could i have some advice please - getting a girl

[bluewahoo]

i'm 18, and met a girl a few months back and we are friends, i just hope we are not friends too far because i really like her, and want to take it further!

I have her number.

I'm quite shy, i haven't been out with her on my own yet, as i said, i'm quite shy, and don't have the guts to ask her encase she says no, but i do go out with friends and she comes along, there are other girls there too, and we do stay together for quite a while and chat...

I want to text her to try and get a bit closer and more comfortable, just wondering what ideas i could use instead of the "hey whats up" etc that usually happens?!

How to be a bit flirty in texts without making it damned obvious that i like her....

Also, what would be some good date ideas if/when i do ask her? don't really want to do cinema, want something more original....

We like close ish, but not walking distance, about a 15/20 minute drive, if i am over there, would it be weird texting or ringing and asking if she fancied lunch etc? I don't want to creep her out, and i don't want to loose her as a friend cause that would be seriously awkward going out with mates in the future lol!

Thanks for any help!!

mat


So what could i text just for convo starters?

[Cerby]

How to be a bit flirty in texts without making it damned obvious that i like her....

This is your problem, you WANT it to be damn obvious you like her, and furthermore, you want to appear confident doing so. We can't grow your balls for you, but we can give you advice.

Chicks dig confidence, and in my experience, I have had far more success just going straight for it telling a girl I want to date her and asking her out than I have ever had kinda lurking in the shadows, having spotty text conversations, and simply wasting my time. I didn't learn this until I was in my mid 20's, and it also explains why I was single for a long time in my late teens/early 20s. I didn't have the balls to make life happen, I just waited for it to come to me.

DO NOT fear rejection, guess what, it happens more often than not. If she is your friend she'll let you down easy. Call, don't text, and ask her to hang out with just you and go do something casual, mini-golf, walk, coffee. If she agrees, the activity is where you tell her you're interested in dating.

Good luck, but if you're confident, you won't need it.

[bluewahoo]

Thanks for your reply. How can i ask her out on a date just going for a walk somewhere etc? in person? call? text? facebook?

Call or in person be the best?

We are all going for a walk on friday, how could i mention something to her then, bear in mind i'll be with my friends & her friends?

Thanks

[lucid]

Cerby's reply is FANTASTIC! It's a lot better to take the risk of a minor embarrassment and learning experience if she rejects you, then to keep stressing out about it and never making a move. Trust me, you'll regret not going for it a lot more.

Asking her in person would be ideal, in my opinion. It's hard to give you any "original" date ideas without knowing what your interests are or what's nearby. You can always ask her what she's doing after the group disperses. I think the easiest way in this situation is to bluntly tell her you want to spend some time away from the group with her - whether that means a walk, dinner, skydiving, whatever floats both your boats. It may be a lot more natural if your first one-on-one time is immediately before or after a group hangout.

My boyfriend and I started dating in a somewhat similar situation. We met at work and as part of a group of coworkers/friends outside of work. We both held secret crushes on each other for several months. Finally he offered to drive me to and from a party with mutual friends and it was just him and I on a long car ride. It all basically started there. We have been together for almost 3 years now. I have to admit I was the one who made the first real move but I can't imagine what my life would be like now if I never took that chance!

[QueenofHearts92]

Cerby's reply isnt all true; yeh, push yourself a little more but not all "chicks dig confidence"??

I was in the same situation with a guy. My best friend is dating his flatmate, so everytime we were together, our mates were there. Until one night he pulled me aside and said we should just do something, and when i asked what he meant, he said we should go somewhere/do something, with just us not the other two. He is very shy when it comes to things like that, and he wasnt confident it was more spontaneous than anything. I think he reassured himself by saying "I just think we should, if you dont its fine i just think we should see how things go on our own...lets just do something random" and we ended up driving to a local lake and taking a walk through the woods. We went on four dates after that and he's been my boyfriend ever since (13 months).

Just throw it out there and mention that you want to just see how it goes, if she doesnt want to try things out then appreciate the fact that she told you and dont think it about it being awkward from then on. Emphasize the fact that its just for the two of you and discuss what random things you can do. I wish you all the luck in the world, cause you seem like a nice guy whose interested in a girl <3 x

[Yet another guy]

@QueenofHearts92
You're in the minority. I've never met a girl who didn't have a problem with my lack of confidence.

[lahnnabell]

Maybe Queen is referring to guys that have so much confidence that it comes off as douche-baggery. There's a perfectly sound way to be confident in your approach to a girl without looking or acting like a complete jerk. That's why it's important to practice as Cerby is saying. You learn to balance it.

[Agent85]

This is your problem, you WANT it to be damn obvious you like her, and furthermore, you want to appear confident doing so. We can't grow your balls for you, but we can give you advice.

Chicks dig confidence, and in my experience, I have had far more success just going straight for it telling a girl I want to date her and asking her out than I have ever had kinda lurking in the shadows, having spotty text conversations, and simply wasting my time. I didn't learn this until I was in my mid 20's, and it also explains why I was single for a long time in my late teens/early 20s. I didn't have the balls to make life happen, I just waited for it to come to me.

DO NOT fear rejection, guess what, it happens more often than not. If she is your friend she'll let you down easy. Call, don't text, and ask her to hang out with just you and go do something casual, mini-golf, walk, coffee. If she agrees, the activity is where you tell her you're interested in dating.

Good luck, but if you're confident, you won't need it.

AMEN! Im in my mid 20's now and Im starting to relize this over time. As he said, just ask her out. The worst thing she will say is no. So what? Your pride will be bruised, however its not the end of the world. You will get over it. The more I got rejected, the more I could accept things and could cope better. Yes, it still stings but not as bad. It actually builds character, haha. Good luck to you. I would also suggest, grow a sack and put some nuts in there. You will have to do it sooner or later, so why not now?

[bluewahoo]

No i don't know if she's looking for a boyfriend. Doesn't really give any hints.

We went to a pub after the walk and i sat next to her, she did lean her leg on mine most of the time, and seemed to get quite close, but that might have been me doing that lol!

[bluewahoo]

anyone else?

[HeartIsAching]

Thanks for your reply. How can i ask her out on a date just going for a walk somewhere etc? in person? call? text? facebook?

Call or in person be the best?

We are all going for a walk on friday, how could i mention something to her then, bear in mind i'll be with my friends & her friends?

Thanks

Cerby's answer was spot on.

CALL, do not text. Tell her something along the lines of "I really liked your company last time I saw you, and I'd like to get to know you better. How about we get a coffee or something?" If she says yes, have HER choose where you'll go and when, that'll keep you from being pushy.

And yeah, just grow some balls and do it. You can't win if you don't play.

[HeartIsAching]

We went to a pub after the walk and i sat next to her, she did lean her leg on mine most of the time, and seemed to get quite close, but that might have been me doing that lol!

Even if it WAS you doing that, she didn't pull away. Clear signs, my friend. Go for it.

[bluewahoo]

You reckon? Don't want to cock anything up if shes not ready yet.

[lahnnabell]

I can't believe you haven't done it yet. Wait. Yes I can. Get going!

[bulrush]

I like the responses here. The only thing I do different is I use the word "date" so there is no confusion on her part. "Want to go on a date and get some coffee?" It shows I don't want to be her friend, I want more.