She doesn't want to keep contact anymore

[novaavon]

Keep reading that until it sinks in.

I've got what you mean

[Kyeema]

I am not 100% sure if there is a boyfriend that stayed over regularly. But she has ever told me that her so-called BF is living in city XXX, and that city is far away from her current city. I mean hundreds of km. Furthermore, there are two things about this woman. Firstly, she believes love can overcome any distance. Secondly, she doesn't want a one night stand. She prefers a long-term relationship.

Yes and she already has one with this guy in city XXX. Or perhaps she is lying about it and playing games. Either way she is definitely NOT loyal to you and you definitely deserve better!

You love her, but you don't need her! So why waste your love and time on somebody who obviously doesn't appreciate it?

I understand that you look for clearness. You want to know for sure whether she is lying and still loves you or not. There a face-to-face meeting could help, but could also be very painful. And the question still is: even if she loves you and is "only" lying about her new bf, is this the kind of love you want? Whenever I feel like calling my ex or wanting him back, I ask myself this question and my answer is always: no, I don't want a love like that, I want and deserve better. And I think so do you.

Big Hug,
Kyeema

[novaavon]

Yes and she already has one with this guy in city XXX. Or perhaps she is lying about it and playing games. Either way she is definitely NOT loyal to you and you definitely deserve better!

You love her, but you don't need her! So why waste your love and time on somebody who obviously doesn't appreciate it?

I understand that you look for clearness. You want to know for sure whether she is lying and still loves you or not. There a face-to-face meeting could help, but could also be very painful. And the question still is: even if she loves you and is "only" lying about her new bf, is this the kind of love you want? Whenever I feel like calling my ex or wanting him back, I ask myself this question and my answer is always: no, I don't want a love like that, I want and deserve better. And I think so do you.

Big Hug,
Kyeema

In this point, you are damn right! Thanks.

[jenfen]

Hello Novaavon, sounds to me your in denial and you've not even taken the first step. If you want to feel better you HAVE to accept that its over. I mean truly over. My GF of 10 years have left me for
unknown reasons, but the reasons are irellivent. What is most important is yourself. Its your life so live it, its as simple as that. Your just going through a typical "heartbreak"

Now i like to re-phrase the word "heart breaks" to "Heart breaking open". This hit me this morning when I walked outside to the local shop to buy some ciggarettes. I looked down on the floor and saw a birds egg,
and it hit me. We live in this world but nothing can stop the power of nature and transformation and no matter where we look we see these transformations happening in front of us. But we just dont open our
minds to it.
Here is a few examples:- a baby bird struggles so hard to break free of its shell because it has begun its transformation to growth, or maybe even a tiny plant seed has to crack open to grow into a strong oak tree.
Or even something as faggotty as a butterfly must tear away at its chrysalis in order to fly for the first time.

So how is all this shite relevant to me and you? Well I truly believe that my heart right now is going through another transformation, its cracking open to make me grow, to be a stronger person. Just maybe my heart is breaking
open to help you become stronger too. =)

Its all just part of mother nature. Learn to live with it =)

[novaavon]

Hello Novaavon, sounds to me your in denial and you've not even taken the first step. If you want to feel better you HAVE to accept that its over. I mean truly over. My GF of 10 years have left me for
unknown reasons, but the reasons are irellivent. What is most important is yourself. Its your life so live it, its as simple as that. Your just going through a typical "heartbreak"

Now i like to re-phrase the word "heart breaks" to "Heart breaking open". This hit me this morning when I walked outside to the local shop to buy some ciggarettes. I looked down on the floor and saw a birds egg,
and it hit me. We live in this world but nothing can stop the power of nature and transformation and no matter where we look we see these transformations happening in front of us. But we just dont open our
minds to it.
Here is a few examples:- a baby bird struggles so hard to break free of its shell because it has begun its transformation to growth, or maybe even a tiny plant seed has to crack open to grow into a strong oak tree.
Or even something as faggotty as a butterfly must tear away at its chrysalis in order to fly for the first time.

