Two strikes...

[iloveyouboth]

So this girl I've been seeing for a few months is a special person. She's a beautiful, affectionate girl who treats me nicely. She doesn't play any games because she's more mature than that.

Situation 1:
With her, she is good at hiding her true feelings. She has had lots of bad past experiences with life, which incidentally made her into a negative person. Although we do have some happy moments, she only shows her sad side to those that are close to her (which everybody pretty much does, right?)

The problem that I did (and if it isn't my fault, please let me know), was to suggest to her that she be more happy around me. The reason why I asked this was because she's always happy when around casual friends and acquaintances. The one thing I did not realize was that we do have some happy moments together, I just did not consider those and only focused on the moments where she shared her sad past experiences.

I told her that I felt like I was her punching bag or bag of tissues, and that's when the bubble erupted.

me: sometimes i feel like u treat me as this punching bag or bag of tissues
like, i appreciate you opening up to me and all with your emotions fully let out
but i mean sometimes it can get a little saddening if you're only sad around me lol
her: okay
me: i mean of course we do have some good times, but i dunno..
her: then don't be with me.
me: im just saying
requesting
if you can
be a little happier

She left for a brief period (and this is all an online conversation), and came back. During that brief period I created a little apologetic speech in which I said I was foolish, selfish, and inconsiderate for forcing her to act that way. Luckily she accepted my apology, but at the same time she said that she will try to find other "outlets" to use for her sadness.

She did apologize for her sadness, but that was only after she accepted my apology. Well, actually I don't even know if it was a full apology, but rather she just said she's sorry that she has a lot of sad things on her mind, and that she doesn't know what to do.

I guess after this she just felt like I didn't know her at all... she said that sharing her negative feelings was because we have a connection. And she does try to make an effort to share happy things too.

Okay I guess punching bag was a bad metaphor, I mean basically some of her conversations with me consist of but are not limited to a roommate problem, or something bad that happened to her in her childhood (ie. sexual abuse, parent-child abuse, etc). Basically I just feel like sometimes she uses me to let out those negative feelings.

But I was stupid to say that she only talks to me about negative feelings, because she did share happy thoughts with me, like getting good grades on papers, getting a dog, etc.

Q: What should I do? I'm afraid she won't open up to me anymore. And what are your opinions? Did I do something wrong?



Situation 2:
She was away at a conference in another state, and she was gone for the weekend.
When I dropped her off at the airport the beginning of the weekend, I told her to call me once she landed. Saturday came, and I tried calling her, but she never answered. Monday came, and she finally called me and left a voicemail saying that she heard my voicemail and said sorry for not calling because she was very busy, and now she's exhausted.

Here's the problem:
I tried to be funny and tried to play hard-to-get, but I sent her a text saying "Ur sorry doesn't cut it."
With this, she was a bit alarmed at my message. She asked what my problem was and I responded back explaining how worried I was when she didn't call when her flight landed because I didn't know what I would do without her.
Anyway, she obviously couldn't tell I was joking and playing around (since it was a text message and not a phone call), and I said that my reasoning was stupid and didn't make sense.
"I'm sorry I didn't call and worried you. But, I don't appreciate you treating me like my parents treat me."
I explained that I was wrong to send that attitude text, and that for some reason I like to cause stress to people (I enjoy joking/pranking people like the show Punk'd, even though I know it's wrong).

So...what the hell is wrong with me lol.

I guess the real questions are, what is my girl thinking at this point? I did manage to solve the "problem" by apologizing, but if there is any other thing I can say to make her feel better, please advise me.

[iloveyouboth]

Ok, now a new problem arose.

We had a good long talk about this, about how I hurt her feelings with those two situations. And, before I even made these mistakes, she loved being close to me (probably emotionally). Now that I've made these mistakes, she has put her walls up and it's been a bit tough for her to even get close to me at all.
(I think she's afraid of getting hurt again).

So now I'm torn on what to do, because I don't want to lose her. I don't really have any intention on breaking up because I really want to work this out. Is there anything I can do to actually be more comfortable around me?

[Cerby]

Well, here is your first problem. You're doing deep communication through text/online. This is completely foolish and stupid. Text can be interpreted however someone wants, and usually is.

You are to blame for the text messages.

That said, you've been apologizing for your behavior when she is also screwing the relationship up by not respecting you (not calling when you asked, etc). Also note though, that its not your job to watch over her, she is a big girl and can take care of herself.

You're not happy, you're trying to fix the relationship to be happy and she isn't doing anything at all. If anything, she is clearly starting to pull away. This is about the time I'd jump ship, ESPECIALLY if its only been a few months. You should still be all lovey-dovey and humping like bunnies. Not fighting and having deep conversations about what is wrong with your relationship.

Sometimes you're just not compatible, you're just too blind in love to see it. Been there, done that.