Jealousy, how to stop it... help?

[unknownguy]

Well, let's put it this way. I have some jealousy issues, even though when looking my situation logically I know I should not. Not to talk highly of myself, but I know I am very intelligent person. I am also a very analytical person. However, when this feeling of jealousy rears it's head I cannot seem to allow logic and reason to work as it should. I don't enjoy this feeling, it feels as if I am trapped in a endless series of negative thoughts.

It stems from a previous relationship I was in, I feel now as if I am using it as a defensive mechanism to make sure I do not get hurt as I once did, by pushing away the one I love. I have no reason to think she will ever betray me, but I find myself being jealous. She has a lot of male friends, which I was well of aware of before we got involved. Additionally, she is very social just as I am. However, these trigger these thoughts. We are very close, have been together quite awhile, and have spoken very seriously about marriage.

I don't want to get into the great detail that I can, but I am just looking for some general advice on how to stop this. Maybe some success stories. I am trying a reflective journal approach as of right now, and have talked to her about it as well. I don't want to be this person, I hate when I feel this way, I feel as if I am "that guy." I know, just as in any problem solving situation, that recognition of the problem is the first step.

I am yet to have any success with what I have attempted. Thanks in advance for any responses!

[bulrush]

I think perhaps you are taking your last breakup or relationship issues personally. Maybe you think that it was your fault that your gf broke up with you. Anyway, jealousy often stems from an insecurity of losing someone. You have to allow yourself to think, it's ok that things don't work out sometimes. It's no one's fault, sometimes people do bad things. If someone cheats on you, for example, they did you a favor because now you know they were no good for you. Turn something negative into something positive, like a learning experience.

How about some more details on why you think you get jealous?

[chirping]

jealousy has more to do with your self confidence than the other person.

the only way that's gonna go away is if you work on your issues and no one can help you but you

[guest1111]

The fact that she has male friends is nothing to worry about. It just means that she is outgoing and is a nice person to be around (good qualities). You should try your best to trust her though because I've been 'the jealous boyfriend' and it isn't good for either you or your girlfriend. Also, intellignece is not particularly significant here as your judgement cannot be unbiased. If your relationship is a happy one then it is fair to say your girlfriend probably thinks a lot of you and has absolutely no interest in other guys beyond friendship. Trust should be earned though, as blindly trusting everyone will lead you to get hurt. It is definitely a good thing that you can acknowledge the problem as your jealousy rather than blaming her. I'm sure over time you will realise more and more that you can trust her, just don't argue too much in the meantime. Best of luck.

[dhiemhie15]

Just keep the Trust to your love one and that will pull away that jealous feeling.

[dhiemhie15]

Love should be the cement and trust should be the foundation.

[amslucas]

I am the victim on one such jealous relationship and it has been hell. i have a very jealous spouse who suspects me on every turn...either with a grilfriend or a boyfriend. Beside this one great flaw he is really a great companion, husband and friend. but when he is in his jealous bouts...i become a mere possession and it becomes so frustrating. I have berated with him, cried to him and pleaded with him not to destroy this relationship by treating me a a thing. so far so good. but who knows when one of these jealousy spouts will once again strike? i have no guarantee.