My past is interrupting my present...

[lahnnabell]

Brief rundown: This was my ex who left San Diego last year to move to NYC on a whim. We'd been together for a year when he suddenly decided a month out that he would be moving. We broke up last September when he left, and it was a long hard road to recovery after that. I went through hell for a while.

Anyway, my ex met someone and moved on, and so have I. It's still a sore spot obviously. One of the last times I spoke to him online he was drunk and spouting ridiculousness. He said things like he missed me and while it felt good, I knew it wasn't real. He spent enough time toying with my feelings while I was trying to get over him.

Got a little upset when he contacted me earlier today. I haven't been contacting him for months now as I've been busy with my own life, but every once in a while he contacts me out of the blue. He is going through a series of background checks right now for a federal job that he's been wait-listed for. He messaged me via Facebook to give me a heads up and we spoke cordially for 10 minutes or so before my boyfriend and I left for dinner.

In fact, I thought they'd already completed his background checks until he told me otherwise today. I kind of hope that they don't contact me because I really don't want anything more to do with him right now. He doesn't really have much of a choice in who his future employers contact though, or does he? I told my boyfriend about it and that it bothers me. He understood and reassured me that if it's just one more thing that I shouldn't worry about it and to just deal with it if the situation presented itself.

I'm still dealing with residual feelings of anger and hurt over my ex's leaving (among other BS he put me through). While he was never cruel, he was just a very careless boyfriend. And I keep feeling like there is always going to be one more hurdle to jump in my recovery. I really don't want this past hurt to hinder my current relationship. My BF is wonderful and supports me in every way. Any advice on how to get past this?

[cristie adison]

There was line i didn't remember the person who wrote it, ie, Relations are like thread Once they are broken they are broken If some how you want to fix it again definately it will contain a joint of separation..

[lahnnabell]

Here's an idea, stop talking to him. Hang up if he calls. Do wahtever it takes. Block him on Facebook. If his future employers call you, give him a bad rep, or, change your phone number. Stop victimizing yourself.

I'm not going to be a douche and give him a bad rep just because I'm a bit sore. Blocking him seems so childish too. Yes, I could change my phone number, but it's not as if he's harassing me relentlessly. I guess I'm really just more concerned with the residual feelings of resentment that I still feel. Even when I don't hear from him at all, those feelings are still there.

Giving him a bad rep isn't going to make me feel any better.

[Agent85]

Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you have moved on. Tell him that you dont want to talk anymore. Tell him the truth. Tell him to move on. Long distance relationships rarely work out anyway. He is just in denial and knows that it isn't going to work out. He is just trying to impress you. Dont waste your time with him.

[lahnnabell]

Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you have moved on. Tell him that you dont want to talk anymore. Tell him the truth. Tell him to move on. Long distance relationships rarely work out anyway. He is just in denial and knows that it isn't going to work out. He is just trying to impress you. Dont waste your time with him.

Well, that's the other frustrating part. He has moved on. Or at least it looks like it on paper. He's living with his new girlfriend and supposedly loves her and all that. A few weeks ago I was on FB early in the morning and he initiated a chat with me. The conversation started out fine, just catching up, but after several typos I realized he was drunk. He went off the deep end and said he still missed me. What the hell is that proving? I just kind of ignored it and nicely exited the conversation after I realized he was just going to stay stupid sh*t he probably didn't mean.

I was wondering if he was just doing it for the attention. I guess I tried to think he was better than that and give him credit for being a good person. He's just a bit stupid and careless though.

[Agent85]

You seem, like a sweet heart. Don't waste your time with him any longer. I know this sounds mean, but ignore him. He will just give up sooner or later. Every time you are talking to him, you enable him. Don't enable him. Don't be part of the problem, be a part of the solution.

[lahnnabell]

I get what you're saying. And I've been thinking over the last week or so that it's probably best to just completely sever all ties and not look back. I was under the impression that these background checks weren't chosen from a list of references he wrote down. It's a federal background check meaning they can look up anyone he's ever been in contact with and contact them of their own accord. Perhaps I am mistaken, but that's what he'd led me to believe. My boyfriend did a similar thing for a buddy of his a while back.

I thought that if I could just hold to no contact that I'd be fine. He doesn't seem to understand where the line is though. Interestingly enough it echoes of issues I've already faced with him. Maybe time somebody called him on his BS and let him think it over. I think it would feel good after all the time I did spend enabling him and disrespecting my own relationship needs.

[Georgianna]

Stop talking to him for the sake of your new relationship. My fiancé still says sometimes how much his ex hurt him when she dumped him and this hurts me. He doesn't talk to her an I know he doesn't want her back, but like you that hurt and resentment is still there. Your boyfriend is trying to be understanding, but really... If you are happy and love him you should not let some irrelevant past relationship still hurt your feelings. Try to forget about it the best you can and put him in the past where he belongs. Think about how happy your boyfriend now makes you now in the present. I try my very best to put my exes completely out of my mind when we break up, because I know from experience how hurtful and confusing it can be if your partner is still dealing with hurt over a breakup. If you don't talk to him at all it will be easier to forgive and forget.