After 3 years: GF less into me the past weeks

[LoneWolfie]

Thanks lahnnabell, though i would like to ask to be sure: Is this approach valid even if she wants a break over the specific reasons she stated?

- Feeling guilty over "dragging" me to another country when she moves back to hers after her uni finishes.
- Feeling scared over being a little less into me and worrying if it might become worse in the future.
- Feeling like she's waisting my time if the guilt and emotional distance between us get worse in the future, in the long term.
- Feeling like she's not special or good enough and that i'm better off without her.

If yes then i'll go no-contact unless she has something of value to say. And then i'll only reply out of politeness rather than interest.

[lahnnabell]

I think those are only partial reasons for her hesitation. It serves as a really solid excuse for all of her her behavior and she's milking it. I think she's also been bored for a while, but I'm sure she thinks that being honest with you will only hurt you. But if you two can't be completely honest with one another, then your relationship will eventually fail. Her boredom was evident before the issues of moving to another country even came up in your thread.

When I want space from my boyfriend, it's because I'm bored. I need time and space away from him so that I can continue to appreciate it when he is in my life. I'm a very social, active person and I need various kinds of stimulus to stay entertained. I know this about myself so I give myself a ton of outlets. I work full-time managing a restaurant (great for people who love people), I go out to concerts, clubs, and bars with my lady friends. I practice yoga. I read. I love to try new food and drink (it's like homework for work).

When my boyfriend and I spend time together we try to go out as much as we stay in. Our schedules are sometimes totally opposite, so we have to work out loose game plans (and we live together!) We live in San Diego so we can spend the day walking around Balboa Park and other nice neighborhoods, Hillcrest is our dominant gay neighborhood, La Jolla is one of our beautiful beach side communities, Downtown is full of bars and clubs and restaurants. We go to North Country (San Diego County is huge) where there is farmland, vineyards, etc. We love to explore. Sharing new experiences together is one thing that keeps us interested in being together. Sure, we have plenty of downtime when we sit and watch Family Guy reruns and eat pizza.

Gotta find a balance.

[LoneWolfie]

Yeah, i think she might have "OD'd" on time together with me. Time for her to go cold turkey so she can appreciate getting punctured by my needle again from time to time.....that metaphor went somewhere horrible.

[lahnnabell]

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's just as much her fault as yours, and really no one is to blame. Every relationship begins hot and heavy. You can't wait to see each other every single day, but as you get comfortable with that person it naturally becomes less exciting. Especially after 3 years and even more especially when you guys aren't doing anything of interest. Going to bars and then going home gets really boring after a while. Even clubbing can get monotonous if it's all that you do.

She's obviously a social butterfly in ways that you are not. She doesn't have to be sorry for that (deep down I think she wants you to go out and get a life, but she's not sure how to say it) and she shouldn't put pressure on herself to check in with you every night that she's not with you (and vice versa). That's just a recipe for a controlling disaster of a relationship.

In my experience, all my boyfriends have been pretty simple creatures when it comes to routine. Eating, drinking, gaming, watching sports... They are all activities that took up most of my boyfriends' (including exes) time. Over time I grew and developed many interests and realized I needed more than just a few outlets to satisfy me. I think all people do, but they're always afraid to take that first step because it's unfamiliar. I think you'll be surprised if you give yourself the chance to enjoy a new hobby (one that doesn't leave you sitting by the computer or your phone ideally).

[LoneWolfie]

I'm not being too hard on myself. I believe that between my full time job, studying for extra IT training, videogaming, seeing friends/family, going out, doing daily housework, jogging/cycling and doing various things with my GF i was leading a busy enough life. If that makes me too boring for her than she's not the one for me and she is the one losing the most out of this. Sure i could have done more various things with her but 90% of the time she doesnt give ANY input in what to do together and most of the new stuff i come up with. So yeah if this is a result of boredom than it's ATLEAST as much her own fault as i often enough ask her for input. I think me visiting my friends once a week is enough for my own liking, how i spend my time without her should not matter a darn thing to her as long as i dont do anything dangerous or inappropriate. Which is something she has said herself several times the past 3 years.

I just hope that she comes to this conclusion before she jumps in bed with another guy.

[lahnnabell]

I'm not being too hard on myself. I believe that between my full time job, studying for extra IT training, videogaming, seeing friends/family, going out, doing daily housework, jogging/cycling and doing various things with my GF i was leading a busy enough life. If that makes me too boring for her than she's not the one for me and she is the one losing the most out of this. Sure i could have done more various things with her but 90% of the time she doesnt give ANY input in what to do together I think me visiting my friends once a week is enough

I just hope that she comes to this conclusion before she jumps in bed with another guy.

Good. And yes, she most definitely could have helped add some flavor to the time you spent together. It's not fair for her to expect that you will do all the work when she was barely giving you the time of day in the first place.

[LoneWolfie]

Actually, i didnt mention this before. But the first 2 years or so she was the clingy dependant one. Whenever i did something alone or "with the boys" she would pout so to speak. She neglected all her friends in order to be with me all the time. I didnt mind it much though i missed doing things by myself or my friends sometimes.

It would be ironic if roles were "reversed" and she got bored with me while i was the one that did 90% of the effort in deciding what stuff to do, together or with friends. Sure, i could have come up with more romantic or new interesting things. But i thought we were both quite happy with the stuff we already did. Whenever i ask her what she wants she just shrugs and says "anything you would like, as long as we do it together, that's enough enjoyment for me."

[LoneWolfie]

Well it seems my (ex)girlfriend was "ruddy pissed off" at me accepting the underwear photoshoot pictures from that new female friend i had made last week. I added this new girl to my MSN after talking a few times to her on Facebook. She got curious how i looked so i showed some of my every day pictures, in return she asked if i wanted to see some pictures of an underwear photoshoot she was proud of and showed her mom earlier. I figured if she showed her mom underwear photoshoot pictures it wouldnt be so bad. Well when i saw the first pictures i knew i made a mistake and that they were more 'sexy' than i thought.

She still hasnt fully forgiven me. My promise that i wouldnt do something like that again and be more careful helped a little bit. As far as i remember this was the first time i ever did anything even remotely close to something inappropriate while in a relationship.

So i told her about it last week just after it happened and showed her the entire conversation, and the pictures themselves. At first she asked if i found i did anything out of line, since i felt i corrected my mistake i initially said no.
Today we sadly ended up arguing about it, dispite trying to go NC on her, and i asked her if she thought i would seriously have done something like that if i know the pics were as bad as they were. She said she believes i wouldnt, but that it didnt change the fact that i did.

Imo, she's overreacting and being childish about this, and using it as an excuse to vent all the bottled up doubts she had about the circumstances of our relationship. Definately time to go full NC on her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You know that means not responding to her right?

[LoneWolfie]

You know that means not responding to her right?

Correction, i meant not initiating any contact with her. And only responding if she seems to be acting normal or reasonable again....maybe.