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Thread: Seems interested to me, but tells friend otherwise

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    1

    Seems interested to me, but tells friend otherwise

    So a little background check:

    Have been dating a girl for close to 2 months. Always seems interested and wanting to be with me, and if asked will say she's happy where she is. She came out of a long relationship throughout high school, and started dating me very soon after. Her ex was devastated with how quickly they fell apart and how quickly she starting dating someone new.

    Flash forward to a week or so ago and she starts telling me of some drama she somehow found herself in where her ex is starting to see someone new, and that girls ex is now trying to talk to my girlfriend as some sort of revenge scheme. No worries there, I trust that she done and over her ex, and has zero interest in the guy who is trying to talk to her.
    Also about a week ago, she goes out with an old male friend, who she assures is just a friend, to talk and catch up. Again I trust her there, no worries. Now back to the drama she found herself in, and probably where I made a small mistake; the Facebook stalk.
    I check her messages on a computer with her account left open. I wanted to check to make sure none of the outside parties were giving her a hard time, or doing anything inappropriate towards her. I verify she is disinterested in the whole situation and thinks its a joke. She does however, in a conversation to the male friend, when asked how things are between her and I, reply with "ehhhhh, its ok lol".
    Enter your advice.
    I am somewhat confused by this comment as I am interpreting it as she will just always tell me she is happy no matter what to avoid any sort of problem, and when asked by a friend, she reveals the truth. Only a few explanations I can think of, only one of which I can justify not being upset about.
    1) Her old male friend is a mutual friend with her ex (not sure if this is true or not) and doesn't want to say if and how happy she is to avoid upsetting or hurting the ex.
    2) This is her true feelings. She feels as if it is "ehh ok" because I do care about her and treat her better than I do anyone else in my life, but doesn't feel as though I am truly compatible with her, and is just in a relationship to be in one and to feel like she is cared for.
    3) She has some feelings for this guy, and is downplaying us to gain attention from the guy. In a message or two before this comment she does ask a question if he and his girlfriend are broken up now for good or not. That to me sounds makes me believe this explanation somewhat, but I really do feel like he is just a friend, and it may have all been part of conversation.

    So I am torn, I obviously don't want to bring this up to make me look like a psycho, but I am hurt and don't want to be in a relationship where the feelings are not mutual. So how do I go about this. Forget about it and say if I was never a psycho I would have never known and would just go on with the relationship being the way it is, seemingly happy? I am confused and would like some thoughts. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Surrey, BC
    Posts
    15,542
    The way you descibe it, it seems to me your relationship with her is just casual dating and not intense passionate, can't be away from each other type relationship. If you are at the 2 month level, and things are just OK and you two are not swooning over each other, well it is what it is......casual. In other words she is keeping her options open.

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