Help with boyfriend being inconsiderate

[MontyPython]

If someone could give me some advice about this, I would appreciate it. I feel that my boyfriend of three years has been very inconsiderate lately. There has been some smaller issues, like telling me at the last minute that he could not come see me after all. One of the things that has really been upsetting me is that lately there have been some things he has simply refused to do for seemingly no reason.

One instance happened a little while ago, but it really upset me at the time. I was meeting my boyfriend "Dave" and a few of our friends in a city I had not been to in awhile. I was nervous by myself, and Dave had promised that he and my friends would find me with no problem, since two of them lived there. I found the place we had originally agreed to meet at and was waiting when I got a call from Dave to meet them at X Street instead. Of course I had no idea where that was, and asked why they couldn't just come here. He replied, "I don't know. We just can't. Come as soon as you can." I begged him to ask our friends to at least move somewhere I knew how to get to, but he wouldn't do it. I still don't know why. I eventually found them, and I was mad at my friends, but I was more angry at Dave, since he should have stood up for me.

Another example happened on my birthday. We both just finished our freshman year of college at different schools. My birthday was in April, so I would still be at college. While talking on the phone with Dave he asked, "So since you aren't home should I bother getting you a present?" A little shocked, since I had managed to send a birthday present to his college, I said that he didn't have to but that I would appreciate it. He asked what I wanted, so I sent him an Amazon link to a somewhat rare DVD I wanted. He later told me the present would be late since he could not find it. Apparently, he did not want to buy it online, even though it was not that expensive, and sent his dad to look for it in stores near our hometown. I do not know why he did that, since he has a car and a very nice mall near his school. I told him I had previously looked for it in stores and never found it, so he eventually agreed to buy it online. After waiting awhile, I asked him about it since I had never received it. He said he had it sent to his own house in our hometown. When I asked why he did that, he said he had forgotten my school address and "wanted to get this done and finished." When I asked if he would mail it to me when he went home for the weekend he said he didn't feel comfortable doing that and would just give it to me when I came home for summer. Basically, I got my present about two months after my actual birthday. I would have understood if he had entered in the wrong address by mistake, but it upset me that he did it on purpose and made it sound like buying me a gift was a chore, when I managed to get him a nice birthday gift.

Just yesterday, he refused to do something else for me. I was going to pick up my sister Cindy from her job since she can't drive. Unfortunately, the car didn't start! I remembered that Dave was going to come over soon and that he would have to pass right by Cindy's work to get to my house. When I asked him, he said no, with no reason given. He wouldn't explain, and said he would see me soon. Cindy fortunately got a ride from a coworker. When he came over and I asked him about it, his only response was that he "thought it would be awkward." I have absolutely no idea why he said that. He and Cindy aren't best buddies, but they have had friendly conversations when he comes over. I have no idea why this was a problem.

There are other examples, but these three best explain what the issue is. I want to talk to him about it, but I am afraid of coming off as selfish for wanting him to do these favors for me. I know absolutely none of this was mandatory. He didn't have to meet me in the city, there's no rule that says me must get me a present in a timely fashion, and there is no rule that says he must pick up my sister, but I feel that as my boyfriend he should have, as I would have done for him. With the possible exception of the first example these favors would have taken little to no effort from him. Even then, he never explained why he didn't do these things, or gave very poor explanations, which makes me think that he is being inconsiderate and that he does not care. Should I bring this up? How can I do it without looking selfish and that all I care about is him doing favors for me?

[cggirl87]

It seems like your boyfriend dosent want to be bothered with you right now. You have to find out what is the reason. He could be seeing someone else or he could be comfortable in the relationship since its been three years. Sometimes people get comfortable in relationships and think they dont have to break their neck to do the things they used to do or something as simple as a favor. I think you should ask him why has he been acting different lately? It sounds his new attitude just started. He may get offended when you ask but all you can do is ask.

[smackie9]

When a guy starts to be inconsiderate, that usually means he is getting tired of the relationship.

[98db]

In my last relationship, I handled your situations a little differently.

1. Her truck broke down in a snow storm so I arranged to have a car pick her up and take her to get a rental car that I paid for the week.
2. She asked me to download a CD for her, but I couldn't find it so I bought the CD in a store and made MP3's like I downloaded it.
3. Her Mom had a delivery to receive so I went to her house with her (30 miles away) and helped unload a 200 lbs mounted bear out of a pickup truck.

Some guys are just wired differently.