Do I Care Too Much?

[adonis_boy]

Sorry for the long read. I would appreciate any help.

A week ago, my long-distance girlfriend was planning to go to campus to use the internet and we decided that she will let me know if she went there or not so that we could talk on Skype. At the time she was planning to be there, I didn't hear from her so I called her an hour later to hear that she went there with a friend and they were chatting so she forgot to text me. I did not get disappointed by this and thought that it is a one time thing: People can forget, so what? So I said no problem, it would be nice if you let me know but it's ok and moved on.

2 days ago, she got into a fierce argument with her mother and she was very sad and depressed. I did my best to help her over the phone and we talked like 30 minutes. Yesterday, she went out to meet a close friend and her situation with her mother was still unresolved. Knowing this, I sent her a text last night, to see if she is ok and everything's fine but I don't get a reply. Worried about her, I assume that something went wrong again with her mum so I call her after 3 hours. I find her watching a movie with her best friend at her place, drinking tea. I tell her I was worried about her and she asks me why? Then I say "Because I didn't hear back from you.". She says she forgot to reply and apologizes.

Because it is the second time she is doing this, I become disappointed and suddenly feel like I am caring for this girl more than neccessary. The truth is, I didn't enjoy worrying about her all night when she tells me she has serious problems with her family, later finding out that she is having a good time with her friend, leaving me worried. I have no problem with her having a good time and spending time with friends but I felt ignored after spending that much time to make her feel better. I even cut our conversation on the phone short earlier that day to let her enjoy her time with her friend.

I let her know about this and after we hang up, she sends me a very intimate apologizing text telling me she thinks about me all day long, she loves me very much, blah blah.

I feel like this is turning into a routine and I don't really like it. I don't know if I should make it this big of a problem but it is really bothering me with the distance involved. I have been really understanding until this time but I don't know if I should be anymore. I would love to get your objective opinions on this.

[Yet another guy]

In my opinion, you should never expect a response to a text message. It can always be lost or forgotten, as can the phone itself. I think you should treat it as a one way medium at least if it's important to get a reply. It's not smart to assume that something is terribly wrong if you don't get a response since there are so many more likely reasons why you didn't get it.

My bottom line is, don't use text messages if you need a reply and don't give a crap if you don't get it.

[bulrush]

I think she is rude and immature to treat you like that, and I think you should find someone else who will appreciate your sensitivity.

[Wakeup]

After two unanswered text messages you've come to this conclusion?

You must be wanting out of this relationship for some reason to let something so trivial make you so freaked out. Let her call or text you next. If she never calls or texts then break up with her because you need constant texting or calling and she does not so you'll never be happy and always trying to control when she should call you.

Long distance relationships rarely work out because one is usually feeling neglected in someway and can't keep it together.

[HeartIsAching]

After two unanswered text messages you've come to this conclusion?

You must be wanting out of this relationship for some reason to let something so trivial make you so freaked out. Let her call or text you next. If she never calls or texts then break up with her because you need constant texting or calling and she does not so you'll never be happy and always trying to control when she should call you.

Long distance relationships rarely work out because one is usually feeling neglected in someway and can't keep it together.

This is an excellent point. If two people that live in the SAME HOUSE together can feel neglected and lonely, it's very very easy for two people who live far apart and have separate lives to feel the same way. For a LDR to have any prayer of working both parties have to willing to work at it, both parties have to be flexible and understanding when "life" happens on the other end.

It's also my firm belief that you MUST be working towards a goal of being together in the foreseeable future.