In Vino Veritas

[survivor08]

Well,

This is the original thread.

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/55567-i-feel-like-she-kicked-me-nuts-still-took-high-road.html[/url]

Bottom line, and I shouldn't have....yes i know, but such is life sometime. I broke the no contact rule.

It all started night before July 4th, I was out at my favorite sunday hang out, she was there, I paid no attention, no "hi how are you?" stuff, walked right by her, and neither did she, but I guess a friend was saying how she kept a close eye as I was out having my fun (so was she)

I wake up at 6 am to see that at 4 am she sent me a text saying how quickly I moved on (she prob thought I was on to the next girl) I replied (my mistake) that she was mistaken, that I missed her and thought of her often....
text went back and forth, and she joined me at a friend's beach bbq get together. She had fun, she was affectionate, she was her old self, I was liking it, we talked about things, she confirmed how she has a problem trusting men, all men since her divorce over infidelity on her ex husband. Yes, she needs therapy or has to come around on this one.

We have talked about a few things, things going on in our lives, work, job security concerns on her part, career changes, she is really stressed out about it. She is opening up to some fears. Last night there was drama (hence the thread title) some things were said on both sides when I was stubborn and tried to take her with me from the club we were celebrating her birthday. (Foolish thing to do on my part i know.) I came home alone, she went home with her female friend whom drove her there to begin with. I sent her some texts letting her know how I felt about some things she had called me on, and reminded her that she can say all she wants, but her actions are different and this week she came over and stayed at my place 3 times this week. Actions speak louder than words.

Later today I called to apologize for my part of the drama, and she seemed over it, saying she was surprised how stubborn I was and determined. I asked if things were still cool between us, and she said yes, everything is ok, meaning just like they were before the drama, meaning she will come over and it is up to me and her to bring some level of closeness before we start boinking each other.

Yes she is who she is, I am not going to be her night in shining armor and slay her dragons, nor do I want that role, but I will help her through the job search part (the friend in me) and no, since there is no commitment, it is not going to stop me from having a social life. Tomorrow I will go a a day date with a lady friend who is very much interested, and next week while in am out in business travel, I will have a dinner date with a cute mid 20s girls I met there last time I was there....

I know I should not be invested emotionally with this woman, but my feelings are still there, and I have to be smart how I am going to handle this, if I don't see things going the way I want them to go, I am going to do the right thing and finish this relationship again. She knows I don't just want to be a friend, and want more, that I while I am a good guy to her, I also have demands that I must get from her in order for this to work out. I think she understands. If I end it, doing the right thing is a tough step but must be done, I know.

[Wakeup]

I'm not sure if the linked thread needs to be read before posting in this thread but I will say: Please have the decency to tell the other women (before you bed them) that your heart is with your ex, or current, or unfinished gf (whatever the appropo label would be for her). It's only fair to these women that are foolish enough to think that going to bed with a guy will make him pick her. They don't have a chance really when you're still so involved with the one you write about. Get that famous line "I'm not wanting a relationship at the moment" out there at least. (don't worry half the gals out there don't heed that red flag, unfotunately for them)

You don't seem to have a question nor do you appear to be looking for advice so I'll just give you my opinon.

On Edit: I just read the other thread and all I'll say is:

You Must be this tall ___ to ride on the emotional roller coaster she will be strapping you on.

Fasten your seat belt. it's going to be a bumpy ride.

[lahnnabell]

I agree. You don't have to needlessly break hearts along the way. It's great to get out and socialize, but don't lead anyone on for the sake of upholding an image in front of your ex.

And practice what you're preaching. No more trying to yank her out of clubs, or acting possessive, or being stubborn and rude about it. Also, if this relationship has any hope, she really is going to have to work on her trust issues. That isn't something you can control though.

[misombra]

I just read your original post and this lady sounds like a nutso. Nothing will please her. Sheßll have a hard time getting a guy who is not also a total nutso to be as into metaphysics as she is. That's because all that stuff is bullshit.