So how is all this shite relevant to me and you? Well I truly believe that my heart right now is going through another transformation, its cracking open to make me grow, to be a stronger person. Just maybe my heart is breaking
open to help you become stronger too. =)

Its all just part of mother nature. Learn to live with it =)

Thank you and other guys, I've learned quite a lot. I will try to forget her and start a new life.

[Kyeema]

Jenfen, I like the way you put it: my heart is breaking open to transform to something even more powerful and beautiful!

You're strong, novaavon, I know you can do it! We all can!

Big hug
Kyeema

[novaavon]

Jenfen, I like the way you put it: my heart is breaking open to transform to something even more powerful and beautiful!

You're strong, novaavon, I know you can do it! We all can!

Big hug
Kyeema

Kyeema, thank you for your advice. I am feeling better and hope you are also getting better. I know you told me not to see my ex a last time becasue I deserve better. But I just cannot give up. I really want to find her and talk face to face next month. I am prepared to be rejected and hurt again. Because I do not think that she can give up easily after so many years. And I believe that life does not always give us everything we want but we need to try our best. At least, we are not going to regret one day.

Novaavon

[Kyeema]

Novaanon, you have to do whatever is right and best for you... I am sorry if I expressed myself badly, I never meant to tell you not to meet her, I just wanted you to think about whether you still want to be with her after her already being a new relationship and/or lying to you - it's just that I think you deserve somebody who does neither of these things. Will you ever be able to really trust her?

Boy, can I understand that you want to see her face to face and get a straight answer. I never got one and I know how hard this uncertainty is, I still don't know why he left me or if he still loves me. And probably I'll never get an answer to these questions because all my trust is gone and I can't believe anything he says any more. But then in the end, does it matter? Fact is he lied to me and left me, so the only question is: what do I want? How do I go on from here?

I wish you from the bottom of my heart that you find what you are looking for when you finally meet her. Just promise me that you won't sell yourself short - you don't have to beg to get her back, she can be happy if you even consider taking her back!

Big hug
Kyeema

[novaavon]

Novaanon, you have to do whatever is right and best for you... I am sorry if I expressed myself badly, I never meant to tell you not to meet her, I just wanted you to think about whether you still want to be with her after her already being a new relationship and/or lying to you - it's just that I think you deserve somebody who does neither of these things. Will you ever be able to really trust her?

Boy, can I understand that you want to see her face to face and get a straight answer. I never got one and I know how hard this uncertainty is, I still don't know why he left me or if he still loves me. And probably I'll never get an answer to these questions because all my trust is gone and I can't believe anything he says any more. But then in the end, does it matter? Fact is he lied to me and left me, so the only question is: what do I want? How do I go on from here?

I wish you from the bottom of my heart that you find what you are looking for when you finally meet her. Just promise me that you won't sell yourself short - you don't have to beg to get her back, she can be happy if you even consider taking her back!

Big hug
Kyeema

Thank you Kyeema, you are so nice. I don't want to give up easily, but to be honest, I don't know if I should trust her again.
BTW, I am not a boy.....I am just few years younger than you.

[Kyeema]

Thank you Kyeema, you are so nice. I don't want to give up easily, but to be honest, I don't know if I should trust her again.
BTW, I am not a boy.....I am just few years younger than you.

Sorry again, that "boy" wasn't directed at you (I know how old you are *ggg*), it was meant to be a general "oh boy" if you know what I mean - English is not my native language so I apologize for any misunderstandings...

I also think the real question here is if you can trust her ever again even if you decide to do so... isn't it?

Feel hugged
Kyeema

[novaavon]

Sorry again, that "boy" wasn't directed at you (I know how old you are *ggg*), it was meant to be a general "oh boy" if you know what I mean - English is not my native language so I apologize for any misunderstandings...

I also think the real question here is if you can trust her ever again even if you decide to do so... isn't it?

