Being Good to your woman

[survivor08]

This thread is tunring out comical.

In my 20s (I got married at 28) I had my share of women by being emotionally unavailable, and a bit selfish (I was considered good looking, a leader amongst my friends etc.) so that worked for me good then. A friend still reminds me that I've seen more ass than a public toilet seat.

Now at my age, one matures a lot, thus I consider myself a better person (thus a good guy) I am no door mat.

I started this thread because I was introspective about the topic.

And the lady is still around, she didn't walk away (for now) As a matter of fact, she did stop by to spend the night after she was done dancing etc. etc.

Recently I reminded her that she doesn't get confused that I am NOT looking at her for just friendship, "I have friends"

I just wanted females input on the subject. One can't go on being a self serving jerk just to get tail, that is no good way to carry on good karma.

I'm staying out of this one Incongnitosir. OP I'll be back when I find the link to the other post just like this one that is about 5 pages long. Read it and hopefully you'll learn something.

I will say that if your goal is to just **** and chuck as many women as you can and go single for the rest of your life the listen to Mwahhahah. If you want to be in a relationship of substance with someone then you need to change up your "overdoing."

Incognito has it right if you're looking for something meaningful with someone who has more self worth than to keep ****ing a guy that treats her like shit. Trust me, you want a woman with good self worth if you want a happy union.

I'll be back with that link.

P.S. Beware of gold digging women, entitlement princess women, and women who EXPECT you to pay for everything and every date.


That would be the guy with the ability to say "no" to a woman and I assume you don't really mean "jerk" but that you aren't a pushover.

"Being yourself" is still being yourself if you learn to not be a push over or a walk-upon kinda guy. Where ever you go, there you are. So encouraging a milquetoast to continue in that behaviour and to just be like that doesn't make sense to me.


Here it is: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/56246-why-nices-guys-unlucky-love.html[/url] (for someone who said they were'nt getting into this one, this is one long-ass post

[Wakeup]

This thread is tunring out comical.

In my 20s (I got married at 28) I had my share of women by being emotionally unavailable, and a bit selfish (I was considered good looking, a leader amongst my friends etc.) so that worked for me good then. A friend still reminds me that I've seen more ass than a public toilet seat.

Now at my age, one matures a lot, thus I consider myself a better person (thus a good guy) I am no door mat.

I started this thread because I was introspective about the topic.

And the lady is still around, she didn't walk away (for now) As a matter of fact, she did stop by to spend the night after she was done dancing etc. etc.

Recently I reminded her that she doesn't get confused that I am looking at her for just friendship, "I have friends"

I just wanted females input on the subject. One can't go on being a self serving jerk just to get tail, that is no good way to carry on good karma.

"Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent." Nietzsche

... lol ...
I see you read the other thread

[survivor08]

You make good sense of your threads. I side with your opinions BTW. I am a good guy. Last night I had dinner with a lady friend (who is very obvious she is interested in me) and paid for dinner. She invited me to a festival and at which point I would expect her to pay since she invited me. A "nice guy" would go....no let me pay.....

You didn't read it all then. Being nice is a good trait. Being the dreaded "nice guy" is not. A guy being nice will bring her a beach umbrella. A nice guy will stand there and fan her ass if it's real hot out and when she tells him "you don't have to do that" he insists on making an ass out of himself by continuing to fan her. (as an example).

Seriously, what does that even mean?

[survivor08]

Wrong assumption. When we first got together I told her I wanted a clean slate. That she had to be over her last relationship. I am not her rebound.

In OPs case I don't think him being a nice person (or not) had much to do with the outcome of that partictular relationship. The fact that he didn't suss out that she wasn't over her last lover was his downfall and he allowed himself to be her rebound. Had he paid attention to her likely pre-occupation with still talking about her ex (as an example) and distanced himself until she was healed and over the guy, then the outcome might have been different for him.

[survivor08]

I side with you here.

