My heart

[confusius]

My heart is taking too much time to heal. I really want my heart to heal. Some may say "Ha! that's because you wrote the NC recently" but I know that's not it. I broke it because I couldn't take it anymore and it wasn't to beg for her to take me back. I liked getting news from her and for some reason it boosted my desire to move on because I want to show her I can do it without her. Our conversation was pleasant. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't fantasying about anything.

I have been thinking a lot about what direction I want to take in moving on. I don't know where to go. I think that's maybe what's blocking at this stage of my healing process. Someday I will be determine to cut her out completely, found a lot of good reasons to do so such as: there is still one of her exes who seems to be making a move on her. All her exes are still talking to her, and she has a boyfriend already. I want to make the difference. I want to leave and to never look back. She will remember me as her first love, but also as the guy who cried and begged a lot for another chance, and also as the ex who had enough guts to cut her out of his life.

But then, I want to be in touch with her. I know this can't be healthy right now and sometimes I find myself thinking that even if my move on, I will contact her. She has had such an impact on my life, how I see relationships now, understand people. She will be the first ex I will ever keep in touch with.

Agrrr! I don't know. I certainly have more healing to do. Went no contact for 2.5 months. Broke it to talk to her and I don't regret it because it was the first time in a long time I didn't beg or say anything related to the breakup. It was more casual and very short. I was the one to cut off the conversation. For some reason it made me feel good and it boosted up my thoughts of moving on with the intention of contacting her from time to time.

A lot will see something wrong with what I said and I understand. I will not take any comment in a bad way. I just had to vent this and any feedback is appreciate.

PS: I think she hasn't really changed. Another reason for me to move on and never try to get her back. If people have a real sixth sense, mine is telling me she is going to either hurt another person, either her bf or one of the exes, or maybe she is going to get badly hurt. Anyway that's what I'm seeing going on with what she is doing.

[DarkHelmet82]

what helped me was medication and a psychologist. Maybe look into this. Also keep busy... I felt thje same as you.. like i would NEVER get over her.. I still think about her EVERYDAY but it doesnt bother me that much anymore..

You cant make her want to be with you no matter what you do.

[tremolo]

I feel similarly. I have absolutely no idea what my ex is up to, yet I miss him a lot. I miss him even though I know full well he should've treated me better than he did. It's pretty ****ed up, actually. I think I just miss the good things about him, because I can think of a LOT of ways in which I'm better off without him, and a lot of things about him that were pretty lame. The truth is, I was actually pretty bored (when I wasn't frustrated) in our relationship, so I'm kind of amused that I feel so nostalgic about it sometimes.

What helps me, when I start ruminating about the ex, is to remind myself what a catch I am, and then start imagining the lucky, amazing guy who's going to get to have me someday. I like to think he'll come into my life sooner than later. I pray he will. And I like to think that this breakup was a blessing in disguise. For all I know, it could've progressed another x months, x years, and then I would've realized I was profoundly unhappy because he wasn't meeting my needs, and never really did.

It can be hard sometime to concentrate your attention on someone who isn't yet known to you, but I think it's a lot healthier than focusing attention on someone who was bad for you, and isn't interested in having you in their life anymore.

DH is right than you can't make a person want to be with you. And I just think - my ex doesn't want to be with fabulous ol' me anymore? Well **** him. He deserves whatever lesser woman he has coming to him.

[DarkHelmet82]

my psychologist gave me a mental excercise that is helping me...

Imagine a wall.... you are behind this wall. Now break down the wall. How are you gonna break it down? Imagine maybe destroying this wall. Now climb through the hole in the wall. And on the other side is......... peace and happiness. At first it wont last that long but keep doing this until you are here permemntly.

good luck!

[deepika_16]

I surprised to hear you! You made a very good job for yourself only. As it says; "mistake is the way to success." You made a mistake and you will never have the same problem again. No matter if anyone ditched you badly and hurt you, you should be on your right way. Everything will show her the mirror images what she has done. Its a fact and I strongly believe in this. I wish for your better tomorrow. You should have strong believe in[URL="http://www.myboyisanidiot.com"] love, life and relations[/URL].

[Cerby]

Here is the thing, the only reason you want your ex to think of you like that is because in the back of your head you still think she cares about you. When you do truly heal, you'll realize you don't give a sh*t about what she feels or how she thinks of you. All this "I want her to remember. . ." is just your heart playing games with your head.