Are you one of those guys who finds yourself attracted to nutty people? Definitely might want to work on that. This lady will tear you down to shreds if you let her. Tell her to find somebody who is into the same stuff she's into and fits her mold and go find yourself a woman who's into the same stuff you are. Lots of women like camping and surfing.

[HeartIsAching]

I'm not sure if the linked thread needs to be read before posting in this thread but I will say: Please have the decency to tell the other women (before you bed them) that your heart is with your ex, or current, or unfinished gf (whatever the appropo label would be for her). It's only fair to these women that are foolish enough to think that going to bed with a guy will make him pick her. They don't have a chance really when you're still so involved with the one you write about. Get that famous line "I'm not wanting a relationship at the moment" out there at least. (don't worry half the gals out there don't heed that red flag, unfotunately for them)

You don't seem to have a question nor do you appear to be looking for advice so I'll just give you my opinon.

On Edit: I just read the other thread and all I'll say is:

You Must be this tall ___ to ride on the emotional roller coaster she will be strapping you on.

Fasten your seat belt. it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Yep. I had read the other thread when he originally posted it... and you beat me to it.

Have fun storming the castle!

[survivor08]

There wasn't an emotional roller coaster before, but I will proceed cautiously now that I know her better.

I do use a similar line with the women who ask me about "why don't you have a girlfriend?" I am far to busy and never home for a relationship. My goal is not to be bedding more women, nothing wrong with going on dates and getting to know people.

I'm not sure if the linked thread needs to be read before posting in this thread but I will say: Please have the decency to tell the other women (before you bed them) that your heart is with your ex, or current, or unfinished gf (whatever the appropo label would be for her). It's only fair to these women that are foolish enough to think that going to bed with a guy will make him pick her. They don't have a chance really when you're still so involved with the one you write about. Get that famous line "I'm not wanting a relationship at the moment" out there at least. (don't worry half the gals out there don't heed that red flag, unfotunately for them)

You don't seem to have a question nor do you appear to be looking for advice so I'll just give you my opinon.

On Edit: I just read the other thread and all I'll say is:

You Must be this tall ___ to ride on the emotional roller coaster she will be strapping you on.

Fasten your seat belt. it's going to be a bumpy ride.

[survivor08]

Honestly, I am not out to break hearts, I know the feeling and i don't want to impose that pain on someone. I am also not trying to uphold an image in front of my ex.

Yep, no more possessive behavior on my part, I am much more in control of my emotions when I lay off the beers. I am not betting she is ready to work on her trust issues, but I don't know if she is. Any self help books out there for her?

I agree. You don't have to needlessly break hearts along the way. It's great to get out and socialize, but don't lead anyone on for the sake of upholding an image in front of your ex.

And practice what you're preaching. No more trying to yank her out of clubs, or acting possessive, or being stubborn and rude about it. Also, if this relationship has any hope, she really is going to have to work on her trust issues. That isn't something you can control though.

[IndiReloaded]

Any self help books out there for her?

Why, so you can recommend to her? You are so trying to be her White Knight, whatever you say otherwise. My advice is still the same. She has too many issues and you don't sound all that emotionally invested in her. I predict you'll end up shredding your 'friend' if you push this. I'm not reading this as 'you've always loved her and want to marry her' (no surprise she sounds kinda nuts). Do you typically target emotionally vulnerable women for sex? You sound a bit like a player, Survivor. The 'I'm a charming nice guy' sort who only pretends not to want sex but ends up with more ass than a toilet seat.

[survivor08]

Um, there is a male side of me that wants to help, thus perhaps be a White Knight. I am trying to not be emotionally invested (or avoid being too wrapped up) in her, by not calling her in the same frequency as I used to. She doesn't call me as much, or actually calls me very little or at all, so that works as well. The self help book was an idea, but thinking about it some more, you are prob right about the shredding part. This is her issue, and it should be up to her on her terms to face it.