There are other factors that are taken into account when a good guy may not cut it, a girl may be looking to

be kept as a princess (example) and upheld to a lifestyle and wants the new SO to pick up the bill (a wallet) and the good guy, while being a good guy, doesn't have a big enough wallet....
be a damsel in distress because she may be stressed about work, job security, financial pressures etc. etc.
has trust issues
etc. etc.

The OP worry was about what's the boundary at which being too nice can backfire. CORRECT

Any woman that wants to keep testing you, that will push you around in order see how much you can take, a woman that wants you to put her in her place and consider you too nice is not a woman worth having a meaningful relationship with. CORRECT AGAIN

[Wakeup]

Wrong assumption. When we first got together I told her I wanted a clean slate. That she had to be over her last relationship. I am not her rebound.

Ahh... but you worded it as though you lost to her due to you not sussing out that she was still very much emotionally connected to the ex.

I get the feeling being a nice guy got me second place to another man in her not so distant past....meaining, I am nicer to her, but didn't necessary win her over more.....

[FeelingCalledL]

Just one last comment by me based on my experience.

Men can be ultra nice and good as long as they don't become plain, predictable and boring. That's what kills most nice guys.

Also when things go wrong don't get aggressive but assertive.

My 2p

[LeHannes]

Can you give some examples of when one becomes plain, boring and predictable?
I think I did it myself and would appreciate something concrete to begin working on :O
There are so MANY things or situations one could become like this in, just a heads-up so i know in which direction to walk.
Can it be like reactions to certain situations or something?

[survivor08]

I think you have to continue to grow as a person. Experience things so you can continue to become more aware about the world, and those around you. For example, Some women are very impressed that I am so active in life. I give you an idea.
I travel lots for business, and also do adventure trips for pleasure. I surf (have done it for like 20 years) I go to the gym 3-4 times a week to stay fit so I can still be active. I do 12 mile round trip hikes up to mountains, I do some rock climbing, (free and sport) I am spiritual, I can ride a horse, set up a tent site, cook, fix my own cars, and lately I've become a pretty darn good salsa dancer (have taken classes for 2 years.)

see where I am going? Keep growing as a person, become interesting.

Can you give some examples of when one becomes plain, boring and predictable?
I think I did it myself and would appreciate something concrete to begin working on :O
There are so MANY things or situations one could become like this in, just a heads-up so i know in which direction to walk.
Can it be like reactions to certain situations or something?

[survivor08]

Good one. I have worked really hard at controlling my emotions/fears etc. and be less aggressive and more understanding, patient, (always assertive) My ex wife called me a terrier while we were married, because terriers in the dog world are aggressive, and strong headed, strong willed.

Also when things go wrong don't get aggressive but assertive.

My 2p

[IndiReloaded]

My ex wife called me a terrier while we were married, because terriers in the dog world are aggressive, and strong headed, strong willed.

Is this why you ended up divorced? No offense, but I'm always a bit skeptical of divorced ppl giving relationship advice. You may have mentioned your story, I simply can't remember.

[LeHannes]

Thank you for answer, I get the way you are going in.
Any female posters, could you pitch in too?
I am intrigued to see more viewpoints

[mwahahaha]

Salsa dancing, riding horse? 12 mile hikes to fckn mountains, carrying chairs to beaches. Why are you surprised this bird left you. You have no energy to hump her properly. Women dont care all that shite, really. Go back to being the terrier, this new image will ensure you never get a classy piece of ass ever again, you have been warned...

[qwertz]

Salsa dancing, riding horse? 12 mile hikes to fckn mountains, carrying chairs to beaches. Why are you surprised this bird left you. You have no energy to hump her properly. Women dont care all that shite, really. Go back to being the terrier, this new image will ensure you never get a classy piece of ass ever again, you have been warned...

You are my new favourate poster.

[FeelingCalledL]

You are my new favourate poster.

I second this!