If you're a 2.5 months and still not over it, then she obviously meant a lot to you. But the truth is, SHE is over YOU, probably doesn't think about you at all any more, and probably doesn't care what you were to her. You need to get to this point, and thinking about her every day and breaking your own NC rules are completely the wrong direction.

You need to start actively healing, and not just hoping it will get there. Start rehab for your heart, go have a one night stand, get out and have some fun. She isn't in your life, she doesn't care what you're doing, and thinking about her daily is just wasting time on thoughts that aren't returned.


Harsh? Yes, and anyone who is crying for 3 months over an ex should get a harsh wakeup. Its over, move on, and give yourself the power to do it yourself.

[Horseyguy]

Great post Cerby

I'm getting there, slower than I would have liked but I'm definately heading in the right direction.

Been about 2.5 months for me now and I'm gutted that I'm still not over her and that she obviously meant something to me seeing as the way she treated me she really should have meant nothing

That's the bit I need to keep reminding myself of, that she doesn't actually deserve me to be missing her cos she really wasn't that good

[confusius]

Thank you all for your feedback. The truth is, I never thought it would take me this long one day to get over a girl. First breakup experience and I can ensure that I have learned a lot. I would trade it for anything. It's just sad that I lost someone I really had a good connection with in the process. I know it was a lack of communication and bad communication skills. Nothing more, nothing less. Too much arguments, too much stress, too much keeping inside. Those are only some of the things I learned during this hard time.

If you're a 2.5 months and still not over it, then she obviously meant a lot to you. But the truth is, SHE is over YOU, probably doesn't think about you at all any more, and probably doesn't care what you were to her. You need to get to this point, and thinking about her every day and breaking your own NC rules are completely the wrong direction.

I did love her very very much. There's no doubt about it. And she knows it. But I learned that everything is not about me. Truly, for me with or without NC it will not change much. That's what I have come to learn. And as I said before, it seems to make me understand more that it's over. There is no more "baby" and "I love you" and that, awake something in me that doesn't make me angry. But something that make me realize that there is no more chance. And that I can move on. It almost feels like I'm looking to forgive her for what she "has done to me", and I'm also looking for forgiving myself (I realized today after reading couple articles that it was forgiveness I was looking for).

You need to start actively healing, and not just hoping it will get there. Start rehab for your heart, go have a one night stand, get out and have some fun. She isn't in your life, she doesn't care what you're doing, and thinking about her daily is just wasting time on thoughts that aren't returned.

Trust me. That's all I have been doing. Going out and have fun; done it, but get home and wake up next morning she is in my mind. One night stand, not really my thing. At least I don't want it now. I want to deal with my shit and to get out clean and fresh. No matter how long it will take. Good thing is, it does no longer affect my potential in focusing on other things. I want her to remember things of me because it will help me too. It's no longer about her, but about what make me feel good and make me wanting to move on. If she remembers me the way I want, then I'm at peace. Even if she doesn't and I have done things and think she does, I'm still at peace. So it's again about me; not her.

My goal is to working on releasing my anger, and to directing my energy on things more productive. Since I read a lot about forgiveness, I think it's what I have been looking for I'm feeling really happy right now. Forgiveness is for me not for her. I want to be in peace with myself. I want to have no more regrets. Ghandi said �The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.� I'm strong and I want personal peace. That's exactly what I'm intending to do.

When move on, I may not contact her anymore I forgave her and myself and I'll be at peace. But this woman change my world and there's nothing anyone can say to change that fact. Memories of her will make me happy (one day). And when I will smile when thinking of her I'll know I might really talk to her again. If will be part of my life. Physically or not.

What helps me, when I start ruminating about the ex, is to remind myself what a catch I am, and then start imagining the lucky, amazing guy who's going to get to have me someday.

I did start to do it too. And it feels good. I KNOW, I'm a better person. And any girl who I'll date in the future will have to feel lucky. That's what I think. She will be a lucky girl because I'm mature now when it comes to relationships. I also feel like before I was going blindfolded.

I'm a better, stronger person. I just need to get through this and I will be set. I'm a more pessimist type of person. And I'm improving this to better my life. I hate when people ignore me, but you know what? It doesn't matter. "Everything happens for a reason" she used to say this all the time, and she is right.

[Mathias]

There are days I feel tinges of sadness about my ex as well. We broke up five years ago.

Acknowledge it for what it is, and then immediately distract yourself. The pain dies down over time. Then it just becomes "oh, that was sure nice" every once in a great while.