Targeting emotionally vulnerable women for sex? Come on. My game, the stuff that makes me interesting, does not make me a player. Why do you think she brought this up to my face? Her comments about her coming over and us not having intimacy? I want to make sure it feels right, thus I am retaking my time, and see where this goes. The more ass than a toilet seat survivor reference was for when I was in my 20s. I think it would be sad to be putting out the same effort to be out chasing tail just to add to my list of sexual experiences.

Why, so you can recommend to her? You are so trying to be her White Knight, whatever you say otherwise. My advice is still the same. She has too many issues and you don't sound all that emotionally invested in her. I predict you'll end up shredding your 'friend' if you push this. I'm not reading this as 'you've always loved her and want to marry her' (no surprise she sounds kinda nuts). Do you typically target emotionally vulnerable women for sex? You sound a bit like a player, Survivor. The 'I'm a charming nice guy' sort who only pretends not to want sex but ends up with more ass than a toilet seat.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, okay then Survivor. No sarcasm, noone should understand the situation better than you. I do agree w/you about letting her sort her own issues out.

[survivor08]

OK, I spent this week away. And very few texts went back and forth during the week. (She forgot my birthday but doesn't surprise me as I am getting to see this woman is self absorbed by her busy life and selfish nature. Yesterday during my delayed flight back home I called her to check how her week was going yada yada. And I told her that I wanted to see if we could hang out, go on a date later on today, Saturday. She said she would have to think about it, as she had things going on. OK, I know this would not have been a problem before our break up a month ago, but know things are different. I did ask her to please let me know early enough so I can make other plans if she couldn't see me today. I reminded her not to text me but to call me instead. I think she should have the decency to let me know no later than early afternoon. I will bet money she is going to call at the last minute given her recent track record.

I am thinking if she doesn't call it will be a sign of disrespect and lack of interest in seeing me, either way I have clearly reminded her to call me and let me know if she can or can't. It this happens, I may have to cut my losses and move on and go back to no contact as I don't want to feel like she may be using me for company when she has little going on during the week. Or maybe I'll wait till she calls again, and ease back on me calling her on texting her.

[misombra]

please call don't text is a bit controlling. you need to leave her alone. practice some self-control.

[survivor08]

We met for dinner last night. In the end, she reminded me how I remind her of her father so much (facial expressions, hands etc.) and that is one reason she can't feel intimate towards me she says (amongst some other things.) WTF? She can't get over that fact that it is how she feels. So I no longer do it for her as I did. (Ironic after earlier on the relationship she had told me, she had the best sex ever with me.) Antoher messed up thing is she compared me to one ex bf she had after her marriage (that she really cared for) as apparantly is her standard for feeling that spark....WTF, and says she wants to feel that way from her man, and while she did feel it from me at times, she can't get those feelings back she says...

So why do we hang out, when I reminded her frequently I didn't want to be just a friend. She says some bs line that maybe I could have gotten over that feeling, and we could be friends. I told her that was not the case. She also says that she is too busy to be in a relationship. How convenient it must be for her to want to be platonic friends with me, I can take her to dinner, listen to her, and pay for the tab, and treat her well.....

After she confirms to me once again, those feelings are gone, and that she can't get them back, because she knows herself, it was time to say good bye.

I asked her to please do not text, or call me, and to have a good life. A couple of my friends who know my story with this woman don't think this is the end of it. I am a bit sad today, but will just have to work on getting over it.....

[Wakeup]

Don't torture yourself by entertaining thoughts of this woman or being with her in ANY compacity. You want different things and she's told you as much. Don't settle for being "just" a friend, go zero contact and don't respond to her if she texts/calls you is my suggestion.

[survivor08]

No contact is the plan. But do I ignore her as if I never knew her when I see her in public some time in the future?




QUOTE=Wakeup;741661]Don't torture yourself by entertaining thoughts of this woman or being with her in ANY compacity. You want different things and she's told you as much. Don't settle for being "just" a friend, go zero contact and don't respond to her if she texts/calls you is my suggestion.[/QUOTE]