't even known him for a month :O

[vashti]

Why do you keep harping on your "not contributing" to the relationship? Is your only value monetary? He obviously doesn't think that, and it is kind of sad if you genuinely don't think you have anything else to offer.

If you want to tell him to spend less in a kind way, tell him you don't want to give the impression that he is only valuable to you when he is buying you something, and that it makes you uncomfortable.

Also, I don't think it is wrong that you are noticing his spending habits after a month. In fact, I think it is smart that you DO. If you ever want to get married in the future, it is important to see clearly how your partner handles money.

Yeah, be a lazy slob! That's how you get a guy to marry you!

Why would SHE be lazy if it is HIS house that is dirty?

[lahnnabell]

but please don't clean his house unless he marries you first! he will see you as a momma, and not a girlfriend!

Good call! When I moved in with my guy I made it very clear that we would clean together. He knows when to put down the iPad and help me. I do the dishes when he cooks for me. He's supporting me until I start my job and still tells me that he needs me more than I need him. He freaks me out sometimes.

[Mathias]

Also, that is something that concerns me....he hasn't really saved a lot of money because he is so used to spending. He's not in debt (as far as I know), but he doesn't save much. But then I feel picky for over-analyzing his money habits when I haven't even known him for a month :O

You are picky. It's his money - he can do with it what he wants. It's not very nice to criticize him for it.