Feel hugged
Kyeema

I don't mind you call me "boy", because most people can't tell my age from my skin. Generally, people guess my age at around 23-27, but I am 10 years older.

I don't know what to say. I found that she lied to me about her relationship, address and etc.

[Kyeema]

I know how much this hurts, you start to wonder if anything she ever said was true, at least that's what happened with me, I started doubting everything and my whole life crumbled - 8 years, was it all a lie?

So I think that's what you should say:

"I don't need you with all your lies, I'm better off without you, it's your loss not mine because I deserve way better!"

Big hug
Kyeema

[novaavon]

I know how much this hurts, you start to wonder if anything she ever said was true, at least that's what happened with me, I started doubting everything and my whole life crumbled - 8 years, was it all a lie?

So I think that's what you should say:

"I don't need you with all your lies, I'm better off without you, it's your loss not mine because I deserve way better!"

Big hug
Kyeema

Thank you Kyeema. I think you are right.

This woman NEVER says what she really means and I am not a mind reader, so there were some terrible misunderstanding in the past several years. Sometime, I felt exhausted to read her mind.

I DID want to go to be with her. However, we all know that before you move to another country to be with a woman, you need or it is HER responsibility to give you a CLEAR sign or promise. In my case, I realized after several months that she did HINT me she wanted me to move with her. So I tried to explain everything and she simply broke up with me. This drove me crazy.

[Kyeema]

This woman NEVER says what she really means and I am not a mind reader, so there were some terrible misunderstanding in the past several years. Sometime, I felt exhausted to read her mind.

Yeah, that sounds really exhausting... somehow like my ex telling me everything was okay when obviously nothing was which I felt but he denied.. I was always trying to find out what was going on, what possibly was bothering him... but in reality he just isn't the kind of person who talks about what's bothering him he rather complains to strangers, especially female colleagues, because there he would be confirmed that he was right whilst with me he would be confronted with a truth he didn't want to hear... it's his loss... because I definitely want someone who has the courage to talk about stuff and to stand up to confrontation because that's the only way you can grow together and stronger...

I DID want to go to be with her. However, we all know that before you move to another country to be with a woman, you need or it is HER responsibility to give you a CLEAR sign or promise. In my case, I realized after several months that she did HINT me she wanted me to move with her. So I tried to explain everything and she simply broke up with me. This drove me crazy.

Didn't you also feel betrayed of the chance of moving in with her by her not clearly telling you what she wanted but by having you guess? I did feel betrayed because he never told me what he wanted or disliked so I didn't even have a chance to find a solution or even to react to it... only afterwards he told me things... but then it was too late and he was gone... drove me crazy too... I felt so betrayed... but now... I know that I don't want a person who handles things like that, I want a grown-up man who can stand up for himself, tell me what he wants or dislikes so we can discuss things openly and then find a solution we both can happily live with... and this person is definitely not him!

I hate people who play games... and I think that's what your and my ex in reality did. For me honesty and openess are a fundamental basis for a working relationship and sometimes I wonder how I could forget that when we were still together and how I could not notice that he was neither open nor honest. I fear I loved him so much that I wanted to believe he was all that I saw in him when in truth he wasn't living up to his potential at all. Any resemblance here by chance? *ggg*

Big hug
Kyeema

[novaavon]

I hate people who play games... and I think that's what your and my ex in reality did. For me honesty and openess are a fundamental basis for a working relationship and sometimes I wonder how I could forget that when we were still together and how I could not notice that he was neither open nor honest. I fear I loved him so much that I wanted to believe he was all that I saw in him when in truth he wasn't living up to his potential at all. Any resemblance here by chance? *ggg*

Let me tell you another thing. I have her number but in the past one year, she only allowed me to write to her. I asked her several times to talk on the phone because that is the best way to communicate with somebody over a long distance, but she refused again and again. Therefore, I had to write many very long letters. Really a crazy woman!